Infatuated with a God

Chapter Four

I soon began to settle into a routine in the tower. I would workout in the mornings until lunch which I would usually take alone. After lunch, I would keep to my room to read. Mostly this would take the form of books, but often I would find myself of the internet trying to catch up on what I missed during my time with Hydra. I would join whoever was at the tower for dinner and then would make my way through my list of media to watch. Steve often joined me, getting through his list at the same time. I spent the majority of my time around him as he was here the most. He shared many stories with me, and we found ourselves bonding. I wasn't the only person here who felt out of place, he too was thrust into a world he didn't know much about. At least I grew up in a world with the same technology, even if I didn't have access to it. However, I soon found most of my nights filled with silence. Soon after I was taken in there was a party I mostly kept away from. I joined the members towards the end but kept to myself, not feeling completely comfortable interrupting their fun. Towards the end of the night there was an attack on the tower. I fought as much as I could without a weapon but found myself outnumbered. It was the first time I was truly injured without anything in my head blocking the pain. There was some infighting after that. Plans were made and I felt more on the outside then ever before. They all went to defeat the robot known as Ultron and I was left with no one around and no JARVIS to aid my research.

I found myself in my room the majority of the time they were gone. I was grateful to have a place to stay and food to eat. I had access to some funds that enabled me to fill my closet and bookshelf. Ultimately, I was kept in much better conditions than before, but I realised how truly lonely I felt. Eventually JARVIS was replaced with FRIDAY, however a computer couldn't fill the void. I wasn't exactly friends with anyone, but I found comfort in how they behaved around each other. Even if I never was involved in the conversation it was comforting to be in the background during it. When they left I realised that I wasn't ever really alone before, even further than I could remember. Agent Romanoff had told me how we were raised and trained together, and then during my time with Hydra I was surrounded by agents even as I was put under. Now I just had days alone with my broken mind. Some memories had resurfaced during my time at the tower. Most of them didn't truly feel like I was experiencing them. Instead, it was like watching a memory through fogged glass, I knew I was there and what was happening but became completely detached from the actions I took. I remembered being stationed it what I believed to be England, and when I was able to talk to Steve and Agent Romanoff they said that this made sense. They explained that my accent caused them to suspect such, and that I must have been raised as I was taken from the Red Room too young to remain completely frozen by Hydra. I vaguely remembered fighting back against some agents causing them to suspend me. It felt more recent and was one of my last memories before waking up in Sokovia. The only others were of the sceptre and training with the twins.

The memories that were clearer were further back. They were always of assassinations I undertook from a young age. I realised they used my age to their advantage, sneaking me into political events under the guise of someone's daughter. It was easier to get targets alone when you were a teenage, easier still to kill them without being suspected. As I became older in my memories I remembered using other means to get my target alone. I remember feeling nothing as I watched my targets die. The moments these memories came back were the worst. Every emotion that was blocked out by Hydra's brainwashing hit me with full force. The panic and grief settled over me, completely swallowing me whole. It would cut off my ability to breathe properly and I found myself hyperventilating on the bathroom or bedroom floor many times. On the days I didn't remember anything new, the memories I had still settled over me like lead. Often, instead of panic I would feel either nothing or just overwhelming despair. Over the weeks I found myself resorting to many tactics to calm myself, taking refuge in the way my dagger would slice my skin. I realised it wasn't the healthiest way to cope, but it was all I had. Nevertheless, I found myself buying clothes with longer sleeves to hide my coping mechanism, not knowing how others would react. I didn't want to burden them anymore, they had already done so much for me, and they had bigger worries than their charity case.

Not all nights were like this, however. There was a guard who would take the day shift outside the training room. He always smiled when I arrived and would make small talk on my way out. Over time, I convinced him to spar with me even if I was only permitted to using training weapons. I doubted anyone knew I still had a dagger, so I kept it in my room. I wasn't going to use it on anyone else, but it was easier to fall asleep with it by my side. Alex had these kind blue light eyes and an infectious smile. His blonde hair was cut short, but with a fringe that he kept swept up slightly with gel. He quickly became my only real friend in the tower, and he spent some evenings with me teaching me card and board games. I enjoyed these nights the most. It began to feel like I was developing my own personality, not the one implemented by Hydra to accomplish missions, and not one that I adopted based on who I was around, but my own. After a few weeks, the Avengers came back. I was sat on the sofa eating mint chocolate chip ice cream, the next on my ever growing list, when the elevator pinged. I was met with only Stark and a woman I did not recognise before a crew of men walked out. I jumped up, worried that I was only in my soft grey cotton pyjamas and did not expect company.

"Grab your stuff kid, we are moving buildings."

I quickly packed what I could but was assured the bigger stuff would be joining me. Nerves consumed me on the journey upstate. I had found comfort in the tower and didn't want to leave. Still, I understood the reasoning when Stark explained. It was safer for the city if a fight broke out, although I would miss the view of New York City from my window. When we landed I was shown where the temporary quarters were before I was introduced to where my room would me. I calmed slightly when I realised it would have the exact same design and layout and thanked Stark. He smiled, mentioning something Agent Romanoff told him about finding comfort in familiar things and routines. I was then led into a large room, but my feet stopped when I saw familiar red hair in front of me.

"Wanda?" I managed to say, although my voice was quieter than attended. Her hair flung in the air as she turned to my voice. A smile crossed her face as she ran up to me.

"Kaya! You are okay!" She exclaimed, her familiar accent calming me. Her arms wrapped around me, and I froze slightly at the contact. We had never been too friendly, Hydra never really allowing it. Still the familiarity was calming, and I soon wrapped my arms around her. I scanned the room for Pietro but couldn't find his light blonde hair anywhere. Noticing me looking, Wanda sighed slightly.

"H-he didn't make it." She whispered, and I wrapped my arms back around her. I realised that she found comfort in my presence in a similar way.

We made our way towards the others in the room. I noticed a large black quinjet at the back of the room. The floor was half metal and half glass and you could see into the room below. I looked around at the other three in the room. There was a man in a suit of metal similar to what Stark wore, except it was completely dark silver. Another wore a suit of armour, but wings expanded out of the back, causing him to be able to fly. The final looked like a man, but his skin was red. A long golden cape was attached to what seemed like skin-tight clothes. When he spoke, I gasped.

"J-JARVIS?" He smiled at me and explained that his name was Vision, but that he was an accumulation of different sources, one of them being JARVIS. It made little sense to me, but I nodded nonetheless. I stood next to Wanda, feeling wholly out of place. There was a staircase in front of us, with raised to a balcony with a door. It suddenly opened, and I was grateful to see Steve walk through with Agent Romanoff.

"Avengers...it's time to begin training."