Infatuated with a God

Chapter Thirty-Two

Everyone was eating lunch in the kitchen by the time we came in. Wanda sprung up out of her seat and brought me into a hug.

"I was so worried, Kaya! Don't ever leave without saying anything like that!" I wrapped my arms around her and held her tight. In the confusion I had completely forgotten the rule we made with each other, to always say when we are leaving and to always come back.

"I'm sorry, everything happened in such a blur." I admitted.

"Come sit, kid. We need to know what happened." I nodded but went to pour myself a green tea before I did. Then I explained everything, about how Loki and Thor were concerned about my magic and how Odin had revealed that part of my magic was Loki's seiðr. Tony in particular didn't like that idea, but I assured them it meant nothing except grew my power. If anything, it gave us more of an idea of what to work with. I felt more in control now than before.

"Well just in time. SHIELD has cleared you to come with us tomorrow." I beamed up at them and Wanda smiled with me. Whilst everyone finished up I was briefed on what to expect before they left.

"A word?" Tony asked, when I went to leave to. Nodding, I sat back down as he removed his glasses. "I'm here to redeem the Christmas present, kid. I think I can reverse engineer the Hydra machine to get that shit out of your head, but it will take time. And you are all we really have of how the thing works so I'm going to need you in the lab in the evenings, okay?" I frowned at the idea of being anywhere near that thing, but agreed nevertheless. If it meant getting this shit out of my head I was game.

After Tony left, Thor peaked around the corner and walked in. I decided to bake something to help Loki out of the mood he put himself in by being back here. We stayed in silence for a while, Thor watching me with intrigue as I pulled up a recipe for chocolate cake.

"You never met me on the training grounds in the morning." He stated, his tone giving away the worry he felt.

"Oh, I kind of forgot. Loki asked me out for a ride, and I guess we just lost track of time." Another silence fell between us, but I knew he wanted to ask more. I'd nearly finished mixing the batter together when he did.

"You lost track of time before as well. When we were meant to see the sights." I frowned, not knowing where he was going with this.

"Yes, Odin sent me to the library to give me some books as a gift. Loki was there and we lost track of time going through books." I frowned before adding, "I'm sorry for not spending more time with you Thor. It was just unusual for Loki to be in such a good mood."

"I'm concerned about this friendship between you two, Kaya. I know something happened after Christmas, the anger you held towards him grew immeasurably this month." I bit the inside of my cheek as I buttered the greaseproof paper in the cake tin.

"He told me something that wasn't true to push me away. It was nothing serious, Thor. I realise that now." With a sigh Thor walked over to me as I pushed the cake tin into the over. He wrapped his arms around me in a bear hug and I sunk into it.

"Kaya. I only worry because I fear that Loki had not changed as much as you wish him to. The stunt he pulled with the dress caused quite the uproar in Asgardian high society, especially after he danced with you." I pulled away from the hug with a scowl on my face.

"But he explained the dress and his reasoning, Thor. Plus, I liked it. And he danced with me because I wanted him to." An exacerbated sigh filled the silence between us.

"As the God of Mischief and Chaos he also has domain over deceit, Kaya. If he wanted you to think himself changed for a nefarious purpose he could do so with ease. I hope for his trust because I can handle the consequences of his betrayal. All I am asking is for you to be careful. Do not get swept up in his lies." With that he walked away, and I was left to ponder his words. I had promised myself that I would still be careful here, but all I could think about was the way his lips felt on mine and the passion he had incited in me. I sat for an hour and pondered my emotions towards him, and as time passed I grew more and more worried. Everything seemed so clear on Asgard, but here there were too many factors at play and too much doubt. What if my insight on Asgard was wrong? What if Loki was able to control it with his powers? I tried to put my fears aside as I whipped some chocolate butter icing up and spread it thickly in between the two halves of the cake.

I decided that as long as I allowed him to keep confiding in him and didn't break his trust then Loki could be able to maintain some of the vulnerability he allowed on Asgard. Not willing to risk allowing him to stew in his thoughts alone all night I cut off a large slice of the cake for him and a smaller one for me before bringing them up to his room. Thor frowned at me from the longue sofa as I left, but I just flashed him a reassuring smile. I had to give Loki a chance here to still be the same as he was on Asgard. He'd taken such a large step and confided so much in me that I owed him this at least. He didn't answer his door when I knocked, but his shields were not up so I just walked in. When I did I saw him pacing by the fireplace, hair dishevelled. He didn't look up, but he didn't try to hide his discomfort either. Without a word I sat the two plate on the coffee table and asked him to join me. When he saw it was chocolate cake the hurt and confusion only grew. I walked over to him, now concerned. And slowly offered him my hands. It looked like he wanted to take them, moving slightly towards them before snapping back and retreating like a cautious stray puppy.

"Loki, talk to me please." I whispered. His mouth opened like he wanted to speak, but then snapped close. With a sigh, I sat down on the sofa he usually like to sprawl out on and beckoned him to join me. He hesitated but joined anyway, sitting far too stiff. "Please Loki I'm worried about you." His face distorted slightly in pain, and I slowly brought my hand over to rest on top of his. He didn't pull away. "What is happening, Loki?"

"I... I-I don't know." A single tear fell, and it broke my heart to see him in so much pain. Still, he refused to allow himself to cry. Unable to stop myself, I moved towards him and wrapped my arms around him. He stayed stiff within them for a moment, before allowing himself the comfort. "I-It feels like I can't breathe anymore. I forgot how restrictive this thing felt on me, how unsettling it is." I frowned, remembering how it felt when I wore it. "It feels like a part of me is trapped and it scares me, Kaya. I feel so... so vulnerable." I combed my hands through his hair as he unloaded his emotions and thoughts onto me. He confided in me about how he hadn't been sleeping well and how he would wake up in a panic. It made sense, growing up he had no brute strength like the people around him had and so seiðr became his only defence. On Earth that defence was ripped away from him.

"Well, that's easy enough! I can talk to Tony and I'm sure if I just convince him it's because of my–" I paused myself as my thoughts caught up with my words. It felt like ice had been poured over me and I sat there in total shock. Feeling me stiffen, he removed himself from my arms and looked at me in both confusion and panic. I stood up and retreated to the centre of the room and began pacing, ignoring the soft whisper of my name leaving his lips. My naivety had been bad before, getting him out of his cell. But to think he almost had me again was utterly laughable. Thor was right. A harsh laugh tore out of me before I could stop it causing Loki to flinch at the sudden change. This just angered me more. Ever the actor, ever the liar. Of course, he hadn't changed. Of course, Asgard wouldn't have made that much of a difference. He fed into my desire to be needed, to be desired and played the role with ease. He must have laughed about how pathetically easy I made it for him.

"Kaya?" He whispered, still holding the confused and hurt look with ease.

"You... you almost had me." I stepped back, still laughing despite the lack of humour I felt. "It was very fucking good I have to admit. Tricks and treachery indeed." He flinched at my words as his eyes glossed over again but I just rolled my eyes at him. "You can stop the act now." Almost instantly his harsh mask fell onto him, and he tensed.

"What falsities have you created in your head now?" He hissed in anger and something inside of me snapped. I could feel my magic rising with my rage but could not stop it.

"Oh, please give it a break. How foolish of me to think anything had changed! To think for a second that your kindness had been anything more than an act." I was screaming at him now and he just rose and stood there emotionless which somehow made it worse. "What a clever con you attempted. Make me pity you, coax my trust back out of me. How long did you plan to make a play for your powers, Mischief? I can't believe I almost fell for that!" Tears sprung to my eyes in anger, and I clenched my hands so hard my nails sliced the skin there. He strode over to me and went to reach out to wipe away some of the tears that began to fall but I just flinched away from him.

"Kaya, will you listen to how ridiculous that sounds?" My hand came out and made contact with his cheek in a loud slap.

"I fucking hate you." With those last words I turned to leave, slamming the door behind me.