Infatuated with a God

Chapter Fifty-Five

Not much happened for the rest of that week or the next. I tried to reach out to the team, to repair the gap between us. It was difficult, many in the Compound were uncomfortable that I had taken Loki's side. I tried to explain it to them, but there was suspicion that hung over me. Barton had fuelled it to begin with, his complete hatred for Loki clouded his logic and he had tried to get me assessed in case he was controlling me. I was slightly offended, but mostly grateful that he had gone back to his family now, especially with how angry Loki had been when he found out. Banner remained distant from me, as did Sam, but I was never particularly close with either of them, so it didn't bother me. Tony was the only other member who was verbally opposed to me. He was still yet to lower the settings on Loki's cuff, and it exhausted him. Ever prideful, Loki never said anything. But the dark circles under his eyes were growing as the loss of sleep worked against him. Every night he would use my body to gain a semblance of control over his surroundings, and it seemed to help him sleep. Often now, instead of myself falling asleep after, he began to and I would leave my shields around his room before slinking into mine. It was costing me a fair bit of energy to maintain two shields throughout the night, but the runes I copied from Loki's shields seemed to help with that. Regardless, he was clearly on edge, and it had begun to leak to me. Tony was still working on the machine at certain hours, and this had only increased after we'd gained information from the Hydra base. The buzzing came back every time he did, and without Loki's seiðr I locked myself in my room to protect myself and everyone. Over time, even without the machine active I realised my magic would wrap itself around Loki to try to find the remaining part of itself. I had to work on it so it wouldn't hurt him. It wasn't visible when it did it now, not nearly as strong, but still it bothered him.

By Saturday, my mental health had tanked badly. I found that familiar call to the spare dagger under my pillow. Not wanting to break the streak I'd kept so far, I resisted it. But still it called to me as I sank further into a darker mood. It all seemed to culminate on the Saturday morning, when I awoke far earlier than usual and with a cold sweat across my forehead and the back of my neck. I forced myself to sit up, looking around the room for an intruder. But there was no one here. Still my body was on high alert. There had to be danger somewhere close by, as no dream sparked such a response. With a deep breath I forced myself to conjure a fraction of my magic to explore the grounds, just to check on the safety of everyone. It was increasingly difficult to maintain, my body shaking and refusing to concentrate. Nearly an hour passed before I was able to check every room but Loki's, who I could sense was awake through his shields. When there was clearly no sign of a threat I settled on the belief that I was just sick. I felt extremely nauseous even if I could tell I wasn't going to throw up. I forced myself to go to the bathroom, putting it down to a possible period coming up which were usually so rare for me on the shot. I managed to walk over to brew myself some tea to calm me, but it did little to change how I felt. Eventually, with no other explanation, I forced myself back asleep. When I stirred again the feeling in my stomach hadn't gone away. Instead, I started to feel a tightness in my chest as my body trembled more. I turned to my side and held my legs up into my stomach with my arms, trying to find a position where it hurt less. There was a knocking at my door, but it felt so distant from me that I couldn't fully notice. I was completely lost in the overwhelming feeling that gripped me. I didn't get sick, a side effect of the serum and an attribute that made Nat and I somewhat desirable as agents on paper. I'd just about convinced myself it must be an upcoming period when my door burst open in anger.

"You are nearly two hours late, Kaya! I told you that–" I gasped for air, suddenly panicked by my lack of it. My heartbeat began increasing and I quickly scrambled out of bed, feeling suffocated by my sheets. I still felt smothered, but now by the air around me. Air I was forcing into me too fast as the room around me began to spin lightly. My knees hit the floor in what I could understand was pain, but could not feel fully. Loki called out for Thor as he went to try to catch me but only managed to touch my upper arms as I hit the ground. I was somewhat aware of the scene around me. Of Thor bursting into my room as well and falling besides Loki. Of both of them trying to search for what was wrong. And then of Loki cursing as my magic began to swirl dangerously strong within me. A code was called quickly by Thor, who retreated towards my sofa. A distant alarm sounded but all I could think about was how the air around me was so abundant it was suffocating but so lacking I couldn't get enough. I felt a cool hand on my cheek which guided me back to the reality around me. I looked up into emerald eyes, my vision somewhat blurred from my tears. "Remember what I taught you Kaya. Try to slow down your breaths and focus. I know it's hard, but you have to hone in your power." A red flashing glow surrounded the room and distant sirens seemed louder as Steve, Tony, Nat, and Wanda all flooded into my room. Tony, recognising what was happening immediately, rushed to my side, ignoring Loki's warnings about my magic as he did.