Infatuated with a God

Chapter Fifty

I knocked at his door before entering, finding him on the sofa with a chalice in his hand. He looked so timid at that moment that my heart seemed to ache. Without hesitancy I took my place beside him and placed a hand on his arm to provide some comfort. We sat together in silence for a few moments until he sighed and relaxed back in his chair.

"Are you okay to continue?" He nodded curtly at me before closing his eyes. Knowing it was hard for him to allow me this, I moved into his lap to provide him some more comfort. He froze and his eyes snapped open at the contact, but then he instantly relaxed and wrapped his arms around me. It seemed to work, and I allowed myself to press a finger against his forehead as he relaxed once more. I was forced back into his head, this time his emotion was of sorrow. I saw the illusion he cast for the world to see, but also the reality behind it. The room was a mess and there were small traces of blood throughout what was similar to the cells downstairs. He grieved behind his illusion, his memories full of the loss of his mother. Of anger that he was not permitted for her funeral. And my heart ached for him because of it. It was so painfully clear before how much he had cared for his mother. He always softened when thinking of her or when she was mentioned. The scene soon changed, and I found us on a foreign plane and felt the sharpness of the blade through his skin as he sacrificed himself for a woman I recognised as Dr. Jane Foster. Even through the pain there was a realisation that it would not be fatal, but yet a desire for it to be. And so, he pretended he would, fuelled by the belief that Thor would thrive better without his presence.

Still, his anger for his father and his belief that he was the cause of his mother's death caused him to create a more sinister plan, casting Odin out to Midgard and taking his place on the throne. I noticed as we skipped forward, watching as he grew bored with the throne even if he thrived at the politics of it. His plan had been to rule over the nine realms more directly, using Asgard's resources to conquer Midgard first. But he lost that desire, along with his desire for the throne. He still pretended to be Odin, keeping his real father bound to Midgard as a punishment for the harms he had caused Loki. Still, it was evident he was tired of rule, tired of the overwhelming responsibility and monotony. Then I felt a ripple throughout his seiðr, and his anger grew exponentially. Everything faded and the next thing I saw was myself. I felt as he found my magic with ease and tracked us to it before using the Bifrost to reach us. He watched me with slight intrigue through his invisibility. His intention had been to kill me immediately, but my power halted him in his tracks. Loki felt... amused. I found myself wanting to roll my eyes as I felt him study the way I tried to track his seiðr before dodging when he leapt for me. And in that moment he actually smiled and knew that if I lived I could become more. It was an unusual feeling, to have him acknowledge this through his desire to kill me. More unusual still to watch him attack me whilst holding back so much. It was like he was a predator toying with his food, and I realised quickly that if he truly wanted to just kill me he could have right then.

When the scene faded, I found us in his room and recognised it as the first time. The amount of emotions he felt as the door opened was overwhelming. There was a sense of previous distrust and disbelief, it seemed like he wasn't used to being given presents from anyone. As the room was revealed he became overwhelmed with joy and sorrow. It was an odd combination that sat uncomfortably over his skin, causing him to force a calming numbness over him instead. He walked around the room, touring it with little emotion, before walking back to his longue. When he fully settled over the seating area something deeper tugged at his heart. He seemed surprised to see it, but grateful for it nevertheless. The books filled him with happiness and as he glanced at my expression I felt him want to smile. I relished in the joy he felt through our conversation. It lasted a moment longer after I left, but then a type of panic crept in. He sat in complete silence as he thought over his emotions. I watched in sadness, and he came to realise he was beginning to enjoy our friendship, as well as the healing relationship between himself and Thor. Brief flashes of the next few months passed as he attempted to skip over time. I still managed to catch one fully due to the overwhelming anger he felt. All I heard was my voice yelling Thor's name in ecstasy and I could feel my own skin warm at the obscenity. Instantly my fingers lifted from his head, and he sighed in annoyance.