Infatuated with a God

Chapter Seventy-One

The buzzing in my head settled as the machine was turned off. I had tried to pull the needles out myself but was given a firm warning by both Banner and Tony. Honestly, I was too hazy to fight back. I felt like I was missing a period of time, and my memories from before now felt a bit more distant. It was as if a few years had passed between them, even if it had not even been an hour. People were fussing over me for a long time afterwards though. I just let it pass me by, allowing them to run all the tests they needed. I felt completely distant from that too. I could tell I was retreating into myself, but didn't care enough to stop it. I still felt heavy, the liquid still running through my body. I realised I was obeying commands still without thinking, and noted to them that it felt like I wasn't controlling my body fully still. Then something I didn't expect happened. Someone touched the back of my neck. It was something so simple, but flashes came back to me. Moments of people grabbing me by the back of my neck and throwing me down to the floor of a cell. People using my neck to lead me to the machine, to punishment, to be prepared for a mission. And something inside of me snapped. I threw my arm out and hit the arm away, my magic fuelling the attack without me commanding it to. Someone else grabbed my shoulder as I did, trying to refrain me from further attacking Banner. I noticed Steve take Banner away from the room as Tony tried to get through to me. His words were lost on me, instead I focused on how his hands felt on my body and I hated it. I threw out my magic, causing him to stumble backwards.

I usually would have been concerned that I had hurt him, and I realised that I was behaving wrong. But all of me just wanted people to stop touching me. More flashes of pieces of memories. The endless tests and training, the punishments if I would get something wrong or right, the liquid. The drugs that would pump through my body constantly. He went to reach out to me again, as did Wanda, although thankfully Vision held her back. In an instant I went to summon a dagger but found the subspace closed off to me as it had been since D.C.. Then hands wrapped around my wrists and brought them behind my back. I went to reach for my magic but then the warmth of the humming against my skin broke through to me. Instantly, I leant back against the comfort it provided me. I felt Loki relax as well as he realised I wouldn't fight against him as well.

"I... I'm sorry. I... Banner... is he?" I didn't notice that through the hall there were flashing lights, the sirens cut off from the soundproof glass.

"Shh, it's okay." I felt the presence of seiðr in my mind but didn't fight against the wave of exhaustion that came over me. I heard Tony's alarm as he began to yell at Loki. I went to tell him that everything was fine but couldn't find the energy to move my lips. "Sleep now, love. It's okay. It's all going to be okay."

When I awoke it felt like no time had passed at all. But I no longer felt on edge or panicked. The heavy blue liquid had run its course and burned out, and as a result I felt more in control of my body than before. It was enough for me to feel peaceful. It helped that everything smelt of Lavender and old books. My favourite combination. It was so calming to me now. Begrudgingly, I opened my eyes, noting that I was led down on a sofa that wasn't mine. Surprisingly, not a single part of me panicked. Deep down I must have known I was in Loki's apartment, perhaps the smell of old books gave it away. As I moved I noticed two things had changed. First, I was wearing the dark green woolly jumper Loki had altered the colour of just before the ball. Second, I was covered by a blanket I didn't recognise. It was dark green as well, and unusually warm. As if it had just left a tumble dryer but wasn't cooled down by the air around us. It also smelt of lavender. I was extremely well rested, but as I stirred to lie onto my back I felt the call of exhaustion again. It had been too long since I slept so well that it was hard to allow myself to wake up now. Plus, Loki hadn't spoke about me being awake yet and his seiðr was far enough away for me to know he wasn't in the room, so there was still time to allow myself to drift back to sleep. But then I heard the whispers from outside and couldn't help but reach out with my magic to know what was going on.