Flashforward:
I'm laid in his bed. Carol has let me sleep here whenever I want. I miss his smell. I miss feeling his presence. His room helps with that.
I stare at the ceiling. "Do you need anything sweetheart?" Carol walks in. I look at her. I shake my head.
I catch her looking at the letter that's resting on my stomach. I sit up, picking it up. "I can't read it.. I just can't.. this is the last thing he's ever written to me.. I dont want it to be over yet" I say.
"You should open it sweetie, it really helped me when I opened mine" she says. "What if he dies and this is the last thing I have of him" I whisper. She sighs.
My lip trembles as I look down at it, seeing my name written in his handwriting. There's drops of water on the envelope. He was crying whilst writing it.
"Can you stay?" I ask. She sits with me. I take a deep breath, opening the envelope. I take out the note. I start reading.
Hi my love,
I don't even know where to start. I am so so sorry. The last thing that I would ever want to do is hurt you. You are one of the only things in my life to ever bring me happiness. And God, you brought me so much of it. Even after 3 years of being with you, I still can't believe I got you in the first place. I would've loved to have married you one day meredith. You are the most beautiful, amazing, perfect person I've ever met. You deserve every bit of happiness in the world. But I can't bring that to you. I tried not to let you see the worst of it but the past few months my mental health just got worse and worse And I can't handle it anymore. I'm so sorry I wasn't strong enough for you baby. You deserve someone who can love and protect you with every bone In their body. I tried to do that but I just can't. I love you more than words can describe. I know its hard baby. I know. If you would've been the one to go then I wouldn't last two seconds. Please don't forget about me. But don't be sad when you think about me. Be happy. Be happy about the memories we shared. Our laughs. Our kisses. When we made love. Remember every moment. But don't think that you can't move on. You deserve someone else. Someone who can make you happy. Someone who'd never hurt you the way I did. But always remember that you're the love of my life meredith. Nobody was more important to me than you. I love you forever. You can take anything from my room that you want baby. My phone is yours. Keep all of the pictures of us on there. Steal as many of my clothes as you want. And finally, please look out for my mom. She loves you and I know you do too. I told her to watch out for you too. I'm sorry I failed you. I love you so fucking much baby... the ring in the envelope was the one I was going to ask you with. I figured you'd want it.
Derek.
I cry uncontrollably into Carolyn's shoulder. She hugs me tight. I pull away slowly. My hands are shaking as I pull out the engagement ring.
"He- he was going to propose to me" I sob. She hugs me again. I cry harder.
Flashforward over:
"Hey" I walk into his room. He doesn't say anything. "Babe, you okay?" I sit on his bed next to him.
"Of course I am.. but how are you my gorgeous?" He pulls me into his arms. "Much better now I'm with you" I say. He smiles, kissing me softly.
"This the ring I got you the other day?" He asks, holding my hand. I nod. "You know what finger I need a ring for next" I hold up my ring finger. He laughs.
"Soon baby" he says. "Yeah? Really?" I ask. "Definitely" he says. I grin. "I don't care about our age.. we can wait until we're older to get married, but I want people to know that you're mine forever" he says.
"I agree" I say. He kisses me. I turn around, straddling him. He smiles, putting his hands on my waist. I stop as I see a blade on his bedside table.
"Baby" I undo his pyjama bottoms, pulling them down. He sighs. "You said you've stopped.. you promised" I say, looking at the insides of his thighs.
"I'm sorry, don't be mad at me please" he whispers. I pull the bottoms back up. "I-I'm not mad at you" I say. "Really?" He asks. "Yes, really" I whisper.
"Are you okay?" I put my hands on his cheeks. "Yeah" he says. I hug him tight. We lay next to eachother.
"Don't tell anyone" he puts his hand on my waist as we lay under the covers. "I would never" I say. He hugs me. I cuddle into him. I sigh quietly.
