Tough Girl // Theo James

Chapter 33

Violet's POV -

In that moment I felt so isolated from the world and every person in it. I wanted to burst out and cry, but it was like my body didn't function. As I stare at the plain white wall in front of me, all I can hear is the fast paced sound of my heart, my jagged breathing, the laptop's whirring sounds as it fails to stay on and finally the distant shouts and pleads from Theo to talk to him. It's like Eric's words had persuaded me that there was no meaning in life, that everything we do will eventually stop. So I just sit there, feeling Theo's strong hold on my shoulders as he shakes me vigorously. Maybe Eric was only lying, maybe he only said those things to make me come back to him? But even though I try to convince myself that Theo is a good man, I can't help the sinking feeling in the bottom of my heart, telling me that he truly did what I was told. That he, killed my mother.

Snapping out of my dazed trance, I slowly stand up from the bed, with a relieved looking Theo peering at me intensely. "Violet, what's going on?" Theo asks, curiosity evidant in his voice. And in that split second, I crack. "Oh you know perfectly well what's going on Theo! Stop acting so innocent all the time! I know your secret, now stop trying so hard to hide it." I spit at him. "Violet, I honestly don't know what you're talking about." Theo sighs, stepping back slightly. "I honestly don't know what you're talking about." I mimick, feeling jolts of anger course through my bones. I step forward so that we're chest to chest and I quickly shove Theo to the ground. When Theo lets out a groan after hitting the floor, I bend down and punch him in the jaw, a mark already forming. "J-just tell me what I d-did." Theo stutters. I slowly stand up, as does Theo, and sit back on the bed, calming myslef. Clearing my throat, I look up at Theo who's wearing a confused look. "You killed my mother." I state, searching Theo's eyes for anything that might tell me its a lie. But there's nothing.

The atmosphere is filled with an uneasy silence and eventually Theo speaks. "How did you find out?" He asks quietly. "Not your problem, Theo. Are you going to f*cking explain yourself, or am I just going to have to take it the way I want?" I ask. "How do you want to take the situation?" Theo replies. "Well..." I begin, placing a fist under my chin in mock thought. "I would beat the sh*t out of you, leave S.H.A.D.E. and then kill you. I think that's pretty fair." I tell him. Another silence fills the tense air. "I'll explain." He says, so quietly that its close to nothing. He slowly sits on the bed beside me, but I shuffle over, creating a good amount of space between us. The next few minutes is me listening and Theo explaining the death of my mother.

"As you probably already know, I knew this girl called Angie. Well, she was my girlfriend, but she died a year ago. Anyway, I was told she died from a fire, which I suppose was true, but I only recently found out that Eric started that fire. After she died, I became depressed. Really depressed. I would go through phases where I wouldn't have showers or change my clothes for days or I wouldn't eat for as long as possible. Sometimes I had the urge to self harm, but I knew Angie wouldn't have wanted that since she went through some tough times herself. I was scared, Violet. So scared. I was scared I would die, it got that bad. I would lie in bed every night and think, 'what did I do to deserve this?'. We had such a perfect life, the type of life everyone dreams of. The night of the fire, I was meant to propose to her, but I obviously didn't get the chance. After something like two months, I couldn't hold on much longer. I started drinking, smoking, but I told myself I'd never do drugs. I guess after another month I thought drugs were the only thing that could keep me slightly sane.

So I called up this drug dealer, Rob, the guy who you thought killed your mother, and I started getting mostly cocaine from him. Sometimes it soothed the hearbreak I had suffered from, sometimes it would make it worse. But I kept buying, even though many times I decided I should stop. One night, I was craving it, but my stock was empty. So I called Rob, asking for more, but he said he was busy. I suppose I was so caught up in all that sh*t I didn't realise what I was doing when I tracked down his meeting place and snuck in. At the time, he was in the lounge talking to some other dealers, so I went upstairs and took a blue bag from his box. I got home safely, but sometimes I wish he had just caught me then and there so that I didn't have to put you through what you did.

About a week later, I got a call from Rob saying he was coming over. He's a scary man, so I didn't have the guts to say no. When he came to my apartement, he immediately went to my room. He searched through all my cupboards and draws, dumping everything, until eventually he found the empty blue bag underneath some clothes. He was furious. He shouted at me and swore at me and punched me and kicked me. I begged for forgiveness, I told him I'd do anything to get on his good side again. He told me that if I didn't do what he wanted, then he's kill me, so I did everything he said. He knew about you, Violet. In fact, every gang in England does. S.H.A.D.E. isn't the only group that have been tracking your every moves.

You've got people searching for you. They all want you in their gangs, to fight other gangs for them, because everyone know how talented you are. Rob told me the only way that I would get away alive was to bring you to him. He knew we had the highest technology in England, so he thought it would be a good idea to use us to find you. No one in S.H.A.D.E. knew about this apart from me. Looking through your files, I knew about your past with your mother, but I also gathered that you cared about her. So I used her to lure you towards Rob. I was the one who told Rob all the information about you. I was the one who gave him the idea to capture your mother to get you closer to him. I was the one who stayed at the base at the time because I was too scared that Rob would see me there and realise that I was helping you, because if so, he would just kill me. I was scared Violet. I was selfish and scared. I never thought about you, I never thought about what he would do to you. But in the end, Eric saved you. Not me... him. Rob killed your mother instead of just keeping her hostage so that he could see you in fight mode, he wanted to watch you fight. He wanted to see if you were good enough for his gang. And you were.

So I understand if you hate me, I hate me too. I killed your mother, Violet. It was all my idea. Because I'm a coward. I'm a weak, selfish, good for nothing coward."

So there's a huge filler chapter for you! I hope you liked it, even though nothing actiony (is that even a word?) happens. So yeah, I ish feel bad for Theo, because he went through all that druggie stuff. The moral of the story is:

"Don't do drugs, kids".

Anyway, continue to vote, comment, message me. Just read my book, I like having reads :) Thank you for not giving up on this book, it means a lot to me. Continue to read my little chipmunks :) (reading is good for y'all)

Gracias xx