Stone's Diary: Kairo

Chapter 47.) The Renewal

Pulling up to the venue, Renae wasted no time hopping out of the car and rushing around the back of the building. She was terrified out of her mind when she spoke to a distraught King. She could barely make out what he was saying other than I got a bottle. Renae did not need him relapsing. It would crush her but she wouldn't give up on him, he needed her.

Making it around the building, Renae slowed her running as she stared at King while he eyed the brown paper bag.

"Babe..." she cautiously approached him.

"I didn't drink it," he mumbled, lowering his head as the tears fell.

Sitting next to him, Renae placed one arm around his shoulder and played in his hair with her free hand. She wanted to ask questions but wanted to give him time to gather his thoughts. She could only imagine the thoughts that were running through his head. Alcoholism was quite different from self-harm, but she knew the dark, taunting thoughts were one in the same. For twenty minutes, they sat in silence as she massaged his scalp and the back of his neck as he stared at the bottle of Jack.

"All I ever wanted was to be good enough..." He finally spoke.

Renae went to speak but stopped herself.

"I know I had other ways to make money but I chose tha' illegal route. What I did and who I hurt, came back to me in karma against our kids... our marriage... I'll never be enough for her, man..."

Renae frowned, "Never enough for who, King?"

Wiping his nose, King picked up the bag and the air in her body had slowly begun to dissipate. He wasn't going to drink right in front of her, was he? Did he want her to smack the bottle down? Nervous but hopeful, Renae just sat there, hoping that he would make the right choice. Removing the bottle, King twisted the cap. Renae watched in sheer silence.

Was this it?

Was this how he would relapse?

Am I just supposed to pretend as it nothing is about to happen?

Renae wanted to say something, anything to stop him but she wanted to see how far he would go. The next thing took her by surprise when King turned the bottle upside down as the brown liquid painted the concrete before he chucked it against the wall.

Closing his eyes, he inhaled slowly before glancing at her, "Are you sure you wanna do dis... with me?" Conflict and uncertainty lingered in his saddened eyes.

"Yes," she smiled through her tears and hugged him. "I love you and I'll always love you. You don't have to do it alone, I'm right here."

"I'm trying to be perfect for y'all... but I'm not ok," his confession came out in a whisper and pulled on Renae's heart.

"None of us are perfect," she cupped his face and made him look at her. "We made some stupid mistakes but you are worth more than you give yourself credit for. I love you. Our kids love you. You are an amazing father. A damn good provider and protector. You are allowed to cry. You are allowed to want help. It's ok to be vulnerable and it's ok to not have everything figured out."

"She's never around... not like tha' old times,"he mumbled softly.

"Who?" She wiped his face. "Your mom?"

King nodded, "I just want her to pretend dat she's fucking proud of me or something... every time I turn around she's comparing me to my pops and I hat— I hate dat shit!" He began to cry.

"I'm proud of you," she hugged him. "Your kids are proud of you. You've grown so much and worked so hard to overcome your anger. I know how you feel because I had to go through the same thing, but baby," she made him look at her. "You reminded me on a daily that the only person's approval and happiness that mattered was my own. I'm saying it to you now. I know you want things to change between you two but I don't know if she's ready yet, babe. Some days she's great and sometimes she's... she isn't but you matter. She wasn't always like this when I was around... I'm not sure what changed but your happiness matters. Your peace matters. So after our ceremony, I want you to take the time while we're in Greece to focus on yourself. At the end of the day, your mental health is important and should always come first, you hear me?"