Infatuated with a God

Chapter Ninety

Kaya was gone for most of the day, Romanoff and Fury taking her off-base to discuss the mission she was yet to tell me about even as it took place tomorrow. With nothing else to do I had resigned myself to reading most of the day or perhaps finishing off the few translations I had left. However, preparing to leave her hurt too much, and the worry I felt about her mission left a bitter taste in my mouth. All of this, combined with the morning I had meant I couldn't concentrate on just frivolous tasks. My mind was firmly elsewhere. In fact every time I tried to occupy myself with anything else, I found my mind wandering back to this morning. How ready I had been to ask her to come with me. To court her. Perhaps I should be thanking Thor for stopping me. Odin's beard I was thinking of holding a binding ceremony and everything. Just how this mortal had wormed herself into my heart I had no clue, but the truth was painfully clear now. I loved her. It was an uncomfortable realisation. One that didn't elate me but sat heavily on my heart. In my youth I had imagined such a possibility. A throne and a queen by my side. One that would choose me time and time again, love me as my mother cherished Odin despite all his flaws. But over the past few centuries, and certainly the past decade, that future seemed impossible. There would be no throne and certainly no family. I was irredeemable at this point. Yet she stayed by my side. And there were moments, glorious moments, when I could convince myself she valued me the same. However, it was a trick I clearly played on myself. Those moments between us had to be me projecting my hopes onto her.

Her dreams were still a constant in my mind. How she had called me her maður. How I had called her my kona. And just how did she know of those words? Needing to quiet my mind before I spiralled too far into chaos, I decided reluctantly to walk next door. I'd already been aware of the constant pacing and worries of my brother who tried to keep his mind firmly elsewhere. Still, fragments of the conversation he had with Kaya played on repeat in his head. He tried to hide his thoughts, sheltering them to protect her in case I was listening, but the irony was that it caused them to call out to me further. Moments of her informing him about Asgard with a small distant smile on her face clung to me. It was all I picked up before trying my best not to pry. Gods how I wanted to pry. I craved to know what she had said to him but knew I couldn't. If she wanted me to know she would tell me, I reassured myself. It didn't stop the desire, though.

"Twice in one day? What a pleasant surprise." He called out as I stepped through the door, causing me to roll my eyes.

"Out with it already, I know you have questions." He sighed at my hostile tone but gestured for me to sit. Without thinking I summoned two chalices for us and an unlabelled bottle of strong Asgardian liquor. This would be a conversation better washed down with something strong, and Thor didn't hesitate to take the offer. Clearly he was nervous about this conversation too.

"Plenty, but it isn't me you should be talking to like this, brother. You owe that girl more than half-truths and disrespect."

I frowned at his comment, hating how protective he became of her. Kaya wasn't his to protect.

"Watch your tone, brother. I do not disrespect her, nor do I lie about most things to her. I keep some truths hidden from her, but only when necessary." That was the truth. I could barely keep anything hidden from her anyway. When I lied she knew, almost as if lies tasted just as bitter to her, as if she could feel them on her skin as well. I knew that wasn't the case, but still it was unnerving how clearly she could see. Mostly. It was almost laughable at how different it was when it came to her perceiving something about herself. Then she was as lost as any other common mortal.

"You love her." He spoke so plainly, as if it was an undeniable fact. As if he was telling me the sky was blue. I took a large gulp of my drink, enjoying that familiar burn. It had been a long time since I'd indulged and part of me remembered how frustrating it had been when Kaya had resorted to drinking away her problems. I went to deny it but found myself unable to form the words. It was pointless anyway, he knew me far too well, far better than I ever gave him credit for.