Genre: Teen Fiction
Ibinaba ko ang tingin ko sa isang napakalawak na field and I sighed.
Would it be bad if I wanted to fly? I literally wanted to fly. Fly away and leave everything. Fly and forget myself. Fly and leave the pain. I closed my eyes and spread my both hands as if they are my wings. Yes, flying will set me free. Flying is my escape from the brutal reality.
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"Hello?" Sinabi ko 'yon sa pinakanormal na paraan na alam ko.
"Thank goodness, Claire! After my 5th missed call, sinagot mo rin! Nasaan ka?" Nasa tono ng pananalita niya ang kaba. Ah, siguro alam na niya.
"May pinuntahan lang ako. Bakit?" I told her nonchalantly.
I heard a sigh before she began speaking. That confirmed na alam na niya. "Pinatawag ka raw ni Ma'am Vegas sabi ni Hans. I believe it's because of your grades. I became paranoid by the thought na baka suicidal ka!"
She's saying it right. I shut my eyes and squeezed it hard.
"Now, please..." She continued knowing that I wouldn't answer. "Pumunta ka na sa cafeteria before I die here worrying about your whereabouts. Let's talk about it here. It's going to be fine, Claire. It's just grades! Come here, honey."
It was the tone of pleading. I sighed and answered her. "I'm fine. I'm not suicidal. I was just checking out something. I'll go there." I laughed but it wasn't genuine. But I knew that it sounded genuine because I almost fooled myself with the laugh.
She sighed in relief. "Okay, thank God and you're fine. Idaan na lang natin sa kain, ha?"
"A'ight, missy. You'll treat me once I get there." I chuckled.
"Oh, no, you're cornering me again. But, I wouldn't object this time so come here on your fastest or I'll change my mind."
"Coming! Bye!" I dropped the call.
Muli kong tinitigan iyong field sa baba nitong rooftop ng 5-storey building. I don't want to hear "everything's going to be fine" type of line. It's annoying. It's the easiest thing to say for someone who will never understand. The line won't mend anything, not even my failure nor my situation. Bagsak ako sa isang major subject ko at dalawang minor again. Since last grading, nakakuha na ako ng hindi kagandang grades para sa isang highest section student. My adviser told me na kung ipagpapatuloy ko raw ang ginagawa ko, tatanggalin niya ako sa highest section at ililipat ako sa regular ones. By the thought of that, napapikit ako ng mariin. I didn't know what happened. My grades were good until I felt this burn-out. Nakaramdam ako ng matinding pagod. Sobrang tindi na napapaiyak ako nang walang rason. I get frustrated na I can't do anything, singing, dancing, drawing, acting. I feel like I don't belong anywhere and nobody likes me. People would tell me, "Maganda ka sana, kung mag-aayos ka." Does that mean na kung di ako mag-ayos, I look terrible? Napaiyak ako by the thought. Feeling ko walang nakakaappreciate sa mga ginagawa ko. Tingin ko lahat ng compliments ay pampalubag loob. I just want someone to cry on. I don't know how to get better from this anxiety.
Muling tumunog ang cellphone ko at nakita kong si Kelly ang tumawag kaya sinagot ko kaagad ito. Is she okay now? Sinugod siya sa hospital last week dahil mahina ang puso niya at nagkaheart attack siya. I hope my bestfriend's fine.
"Hello, Kelly?" I spoke cheerfully.
"Bestieeee!" She squeeled that made me laugh. Oh, goodness, I've missed her so much!
"Kamusta?" I asked excitedly.
"I'm now good! Lalabas na ako ng hospital bukas. Wait, galit dapat ako sa'yo! Hindi ka bumisita! So katampo!" She wailed na parang bata kaya tumawa ako.
