Stone's Diary: Kairo

Chapter 63.) First Base

It was becoming more common for people to move about in the daytime, though the recent missing person's report would suggest otherwise. The cloak of the night was a sense of protection to Lucky and the rising sun was a frequent reminder that he was still alive yet his mother wasn't. Nighttime, he always laid everything uncovered. Nude. Free for the wandering eyes. Free for his loud thoughts to take him into oblivion. She was constantly on his mind- Ava.

25 years on earth and with his line of work, this was the first time he felt as if a distraction was for the best. But work always came first. Being robotic was all that he knew. Emotionless almost. Detached from his feelings and his body. Sometimes love danced around on his shoulders terrorizing him but he learned to ignore it.

The idea of one person other than the two women in his life falling in love or loving him the way that he didn't even know that he deserved, filled him with dread but it could be purposeful. Walking through his soulless house, knowing that something was missing to make him feel or want to stay, Lucky puffed on his newest edition of marijuana- some cotton candy strain that had him feeling more relaxed than last night. The blazing sun rays and morning light made the sky a pretty blue, and next to his all-red outfit his skin was glowing. Something like his mother's smile; softly radiant.

It was drawing closer to him taking care of Delano once and for all but he would admit, he was beginning to prolong it just to spend more time with his recent headache- Ava. There was just something about her that made him feel wholesome but also afraid to let her in. It was as if she could see right through him and that scared him, and Lucky didn't scare easily. He couldn't even remember the last time that fear had a place in his heart but running into mean-ass Ava, that word, that feeling, was burning through his body as if it had ownership.

Hate was a strong word. It was powerful. But Ava was everything that he always steered clear of. Life. A conscious. A beating heart. Humanity. Comfort. He was living, but his line of work always had him in survival mode. Meaning, he had no time for family, no time for fun, not even laughter. It was always business and money. Not even thinking was an option unless it had something to do with him making sure his kills were strategic.

He became mean. Heartless.

As he entered his bedroom, his cell phone rang on cue interrupting his thoughts and he knew exactly who it was- Ava. He's been dodging her messages for a while as well as her calls, but he knew it wasn't fair to her. But then again, how was he supposed to come out and tell her that he was a hitman for hire? How do you just come out and tell someone that? When was he supposed to tell her that? Before she fell too hard or after the fact? How the hell was he going to slip that piece into the middle of a conversation?

What would she think of him? To know that he was approached by some old-head Mobster right out of prison to do the dirty work for them for cash? How the hell was he supposed to tell her that he agreed to take lives for money rather than getting a job? How could he explain that convicted felons like him never had easy in the real world or workforce? Would she see his explanation as an excuse? Would she see him as lazy?

His phone rang again.

Lucky leaned against his nightstand and stared at his ringing phone as Ava's name flashed across the screen. She deserved someone better than him. It would be selfish of him to mix her in with his dangerous life. It was bad enough, he barely spent time with his aunt and sister, but imagine if he fell for Ava... how would they work? Little miss mean-ass with his mean-ass, what good would that do? How would he tell her that he hid his accent to keep her from guessing where he was from because he was paranoid?

His phone dinged.

Sighing, Lucky sat on the side of the bed and toyed with his blunt. How could he open up and tell her that he was detached from feeling? From allowing himself to have fun. To even become open to love. How could he put into words that though he was rough around the edges and had traumas he was constantly running from, he often wandered how life would be like if he fell in love? With her. Despite his decisions, he often thought about living a regular life but just as quickly as the thought came it left the same.