Infatuated with a God

Chapter One-Hundred and Thirteen

"I'm going to take his dominion of lies and shove it up his ass, stupid son of a bitch." I raised my eyebrows as she finished berating me. I don't know how she managed to miss the sudden presence of my seiðr, though I assumed it was something to do with just how angry she was. I actually found it amusing. It wasn't often I found myself learning new information about her, realising she talked to herself was definitely something new.

"I'd rather you leave my mother out of this." I smirked at her with an eyebrow raised as she squealed slightly in surprise at the sound of my voice. Automatically she'd called for a dagger out of the subspace as she turned before her cheeks burning a rather deep red. I tilted my head to the platter of fruit I laid on the bedside table beside me. "I thought you might have been hungry. I didn't think popping out of the room quickly would have woken you, but clearly it did." To my surprise, she threw herself at me, wrapping her arms around my shoulders and threading her hands through my hair.

"I thought–"

"I know... I'm sorry Kaya. You don't normally stir so easily in the morning. I really thought I'd be back in time for you to wake up. You don't seem to be eating as much as you need to. I just wanted to make sure you ate, darling." It was impossible to ignore how much damage I had done to her trust. How much damage I could still cause if today went wrong. I tried not to think about it, but it lingered in my mind. The ever present voice of doubt grew stronger there.

Something about being back here, about having so much to lose, it destroyed my ability to ignore the voice of paranoia and doubt that lingered in my mind. Eir could not heal it, it was not something done by magic. The lingering effects of my circumstances would forever test my patience. Constantly surrounding myself with Lords and Ladies that fed my delusions didn't help. So many of them plotted our downfall, so many wanted to take more and more of the throne until they had control to ruin Asgard as they saw fit. Perhaps being able to hear the dark thoughts of the select few is what poisoned me so long ago. Forever able to know exactly how lowly they viewed me compared to Thor, and now being privy to just how much that damages their view of the people I love. My very presence taints her image, her authority. She felt me stiffen, pulling back so she could gaze up at me with those golden eyes I always longed to see. And yet I couldn't bear to look at them now. I closed my eyes and moved away from her, walking towards what was now her dressing room. I gestured for her to take a seat at the vanity dresser in the room and she complied with a small smile. Gods, the smallest things made her happy. It was incredible how poor of a job I'd done, given how easy it was to make her smile. My brother still managed just fine. I forced myself to stop and take a breath before lightly brushing my fingers through her hair. It helped immensely, just to feel the silky strands fall through my fingers.

Kaya always used to refer to it as grounding, and I think I was finally understanding what she meant. Small little moments like her finger tapping against my chest, or feeling her hair in my hands, it forced me out of my mind and into what was physically happening around me. I set about braiding her hair up into a bun, making it more complex than needed just to stay with her a little while longer. The only thing that calmed me, other than braiding her hair, was her reactions to it. Her body completely relaxed into me, eyes falling close and small little pleasant sounds escaping her every once in a while. I couldn't help but smile at her demeanour. I cleared my throat as I forced myself to focus on what truly mattered right now.

"Today is the first Friday of the month. That means people from all over Asgard, and some of the other realms, come to complain about all sorts of things. It's a very, very long meeting that my father will host. He requires you to be in attendance." To my surprise, her eyes lit up, and not just from worry. A small smile spread across her face for a moment as her spine straightened. She seemed... almost excited.