Infatuated with a God

Chapter Sixty-Nine

I think I allowed myself to be too happy. That must have been it. I got too used to the comforts around me, forgot how easily they could be taken away from me. I'd convinced myself I could have this type of life. A hero to the public, a friend and colleague to the Avengers, and a lover to Loki in secret. Because it was perfect. I had been thriving, even in spite of my looming insecurities. Following the charity ball, I'd begun to train with the team again now the threat of Hydra was minimal, and they were being called on more usual terrorist threats. There were even whisperings of me gaining clearance again. It helped. Kept me busy. No one said anything to me about what happened. About the rumours around Loki and I that still wouldn't die. About the talk about what happened at the ball and the concern that he had tried to hurt me. People did talk about it, I knew that for certain. Once I heard hushed shouts coming from Tony before FRIDAY warned him of something, just as I rounded the corner to find him with Steve and Nat. It was completely unnerving, but I did my best to ignore it. I'd rather no one talk to me about it. Alex spent a lot of time around me again, shadowing me during my training and then trying to fill my empty evenings. I think he was worried that Loki had some supernatural control over me, it was probably a more comforting thought that it was solely my choice to be with him. Still, I couldn't complain. It was nice to have company on the nights I would be alone. I found out I didn't do well wallowing in my own thoughts. If I wasn't with Alex then Wanda and Nat would spend time in my room as well. Better to remain busy.

It didn't stop the nightmares coming back at night. I hadn't realised how safe I had begun to feel at night when I was with Loki. Even when I would wake up in my own bed, the nightmares had stopped when I fell asleep beside him. Maybe the abundance of seiðr around me had caused me to feel safe enough. It was always either one of two things. A clouded and fractured memory of my time in Hydra, one of my kills or what they referred to as training and I know knew was torture. Or a dream where I was back with them. Each time they would get me, and I would cry out for Loki. Scream as loud as I could. Often no sound would leave me. On the times that Loki could hear me he just watched with a smile as I was dragged away. Overall, I wasn't getting much sleep and was overworking myself again. I think Loki knew how rough I was finding it. We didn't really talk, and he never showed up for training again. I didn't expect him to either. But he was still there. He made his presence more known now we weren't spending time together alone. Whenever I was in a communal area with others he and Thor seemed to be there. It was hugely out of character for him, and it set Alex on edge completely. I thought he just wanted to keep an eye on me. If I looked half as exhausted as I felt I'm sure at least a part of him was worried. Still, life went on.

The next time I spoke to Loki was on my birthday. Not much happened that day, which is exactly what I wanted. To my surprise, Loki walked into the training room in that morning as I was sparring with Alex as I had been the past couple of days. I couldn't help but meet his eyes as he walked in the room. I was drawn to him far too easily. At first he seemed almost nervous, but it completely changed once he saw me and Alex together. I almost rolled my eyes at how obvious he was with his disdain of Alex. Then the cold mask fell over his face and then he laughed that deep mocking laugh that got under my skin. A loud clunk rang out as my dagger hit the floor in my distraction.

"Something funny?" I spat out, causing him to laugh harder at me.

"I thought you wanted to improve your craft, but clearly I was mistaken." I picked my dagger up and moved away from Alex, ignoring the way he said my name in a clear warning.

"And have you graced us with your presence to teach us mere mortals how to fight like a true Asgardian prince? Because I can save you the time and get Thor if that's the case." The venom dripped from every word I spoke, and it wasn't lost on Loki who flinched slightly at my tone. I sighed as soon as I saw it, regretting what I said but lost in my anger over the entire situation. In a flash of green Loki summoned his daggers in a clear challenge. I flipped my own blade, catching the hilt perfectly before moving to pick another, ignoring another warning from Alex as I did.