Infatuated with a God

Chapter One-Hundred and Twenty-Five

Three days. Three painfully long days. And to nobody's surprise nothing had changed. No one had decided to sign this law that hadn't already decided to, and no one took their signature off once they had. Kaya refused to leave. Not until after they were ratified, and only when she knew everyone who didn't sign was safe. In the meantime I was exhausted. I'd almost forgotten what it felt like not to be able to sleep. Almost. Nights before Kaya had been long and tenuous. They fuelled my obsession with my own legacy and purpose. Before I would spend them practically writhing in my jealous ideologies or schemes designed to prove myself worthy to those who thought otherwise. I failed to remember at what point that began to shift. When thoughts of plans turned to worry of others. And yet, at some point with her, I began to sleep peacefully and for extended periods of time. I began to feel some semblance of rest. Sleep was no longer as peaceful. In theory, returning to Midgard to sleep shouldn't have exhausted me, it wasn't like I had a particularly long journey. It was the fact that I couldn't comfortably sleep that was the issue. Being next to her was something, and the bed was comfortable enough, but I felt like the second I fell asleep something would happen. Meanwhile her dreams were becoming more and more vivid and they were screaming out to me. Some images were becoming more and more clear as the future solidified, and in nearly all of them she died. In some she killed me. The location always changed, but the result stayed the same. She never talked to me about them, even though I could see them bothering her, and I never divulged that I knew. I think she could tell I did though, and for the time being that remained enough. Still, the knowledge of her insight only prevented my rest further.

Perhaps I would have felt better rested if I at least knew she was. That my sleeplessness served the goal of keeping her safe. But her nightmares plagued her and often I found myself having to calm her with my seiðr, forcing happier memories into her mind. If we were on Asgard I'd be able to keep it that way all night for her, but I became increasingly concerned about preserving my seiðr just in case anything happened. That concern didn't change whilst I was on Asgard. Though my work was done, and the distraction didn't affect the quality of what I did, every second I spent away from her was a second I was left worrying she wasn't safe. It played into some dark side of me that I wished would remain lost. Logically I knew she wasn't trying to put herself in danger, but it didn't stop me wanting to drag her away to safety regardless of how she felt about it. It wasn't the same feeling as jealousy and instead played more into fear. The more time I spent away from her, the worse that fear got. I realised very quickly that it played into some deeper part of me that was terrified at the prospect of someone I loved dying whilst I was unable to prevent it. It was something I very quickly pushed back down upon realisation. There wasn't the time and space to deal with that now. For now, I didn't drag her back to Asgard, and she didn't push any of the boundaries I set.

On the morning of the ratification I'd finished enough of my schedule that I hadn't needed to be in Asgard until later that day, allowing me to give her more time to rest. I'd hoped it would lighten the dark circles under her eyes, or at the very least allow her to have some space. I knew she despised being passed off in the morning to Maximoff, Stark or, the robot like a prisoner. I'd thought a morning of me not having to wake her up to do so would at least put a smile on her face. It didn't do much in the end, but she did smile when she woke up naturally. It wasn't long before we were in the kitchen of the Compound, giving space to the witch and the robot who were still debating signing the Accords before we left, and Kaya was making... well she said breakfast but it looked more like desert. That was when Stark walked in, right on time for having to keep watch of her. Kaya was much more relaxed spending time with Stark than interrupting Wanda or the robot, or Vision as he kept insisting I referred to him as. I think it was more Vision's hovering than Wanda's presence, however he wasn't about to stop monitoring Wanda so he remained. He was quite an interesting creature, one whose thoughts remained shrouded to me, not quite operating in the same way as other beings. Still, one day I would like to understand him more. As Stark wandered in, he popped one of the uncut strawberries into his mouth before placing the physical copy of the Accords beside her.