Infatuated with a God

Chapter Sixty-Eight

"What the fuck, Loki?" I yelled as I found myself in his room at the hotel. It had been a long time since I found myself this mad. Before I had time to launch into a rant, my back was shoved against the wall and a hand was around my throat. In the same instance I was shut out of the subspace and so unable to summon my daggers which was my automatic response to this aggression. He didn't squeeze my neck, which helped. But the pupils of his eyes had dilated in his anger, consuming much of the green of his irises, so I knew it still wasn't safe. Then his lips crashed to mine with an intense roughness that bordered on painful. It was almost feral the way he kissed me, like he could no longer control his actions. For a split second I leant into it, lost myself to the familiar hum of our seiðr beneath our skin and the way my heart quickened. It encouraged him further, his tongue darting into my lips. Which is exactly when I came to my senses. I turned my head to break the kiss, trying in vain to push him away from me. "Loki..." I warned, still struggling to put some distance between our bodies.

"Stop the pretence, mortal. You are mine and you will act like it." He snarled into my ear. The use of the word mortal in that tone made me see red. I brought my hand up and slapped him harshly against his cheek. His hand left my neck as he stepped backwards ever so slightly in shock. It was enough for me to catch my breath and make note of the distance to the door. "Do that again and see where it gets you." He went to move back towards me, and I instinctually braced myself for a fight.

"Loki, stop." To my relief, he did. His body was completely still. Not retreating away but no longer going to pounce.

"You started this." That was hardly the truth, and I couldn't believe he saw it this way. For someone as arrogant as him it was insane how deeply insecure he could also be.

"I didn't initiate the kiss, Loki." I reminded him.

"You didn't stop him." He retorted, instantly. A silence fell eerily over the room following the shouting. It did little to calm either of us. I was seething from his consistent deceit and the spectacle he made today.

"I'm not yours, Loki. I could never be yours. Not really." He flinched before finally retreating to the middle of the room and I felt like I could finally breathe. "This is just sex. It's only ever been about sex. You have no right to stop me from chasing happiness." He laughed harshly, running a hand through his hair roughly.

"If you still believe that there was only ever sex between us then you are as stupid as all the other apes on this forsaken rock. Are you really so lost in your own insecurity that you can mistake apathy for happiness?" I let out a frustrated sigh and pushed myself off of the wall.

"This has only ever meant to be about sex." He did the cocky knowing laugh again and my palm ached to slap the arrogant grin off of his face.

"Just because it was meant to be about sex doesn't mean that it remained that well. Hel, it never truly was just about sex Kaya and we both know it. It's time to drop the act." His previous words echoed in my mind, how he told me that I consumed his thoughts, that I've brought him to his knees. I couldn't focus on them. I had to ignore it all.

"It doesn't matter. This would never work. Could never work. How long until they all find out? Fuck Loki you can barely let me take a dance with a friend."

"That friend wants to fuck you in the way I do. That friend is borderline obsessed with you, Kaya. And before you say that isn't true, he did just prove my point. You are the only one who cares about what they would think. I told you once before that I know they will never trust me, but if you did that would be enough. They can think of me as a villain for as long as I breathe and I will not care. It only matters to me what you think. Why can you not do the same?" I had no answer for him, and he knew I wouldn't have. I saw the situation clearer now then I think he could ever give me credit for. This barrier would keep preventing either of us being happy, and I was currently in the way of him truly rehabilitating. Just now I was fuelling his jealousy and insecurities to the point of him backing me threateningly against a wall. He would never let me fully leave either. I couldn't remain his friend regardless of the promise I had made him.