Infatuated with a God

Chapter One-Hundred and Fourteen

When my father had informed me that Kaya would be tested less than a week before she had arrived, I hadn't been best pleased. I thought it was far too early, and far too public, to test her in this way. I'd done my best in the meantime not to worry too much about it, and indeed my jealousy had kept me distracted. But now, there was no distraction. Instead I was forced to watch her from afar, unable to guide her or counsel her. I couldn't help but feel on edge, my jaw tightening as my body stiffened. As time passed, I wanted nothing more than to drag her out of there. Not that she did anything wrong, she hadn't exactly been asked to do anything yet. Likely the true test would not come until after, and I wondered if I would be forced to watch that hidden away too. Instead, what drove me to want to take her away was the thoughts around us. Mainly the few Lords who had taken an open stance against her, their thoughts and whispers as they watched her take the position they desperately didn't think her fit to hold. Any time I got close enough to act, my brother's hand would grab me back, reminding me just how much worse that would be for her. He was right. I couldn't act in such a way. Not in front of the court, of our allies and enemies within these halls. Plus, I doubted she would take so kindly to me at this moment given the last few days. Or, indeed, if she would take kindly to me ever again. One good morning didn't change how hurt I had made her, or her requirement of answers.

So I had nothing to do but follow his instructions when I really didn't want to. That old whisper of insecurity was back and getting louder every moment. It didn't help that eventually I knew it would be revealed that I had been here, adding to her concerns over me being able to hide my seiðr away from her. I knew she had felt it in the office, and her figuring out how to replicate that so soon was a problem. The last thing I wanted to do was use it. The more I revealed to her how often I did such a thing, the more she would be inclined to use it. Or the more she would begin to think I'd done so before. Well, at least more than I had. Still, staying stuck to the shadows of the back of the hall pained me. Another reminder of where my place should be. Of how it could never be by her side. The only thing that kept me from spiralling further was her. The first time I'd looked up at her on my mother's old throne my breath caught in my throat. He'd dressed her in a floor length golden gown. It clung to her waist before cascading down her hips. The bodice was decorated in a beautiful lace, the light softly reflecting off the small gems integrated throughout. Fabric flowed off of her shoulders, more like a cape than sleeves. Around her forehead sat a small headpiece I never knew existed. Granted, I was aware of the concept, but had no idea it had ever been made. A gold circlet which flowed in the pattern of seiðr. It dipped in the middle of her forehead, with a teardrop emerald that hung from a curved piece of gold that resembled the horned helmet.

Even without any hint of green in the outfit she wore, with this around her head there never would be a shadow of a doubt that she was mine. None of the Lords or Ladies would ever attempt to touch her. And she shouldn't be allowed to wear it until after we wed. Yet it sat around her head as she sat on the throne of the acting Queen Regent. It was silently subdued compared to the empty throne next to Odin's and sat on the platform two down from the Allfather and one down from mine and Thor's. Gods that was enough to be my undoing. I was going to make it my life's mission to fuck her on that throne. If she can ever forgive me. My own thoughts proved enough of a distraction that I had to remind myself quite what this meant for the Court. There hadn't been a formal declaration of our intention to give her such a position, though most figured out what her presence here meant given we weren't exactly discreet about our relationship. On the occasions I'd left the palace for my duties I became aware that rumours had spread among the people of Asgard as well. Hours passed and I studied her. Her mask was good, almost perfect in fact. It was hard to register her emotions as she listened in on the hearings. Sometimes her eyes gave it away, whenever someone asked for something too ludicrous she'd have to stop herself from rolling them, or if someone was expressing true and real pain they would soften slightly. I doubted those moments could ever be truly hidden, and I never wanted them to. Evidence of the fact that she was opinionated, that she was kind, was important. Regardless of how certain people would view such insights into her mind, I valued the idea that she wasn't just our puppet. It was important to me that people saw that.