Insecurities

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++++Bella+++++

Tonight Justin and I have our first appearance tonight since having the twins. I am about 20 lbs heavier than I was before the twins. I was breastfeeding Ella while Eli slept in his car seat fast asleep. I didn't like the way my body looked at the moment and I've been so stretched that I haven't gotten around to start working out again. "Bella," my stylist Jason snaps me out of my thoughts. "I'm sorry, what were you saying?" I focus back on him.

He sits down in the chair in front of me. "Nope, girl what's going on with you?" he asks folding his arms. "I'm heavier," I sit Ella up to burp her, not making eye contact with Jason. "Ms. girl you just gave birth to not one child but two children. Nobody is expecting you to be a size 2," he smacks my legs. "I know but I don't want to feel like an incage sausage in my clothes," I sigh.

"Have I ever let you walk the streets or any red carpet looking crazy before?" he asks. I shake my head no. "Exactly so don't start doubting me now," he said returning to the rack and sorting through it. Ella was wide awake and now she was making noises creating spit bubbles. "Are you excited to see uncle, Jason?" I turn her around and bounce her up and down on my lap.

She cracked a toothless smile, which made me smile. "Okay, so I was thinking let's do something simple like a black dress. Black will make you appear smaller and you won't have to worry about staining anything if your breast starts leaking," he holds up a long strapless black maxi dress. "Perfect!" I smile. "Do you like mommies dress?" I ask Ella who put her fingers in her mouth smiling. "She's so stinking cute," Jason holds his arms out towards Ella. She leans into his arms and I smile while he bounces her in the air. Eli stayed asleep while I finished my fitting for tonight.

"How do I look?" I turn to Jason. "Your mom is hot," he says to Ella. "You really think so?" I sigh looking in the mirror at myself. "Call Justin and see what he thinks," he said picking up my phone and FaceTiming him. "Hey, Jason," Justin answers. "I am here with your wife getting her outfit for your appearance tonight and she doesn't think she looks good. Can you please tell her she looks great in the dress," he flips the screen so that Justin could see the full dress

 Can you please tell her she looks great in the dress," he flips the screen so that Justin could see the full dress

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"Baby you look amazing," Justin says. "I don't look big?" I ask him. "Let me see your face," he says and I take the phone from Jason. "Bella baby you look incredible. I love you and the extra weight you put on from the twins. You don't look, fat baby, you are and have always been thick," he smirks. "Thanks," I give him a small smile. "Hey look at me," he smiles, which makes me smile. "You're beautiful to me no matter what," he says. "Okay baby," I say handing Jason back the phone. "Thank you," he says to Justin before hanging up. "Now that we have that all under control let's get you and the little ones back home.

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"Babe I'm home!" I sat a car seat down on the counter. Jason sat the other one next to the other car seat. Justin and Elisa came down the stairs rushing to get to the babies. "Be careful," I warn the two of them. "I just got Ella back to sleep, she's been up all morning," I inform them. "Alright love I am heading out of here, I'll see you later alright?" Jason kiss my cheek and gives me a hug. "Thank you," I smile walking him to the door. I could hear Ella's cries as I put the alarm back on the door.

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