Prem's POV
"Ai'Prem, N'Tew told me N'Wad kind of thinks what happened here was his fault."
I sag against the wall running my hands through my hair. How much remorse and regret is my boyfriend going to carry because of that bastard? I thought I had unpacked all of his worries about his past, but like always, I find another unopened box in the corner. Sliding down the wall, I pull up my knees, resting my head on them. I left the meeting angry, not at Wad but myself for not seeing this. What am I doing?
"P'Prem?" I look up at the voice. "Are you ok?" P'Bright's boyfriend asks, sitting down beside me.
"You want the truth?" I look over at him. Why is he here? Maybe he is looking for Bright.
"What good would a lie do?" N'Kammon counters. What good would a lie do? I wonder.
"Then no," I sigh, "I am not ok."
"Anything you want to share?" N'Kammon asks, tilting his head.
I think this is the first time I have been this close to this guy. I smile. Bright didn't stand a chance if those are the looks he gives him. He looks like a fluffy bunny, and I can see my friend melting with those doe eyes blinking at him. Compared to Wad, he is so bright. I chuckle at the unintended pun.
"P'Prem?" N'Kammon leans in closer, "Should I call someone?"
"No," I pull away, creating some space between us. No wonder Bright is so mental about this guy's personal space issues. He has no boundaries.
"OK," N'Kammon hums as he leans against the wall, "So are you going to share?"
"I learned N'Wad feels responsible for what happened here," I reply, leaning back.
"Oh," N'Kammon mumbles, "It isn't his fault."
"So you don't blame him?" I ask.
"Why would I blame him?" N'Kammon looks at me, confused, "He is a victim. I am a victim. Victims are not at fault. Nothing he did, caused what happened to him. Just like nothing I did, caused what happened to me. P'Dean and those involved are the ones at fault. They are who I blame."
"You know we know, right?" I state watching to see his reaction, even though he just admitted to me he is a victim.
"Knowing and knowing are two different things," N'Kammon stands up. I shake my head. Bright has his hands full with this one. I wish him luck. N'Kammon pulls out his phone and sends a message.
I get up and smile, seeing Bright's name surrounded by hearts on N'Kammon's screen. At least Wad and I aren't that sappy.
"They are the same, nong. Talk to him. Not knowing how to help hurts." I ruffle N'Kammon's hair and walk off.
Walking into my dorm, I find the lights already off. Is it that late? I look at my watch and see that it is. I flick on the light in the bathroom, and I can see from the faint light it throws into the room that Wad is already asleep. Sitting on the side of the bed, I brush the hair out of his eyes. He has wanted to cut it for a while now, but I like it long. Maybe I should let him for the trial. I tuck a strand behind his ear, kissing his temple.
Lying down next to him I watch him sleep. When he scrunches his brow, I smooth it. What are you thinking? Even in his sleep, bad memories plague him. I wonder if N'Kammon has nightmares. I hope he talks to Bright before it breaks my friend.
I smile when Wad snuggles against my chest. Wad is just like a cat. He always seeks out warmth. I wrap my arm around him and still when I feel him tense. You never know how Wad will react to touch in his sleep.
"Prem?" Wad murmurs drowsily.
"Yes," I breathe into his hair. "Go back to sleep."
Wad pulls his head back and squints at me, "You are still dressed?" Rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand, yawning. "Go shower and change. Are you hungry?" Wad starts to get up, and I grab his hand, stopping him.
"Just stay for a bit," I pull him close and breathe in the scent of him. "I need a recharge." I feel him chuckle against my chest as he nuzzles my neck.
"Why are you so clingy?" Wad mumbles into my chest.
"Because my boyfriend is hiding things from me," I answer and feel him stiffen.
"W-W-What am I hiding?" Wad stammers, trying to pull away.
"What happened here wasn't your fault, Wad," I tell him, and he goes slack in my arms.
"Oh," Wad says, and it reminds me of N'Kammon's response to my confession earlier.
"Why would you think that?" I ask, stroking his hair. I know why, but I want him to say it.
Wad takes a deep breath and wraps his arms around my neck, "I just keep thinking I could have stopped all of this if I had told someone."
"I can't say that you would have or wouldn't have stopped it," I start, "At that time, who would have believed you? Even here, P'Dean had blinded everyone with his Golden Boy act. You could have ended up like all the students here that were ignored. Ai'Tee told, and nothing happened. I am sure others did, too. P'Dean knew how to charm who he needed to and how to hide his dark side from everyone except his victims."
"Do you think it will be any different at the trial?" Wad questions. I know he is still afraid of facing P'Dean, and I can't protect him from this.
"This is different, Wad," I pull him in tight, "There is evidence. Not only of the assault but the kidnapping is something he cannot deny. Your friend from school gave statements to back up your injuries, and the drugs found in your system back up his story and yours. The security footage shows you didn't willingly get in the car. Everything is against him. Even when he is tried here for the things he did at university, he will have a hard time getting away with it. There are the videos, and the evil fruit has turned on him. He won't be coming out of this, Wad."
"I know all of this," Wad sighs, "but..."
"But you are still scared," I finish for him, "I am here. Lean on me when you get tired of it all. Please?"
"Don't you get tired?" Wad asks, looking up at me.
I kiss his forehead, "That was why I was getting a recharge." I pull him close. "As long as you are here, I can never get tired."
Wad's POV
Waking up, I smile at the familiar weight and the warm breath against my neck. Prem found me out again last night. I don't know why I keep thinking I can hide things from him. He always finds me out. Prem is right none of this is my fault. Even Kammon doesn't blame me for what happened to him.
It was late when Prem got back, and I look at his arm draped across my waist and see he is still fully dressed. I could never convince him to shower and change. He kept saying he needed to recharge, and in the end, we both fell asleep. I lift his arm and wiggle out from underneath him. I move the hair from his eyes and kiss him lightly before I get up. For once, I am going to be the one to pamper him. Pulling on a pair of basketball shorts, I grab my keys and head to the stall to get us breakfast.
Walking back in, I hear the shower and shake my head at the discarded clothes on the floor. How hard is it to put them in the basket the first time? He always does this. He throws them on the floor then picks them up when he is done showering. It is one of his quirks I have yet to figure out. I gather them up and place them into the laundry basket.
"I was going to pick those up," Prem says, walking out of the bathroom, "Where did you go?"
"I know you would, and I got breakfast," I answer as Prem wraps his arms around my waist, kissing my cheek, "You start. I will shower."
Prem grabs hold of my shirt, and I look back at him, "Eat with me."
How could I say no to that face? "OK, but I will need to shower and get ready for school later." I smile when he nods with the spoon in his mouth. I have to do so little to make him smile.
"Why were you so late last night?" I ask, sitting down.
Prem's POV
"P'Dear called a meeting," I reply, taking a bite and pause. Should I tell Wad what we found out last night? Tutah believes they know, but how much?
"Why weren't we included?" Wad looks up, frowning.
"It was about N'Kammon," I state, knowing Wad won't let it go, so I might as well just tell him.
"Huh? Why about...," Wad trails off. "He really was a victim." I nod. "Does P'Bright know?"
"Yes," I run my hand through my hair, "He asked for them to look through the video to see if there was one of N'Kammon."
"Was there?" Wad questions going pale. I nod. "Did you... Did you see it?"
"No," I answer quickly, "I don't think P'Dear saw it either. Ai'Tee is the one who looked through it, I believe."
"You have seen videos," Was mumbles picking at his food.
"When we first started, we saw one briefly," I admit, "It was one from this year since that Kiwi guy was part of it."
"Is he ok?" Wad asks.
"Who? N'Kammon?" I query, and Wad nods. "As ok as you are, I would say. I think he is in denial or thinks he is over it."
"But you don't think he is," Wad fills in.
"Are you?" I counter. "It is not that simple. You can't just tuck it away in a box and call it done now, can you? Even if it was not as horrific as what happened to you, it was still bad."
"What is P'Bright going to do?" Wad asks, pushing the food around on his plate. His appetite and mine have gone.
"Same as me," I answer, and Wad's head snaps up, "Wait and be there. Isn't that all we can do?" I reach across and wipe the lone tear from his cheek. "I love you. I will not go anywhere, and I will be with you every step of the way. And I will wait for you." How do I convince him that all I want to for the rest of my life is to make him smile?
"I don't...," I cut Wad off.
"I thought I had broken you of saying that," I frown. "You deserve this, Wad, so don't tell me of all people you don't." I look at the clock by our bed. "Go take a shower. I will clean up."
Wad stands up and starts to walk to the bathroom, "Wad," I call, "Don't tell your friends. But try to be there for N'Kammon. Ai'Bright is worried for him." Wad nods his head and gives me a weak smile.
"We figured it out," Wad tells me, "Don't worry. Isn't he part of the group? You know we watch after our own."
I smile as he goes to the shower. I hated these nongs at the beginning of the year; I thought they were disrespectful and lazy, especially Wad. Just like I was wrong about Wad, I was wrong about them all. Tutah is right. They are us all over again. P'Win said we were a force before them, and now we were overwhelming. I wonder if our nongs will try to be hazers? I look at my hazer jacket hanging on my closet door and smile, picturing Wad in one. I wonder if the first years would see the irony of these nongs becoming hazers. They would make great ones, even the girls.
2071 8-11-19
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Officially over 300k words. I am insane.