Infatuated with a God

Chapter Eighty-Nine

An awkward silence filled the room once my shields had settled into place. My mind was still half on the kiss he gave me when he went to leave, and the other was frightened of the anger that possessed Thor. I shuffled awkwardly on the spot, using my hair to hide myself from him and fidgeting with the sleeves of my top. After a moment, he took a deep breath and gestured for me to come sit beside him as he retreated to his sofa. Reluctantly, I obliged, focussed on the way his knuckles were bright white from how tight he clenched his fists.

"How long?" He spoke at last, forcing himself to keep a cool tone. I couldn't fully understand his anger, but it seemed to be aimed at Loki, not at me. I wondered if Loki had just told him the truth straight away he would react the same, if his deep mistrust of his brother ran deeper than the truth. I couldn't fully blame him given Loki's past actions, but still I couldn't help but feel like the odds were stacked completely against me.

"That is a complicated answer... it depends what you really mean by how long." In truth it was hard to answer. In a way it felt like this was always going to happen, that from the moment we met in September we were always destined for this. No matter how much I pushed against it, I think I was always going to fall for him. Every moment since seemed to pull us together, regardless of how much I hated him to begin with and how hard he tried to get me to believe he was a villain.

"From the beginning, Kaya. I need to know everything since it started. Because he tried to kill you and I always found it weird that you began to trust him so quickly. If he... if any part of this was caused by his trickery then I need to know." With a sigh I tried to think over everything that happened, wondering at when the true turning point was. So much seemed to have happened since we met that it was hard to believe that it had been under a year.

"Then I guess it was Asgard. There were moments before then, like when he calmed me down from a nightmare or fleeting moments of... tension, but really it was on Asgard that everything seemed to change." Back when my life was simpler. Thor nodded stiffly, as if I confirmed some deep suspicion of his.

"I always wondered what happened between you two that night you disappeared. Father was very keen on keeping me away from you that night." We both frowned as I thought over the ramifications of Odin knowing ever since then. Thinking about it he seemed keen to keep me with Loki that night too. It was him who pushed for me to go to the library. It was unsettling how much he seemed to know, even more so how much he envisioned happening.

"It was the first time I saw him so vulnerable. The first time he truly allowed me to see the real him. Underneath all the bravado and bullshit." Thor shook his head slightly.

"He is the master of deceit, Kaya. If he wanted you to feel sorry for him he would have spun a web of lies to do so."

I had no idea how to convince someone who believed the worst in him to see the truth.

"Maybe. He told me he was planning on taking his seiðr back when we were in Asgard. But this was different to that, Thor. When he truly realised I could touch him without getting hurt something just changed slightly for a moment."

"Wait he doesn't use his seiðr to allow you to touch him?" I shook my head with a slight smile, allowing my magic to spread over my skin.

"We think it's because this is a part of him. When we touch it is like the seiðr tries to find itself beneath our skin. It's quite pleasant once you get past how freaky it is." He became lost in thought slightly, and I saw glances of his own memories from the time. How Loki and I danced together in Asgard. I seemed almost beautiful in the way I glowed in his memories, twirling on the dancefloor with people everywhere watching so intently. More than that, the smile I gave to Loki, and the slight smirk he gave to me, it seemed like a perfect moment in time. Then it changed as he fought against the idea that this could have ever happened naturally.