Clear | Sirius Black

Twenty-One

It's the End

I have been told that with each break up you go through, each one gets worse and worse, but the outcomes become better. But, I was never told that sometimes you don't hurt at all. Sometimes you are completely fine because you were preparing for the break up in your head.

Breaking up with Sirius that night in the tower wasn't the plan I had in my head. I was supposed to tell him how it happened, then leave it alone. Walk away and let him chase after me and tell me how much he loved me, but I ended things.

I just let it slip out of my mouth and went with it. In a way he deserved it. He was pissed off and treated me poorly after finding out about Remus. The joke he had made that morning was the last straw for me. It was clear to me that I couldn't be with him anymore.

Marlene and Lily were shocked when I had told them about Sirius and I breaking up. I did shed some tears that night. I allowed myself to grief instead of pushing everything away this time. I wasn't going to ignore that it hurt me at the time.

Now, two weeks later and I'm feeling better. I was still hurt and grieving the loss of our relationship, but I had come to terms with it. I knew it was over and I told Sirius that if he wanted to fix anything between us, he would have to prove to me that he wanted to. He had to earn my forgiveness this time.

All of the Marauders were made up, but there was still some tension between them all. James said he was sorry for yelling at Sirius, but he didn't regret it. Sirius apologized to Remus, but like me, Remus said he had to prove it. Being forgiven for a crime like that is not easily earned.

James had talked to me in private a lot about how to handle Sirius now. I just told him that it wasn't my play anymore and Sirius had to make the next move. James wasn't sure with my choice, but I told him it wasn't his choice to choose. I had broken up with Sirius and that was final.

It was now the day before James' birthday and Lily was showing us what all she had gotten James for his special day. Marlene had sneaked us some firewhiskey, but we were drinking it slowly. Just a nice girl's night.

"So, Monroe, have you talked to Sirius since the break up? I have noticed that he is actually doing his work with you during classes." Marlene stopped for a moment, "Has he done anything to prove that you should forgive him?"

"Yes, he has earned my forgiveness for not helping me in classes, but not for how he treated me during the past month. He was cruel and just cold to me. With the cold jokes and snarky remarks, he has a lot to work for." I said, sipping my drink.

"You are handling this more maturely than I thought, Rowie. You always handle things in a mature way, but this is on another level. You haven't started anything, but are simply letting him work for what he wants. Sirius Black needs to learn to work for something in his life." Lily said, while wrapping the last of James' presents.

"I agree. Monroe has been acting like a proper lady handling everything. She didn't push anything away and handled it all. I couldn't be more proud of you, Monroe." Marlene confessed.

I smiled, but felt this wave of emotion hit me. I had handled it in a mature way, but I really held back all of the anger I felt. My lip began to quiver and my eyes had tears at the rim. I looked up at the ceiling of our dorm trying not to cry.

Marlene lowered her cup down, "Monroe, we didn't mean to upset you. We are so sorry if we said anything." I finally let out a little sob, "Oh Monroe, come here dear!" Marlene ordered.

I crawled over to Marlene as she wrapped her arms around me. Lily crawled over as well and wrapped her arms around me on the other side. Marlene rubbed my shoulder, as I cried.