When I wake in the morning I'm dangling off the bed. Emily has her arms and legs stretched out beside her and I have no idea how Derek puts up with it.
I push myself back towards the centre and Emily groans while pulling her arms in. The time on my phone reads 8:30 so I decide that now seeing as though I'm awake, I'll get a shower.
When I climb out of bed, I instantly re think my decision, the cold wooden floor sends chills through my body and the even colder air causes my skin to ripple with goosebumps.
I grab my dressing gown and two towels from the cupboard before leaving the bedroom. The whole apartment is silent and I begin to worry slightly that the running water might wake Emily.
The bathroom is even colder than the rest of the rooms so I turn on the shower and let it steam everywhere up before I undress.
The warm water soothes my aching muscles and gives me a chance to think through everything with Spencer, alone.
Was Will telling the truth?
Would Spencer cheat on me?
Is he doing drugs again?
An anxious feeling builds in my stomach as the thoughts whizz through my head but I can't stop them. I love Spencer, I just don't think I can can continue with all the hurt in the realtionship. We have good weeks and days every now and again, but when it really comes down to it... I'm more unhappy than happy.
I want to punch myself for feeling that way. Spencer helped me and my family so much after my fathers death. He bought this apartment himself. He always makes me laugh, he does make me happy. I shouldn't be thinking through things like this.
When I move my head from under the flow of water I hear the toilet seat move and the shower curtain is pulled back.
"Hi"
"Uh- hi" I reply while covering myself up and Spencer chuckles.
"What are you doing?" he asks, pulling the shower curtain from my grip and revealing my body.
"I was showering." I state a little too bluntly and he frowns.
"Can I join you?" his eyes are holding heavy bags and his face and arms are covered in red patches. It looks like he's tried and failed to clean them. It takes me a few minutes to realise he's wearing no top and his jeans also have red patches on them.
"Is that from Will?" I ask, running my wet fingers down his dirty arms.
He pulls back instantly, his eyes glowing with anger and I realise I shouldn't have said that. "Will?" he questions and his frown grows deeper with each second of my pause. "Jennifer fucking answer me." his fingers wrap tightly around my still outstretched arm and my skin burns from his touch.
A mix of emotions flood through me. Feeling Spencer's cold hands on my bare arm causes me to flush... to feel a wave of lust, but the anger laced through his words causes me to feel cautious and push the dirty thoughts to the back of my mind.
"He-"
"He what? are you- is that him in our bed?" he shouts loudly and takes two large strides to the bathroom door.
I climb out of the shower as fast as I can, not even taking the time to wrap a towel around me. Spencer swings the door open and it crashes against the tiles behind it, leaving a large crack in the wall.
"Spencer!" I reach him and grab his arms in an attempt to pull him back. "It's Emily!" I call while slamming my fist against his puffing chest as he faces me. I do it again with my other hand and he grabs my wrists tightly again.
I look up to his face and find his bloodshot eyes slowly allowing tears to fall. "I- I'm sorry." I say hoping I didn't hurt him too badly.
He let's go of me and walks back to the bathroom, closing the door behind me as I follow him. I begin to feel slightly cold with not wearing any clothes, I'm surprised Spencer isn't also cold. Where is his shirt?
He throws a towel at me when he notices I'm shivering and I wrap it around myself. "I'm sorry..." he pauses, but I don't let him continue.
"You thought I'd actually-"
"No JJ I-"
"You thought he was in our bed Spencer. You thought that while you were gone I slept with him." How couldn't he trust me?
"It's not like that it-"
"Stop lying!" I shout and he looks up from the floor with sad eyes. "You were ready to go in there and kill whoever was in our bed." I lower my voice, not wanting to wake Emily with our arguing.
"I'm sorry, I can't- I can't help it." his voice cracks and I think back to what he told me about Maeve.
"It's fine." He steps closer to me when I finish my short sentence and places his large hand on my shoulder. I can't bring myself to meet his eyes, but he almost forces me to when he lifts my bowed head.
"I love you Jennifer." he kisses my lips softly, then steps back again when I don't respond.
"I'll uh- I'll leave you to take your shower I-" he stops and runs his fingers through his long hair.
"I'm done."
"Wait you're-" he stops again and looks to the shower then back to me. "ok- are you uh, are you hungry?"
"No." I break the eye contact and leave the bathroom.
He needs to stop treating me like this. He needs to know that he can trust me, that I love him and I wouldn't do something like that.
When I open the bedroom door, Emily is sat up in the bed with her eyes glued to the TV screen.
"Are you ok?" she asks with out even looking at me. I take a seat on the end of the bed and her eyes finally meet mine.
"I don't know what to do Emily." I sigh and she forces a smile.
"Is this about last night?" she asks while moving her eyes back to the screen and I frown, she knows Will came here? "You know, when you said you don't know him?" She finishes and a wave of relief follows the rest of her question. I'm going to have to tell her though.
"Will came here last night." I sigh and her head snaps back in my direction.
"What?"
"He came here while you were showering... he told me-" I lower my voice before continuing. "he told me about Spencer."
"What did he say?" she asks with a frown and I explain everything while changing back into my pyjamas.
When I'm done her mouth is open wide and tears are rolling down my cheeks. "I told you, I don't know him." I finish and she nods slowly.
"So-" she's cut off by the bedroom door swinging open and Spencer is stood in the arch now fully clothed.
"So the bastard was here?" he growls while stepping into the room and I feel Emily shift beside me.
"I sent him away Spencer."
"He told you all that?" he asks, his voice slightly lower than before. His frowning eyes move to Emily and then back to me. "You believe him?"
"I-"
"You fucking believe him don't you?" he shouts again and crashes his fist against the open door, leaving another thing broken.
"You never tell me anything! You sneak out in the middle of the night and don't come back until the morning, either drunk or full of blood! of course I believe him Spencer!" I shout back, taking a large breath after my words.
He frowns deeply again and I continue with my questions, getting them all out now I've already started.
"If you're not doing what he says you are, then what are you doing Spencer? I don't think I can put up with your lies and all of your sick little games anymore. You're either hot or you're cold and I can't do it anymore. Why won't you let me in?" His frown softens when I'm done, but then re appears as he admits most of what Will told me was true.
"But I don't sleep with prostitutes and take drugs." he defends him self when my tears flow again.
"Why do you owe a drug dealer so much money then? Why do you beat people up because he told you to?" I wipe the tears from my eyes and watch Emily climb out of the bed from the corner of my eye. She squeezes past Spencer and makes short eye contact with me before closing the door behind her.
"I don't do it for him JJ, I do it for you." he sighs and my tears start again.
"You beat people up for me? what kind of sick things are going through your head Spencer? I never asked for this!"
"No- no... I- god damn it!" he pulls at the roots of his hair then looks right into my eyes. "He- Damien payed for most of the apartment cause I couldn't afford a good one. I wanted you to be happy, I wanted you to live in a nice place. Now I owe him the money he payed, so-"
"So you're bringing people close to death?" I finish for him and he screws his face up.
"No! for fuck sake, just listen!"
"I am listening Spencer, but all I'm hearing is you making up excuses. I could have payed for half of the apartment!"
He punches the door again before heading to the wardrobe and pulling out a sports bag. He grabs two handfuls of his clothes and shoves them inside.
"What are you doing?" I ask, worry building in the pit of my stomach as I watch him pile his belongings into the bag.
"You can fucking have it Jennifer. I'm done, I did this for you. For you and you don't appreciate it one bit!" he shouts and swings the bag over his shoulder before leaving the room.
I chase after him as he takes large strides to the front door. "Of course I appreciate it Spence!" He doesn't look back and he resists my attempts to pull him back. The door closes behind him and I fall to the floor in tears. I've lost him.
Emily comes from the kitchen and pulls me up, Wrapping her arms around me tightly and allowing me to cry into her shoulder.
"You guys will be fine soon." she reassures me again and a large burst of tears come out as I laugh.
She draws back and looks at me with a confused expression. "Jayje?"
"You're right, I'm just being silly..." I try to hide the fact that I'm broken. I try to smile, but instead I end up crying again.
"Who am I kidding Emily? he hates me."
"He doesn't hate you." She corrects me and rubs my shoulder. "You guys have just had a small argument like Morgan and I... you're going to be fine." She attempts another smile and I thank her. I don't know what I'd do without Emily.
Spencer's POV:
I'm going to fucking kill Will, I'm going to kill him. If he would have just left her alone! If he-
My already sore fist connects with the elevator wall, leaving a huge dent and me wincing in pain. I adjust the bag on my shoulder and text Damien to pick me up.
When I climb inside his car I take a quick look up to my- JJ's apartment window expecting her to be there but she's not.
This is it, we're actually over... we've actually split up. I slouch in the car seat as Damien begins to drive.
"What's going on?"
"That bastard Will, why would you drop him so close to my fucking apartment Damien? You know he stalks her or some shit, I fucking told you."
"Hey, don't moan at me. You're the one that fucked things up again... you always do." he states and I don't react.
He's right, I ruin everything and hurt everyone. JJ is just one of the many.
"So that's it?" he questions and I look up to his face. "She's not your girlfriend anymore?"
If this wasn't Damien if actually thing he holds some sympathy with his words, but it is.
"No." I manage to say as my own words crush my stomach like a rock, causing me to feel sick.
I wish that wasn't it, I wish we had a future together but I'm not good enough. She deserves so much better than me.
I lean back against the seat and close my eyes, letting a few thoughts quickly run through my head.
"Take me to the airport." I demand and Damien nods, speeding the car up and turning sharply around a car.
The drive is short and when we arrive there he gets out of the car at the same time I do. I close the door and look over the roof that Damien's elbows are leaning on.
"I hope you're not going to be gone too long Reid. I need my money and if you don't pay, she will." he smirks and climbs back into the drivers seat.
He drives away before I can answer, but I don't have to cause he knows I'll pay him.
A/N:
I know it's short again, sorry!! hopefully I'll update again either tonight or tomorrow.