Infatuated with a God

Chapter One-Hundred and Eight

Alone surrounded by a room full of people was always the most depressing type of alone. When you can see people laughing and smiling, hear the ruckus of dozens of conversations around you, and yet you still feel horrifically lonely. The Warriors Three were all making the rounds, grabbing attention from various Ladies and Lords around them. Sif was watching the banquet hall as a guard, keeping next to Odin most of the time. She wasn't meant to be on duty, but I was yet to find her off duty in any meaningful way. Her clothes always had elements of armour, weapons were always readily available to her. Thor was the only person who kept an eye on me, but always from a distance. The way he hesitated made it clear he wished to approach me, but always backed out from doing so. Even now he wore his armour, rarely changing out of some form of it. Silver and black metal with accents of gold and a red cloak. I was yet to see him out of his cloak. On Earth he was always more casual, though Asgardian armour always seemed more in place on his body. I still wore green, though I had considered changing. I couldn't do that to him. The only thing that would pull more attention to the empty chair beside me would be me wearing another colour. As angry and as hurt as I was, the last thing I had wanted to do was retaliate. However, the further the evening progressed, the more spiteful I felt. Eventually, I tired of the fake smile I donned and the polite conversations I was forced into around the room.

I retreated up to the top table with a polite excuse and picked up a chalice of Asgardian wine. Before I could lift it to my lips Thor appeared beside me.

"Is that wise, my Lady?" It wasn't often I saw Thor acting like this. Despite being next in line to the throne, he didn't choose to play politics. If he was angry people knew, if he was happy people knew. He didn't play games. Maybe that's what made him better suited to the throne. However, now he put on a relaxed position and a smile, even as his eyes nervously flicked towards the chalice in my hands.

"It's wine, likely watered down. I'm sure one glass couldn't hurt." Despite my words, I took a cautious sip, making sure to monitor my body's reaction. If I got too drunk I dread to think what I'd do. Likely I would storm back into his study and demand he talk to me. Likely make more bad decisions along the way. I turned back to the room, a smile plastered on my face still as I looked out across the hall.

"Your ability to mask your true emotions almost rivals my brother's, Lady Kaya." His words caused my smile to feel slightly realer, as I looked down into the thick red liquid in the chalice.

"At least I keep it off in private, your highness." He raised an eyebrow at my words and I looked up to meet his glance innocently.

"I doubt Prince Loki would be able to keep pretence up for that long, my Lady."

"I would not know, your highness. Knowledge in such an area would require me to spend time in the Prince's company."

"Careful, Kaya. You shouldn't so loudly express your disappointment in my brother." He whispered to me, nervously glancing around us to check how many eyes were on us.

There were a few people around us who could be privy to our conversation. Odin and Sif were certainly close enough, though both of us cared little about them hearing it. If anything, Odin should be more informed of Loki's actions in case it spirals too far. Instead it was various Lords of the court near to us that I should be more aware of. Especially the one I recognised from Loki's study earlier.

"I'm sure he wishes he could be here. He will be angry to miss you dressed so radiantly." I couldn't tell if Thor truly believed his words. If he held the belief that Loki was okay. Acting slightly abnormally, but in a controllable way.

"When I arrived here I was given a choice of what I could do. I could have done nothing, relaxed and enjoyed the luxuries of this life. I could have chosen to just work on my seiðr here, spend the time to truly master this ability inside of me. Or invested in my physical ability, training with you to be as worthy of serving Asgard as a human could be. Instead I chose to do more. To do everything I could. I know Odin assesses me, though I know not why. I know I've invested hours in my education to try to feel worthy of this, to understand how it all words. Ultimately, I do this for him. Granted, I want it, a lot, but I could comfortably return to Earth and have a similar situation. I choose to do this for him. I thought he wanted that.