Infatuated with a God

Chapter Ninety-One

When she arrived back she teleported straight to her own room which confused me. I waited a second before joining her, confused as to why she was packing clothes and daggers in a bag.

"What's going on?" I questioned, still slightly tipsy from my drinking session with Thor. She jumped slightly at my words, even if she should have known I would be here. Clearly she had been so lost in her thoughts that it hadn't even registered to her that I was here.

"Sorry! I was going to pop in to say, they wanted me over in California tonight so I can prepare for the mission." That settled over me uncomfortably. The thought of her being alone on the other side of the country just hurt. So many things could go wrong, and she'd only just been attacked in the city here. This conversation would not happen tonight then. "I'll be okay, Loki. If you charge your phone I can keep in contact? Maybe show you the benefits of Midgardian technology." She smiled at me coyly, which should have been enough to peak my interest. My conversation with my brother left me too bitter to notice, and she picked up on it easily. Sitting on the edge of her bed and turning to me.

"This is the first of many now isn't it?" I don't quite know why I asked. It didn't matter if I left. I didn't want to leave. My thoughts were too over the place and I needed to leave before it got out of hand. We couldn't tonight, not when she needed to leave.

"Yeah, I mean I hope. They say if this goes well then they'll bring me on to missions fully even if it is more domestic issues. It makes sense to fill my time out now I'll... have a lot of it." When you're gone. The unspoken notion hung heavily above us.

"But I'll still keep working on my powers, and the translations of the books have been really helpful so far. I will cherish them deeply." She tried to smile but there was sadness within it. I should have left it there, but I truly had no self-control. I began to pace as well, which was becoming more and more common.

"And what about Hydra and the mind control?" To distract myself, I picked up the book on her bedside table. It was one of the Shakespeare's she had given me months ago, one I thought I had kept hidden in preparation for leaving. I wanted to selfishly keep it.

"Um... I guess Tony will keep trying to figure it out. I'll keep my distance from the Hydra cases, not that I have a choice. Hopefully, this lead in Lagos will end it." I nodded but wasn't really paying attention to her words. Instead I just stared at the book. I vaguely noticed her rising from the bed and walking over to me, but still keeping a healthy distance. After a moment of silence she spoke softer, as if she were trying to calm me down already. "I'll be okay, Loki. You don't need to worry about me. I'll be fine here, and they will look after me." I should be looking after her. Thoughts flooded me of her in Thor's arms, in the guard's, or anyone's. People looking out for her and her possibly falling in love with them because of it. The life she dreamed of with me, but with someone else in my place. And it suddenly became far too much to bear.

"Fuck!" I snapped, throwing the book to the floor loudly as if it were fire in my hands. I notice she jumped slightly, recoiling away from my exclamation. I continued to pace, running my hands through my hair in frustration as I noticed my vision blurred. Why was this so hard? And why couldn't I just wait until she was back from her mission?

"Tell me to stay." The words were out before I could stop myself. Neither did I try to shield the way I felt. There was no mask on as I spoke to her, as my tears threatened to fall. The silence between us worried me, and I couldn't bear to look at her now. I realised why she hid behind her hair now, it was easier to shy away from the emotions.

"Loki... I can't ask you to–"

"You could have. At any point you could have asked me to stay. Or even care for a second that I am leaving." I finally managed to look at her once I had blinked back the tears. She looked shocked and upset but I couldn't stop the words that spilled out.