In the philosophy of time, there are two theories. The A Theory, and the B Theory.
The A Theory describes the flow of the future, present, past in the way that something moves from the future to the present, and that after something happens, it recedes into non-existence,
The B Theory is the belief that there is nothing distinguishable about the past, the present, and the future. That they are all equally real, and time is tenseless. The three are different in the way in which humans understand them - the future exists, but we just know less about it.
The B Theory is more widely accepted than the A Theory for many reasons, but one of them is a simple question.
How fast does time pass?
Saying one hour per hour is not a proper answer, and there is no other one, so this argument concludes that there is no real proof to the idea that time 'passes' at all, or that it moves backwards like one would think of something in the past.
Marley has studied the philosophy of time profusely in the past, with Gabby and excessive amounts of microwave popcorn. But neither of them can truly take one stance over the other, no matter how deep they dive into the thought experiments or the ideas of A Theorists or B Theorists.
So what time is it? What is now, or later, or tonight, or tomorrow? Is it just an illusion to believe that she has spent a minute, a second, a day laying here?
It is an illusion to say how long ago her brother and mother left her? To pinpoint years or seconds or days?
It was lightly raining, not pouring. But not misting, either. Somewhere in between. She had her back to the ground, her eyes closed and her palms open as the water slid across her skin and soaked her clothes, feeling it. Feeling something.
She had to hide at first, because despite her cruelty, despite everything she said - he refused to let her go. So she dove into the trees and slid into a small den beneath a hill, while he called her name.
Searched for her.
She didn't move.
Didn't breathe.
Didn't make a sound.
After his voice disappeared, she made her way through the trees, stumbling and dizzy in the opposite direction.
She thought if she kept moving it would all go away.
But it can't go anywhere. Maybe B Theory is correct, maybe it all exists and it never goes anywhere.
He'll never go anywhere. Maybe he's home, maybe her mother and Jacobi are sitting on the porch somewhere and she can't reach them.
Maybe she's still in class, his hand skidding down her back, branded like she is cattle. Still there.
Maybe he's still in the showers, a hand over her mouth. Maybe he'll never rip it off. Maybe it's always going to be there.
Maybe she just lost the best thing that ever happened to her. Maybe she found it all over again.
Marley wasn't sure how long she walked before she gave up, collapsed in the middle of a clearing surrounded by thick forestation and nothingness. Everything she inhaled was humid, water right into her mouth, her throat, her lungs. Everything she touched was the damp grass. Everything she felt was cold. Soaked.
But it made the drowning inside, outside too. It made the feeling physical. She fluttered her hazel eyes open, blinking up at the sky despite the falling drops landing on her pale cheeks.
She came in and out of alertness, feeling herself shivering one second, and then nothing the next. Hypothermia.
Shivering.
Slow breathing.
Weak pulse.
Drowsiness.
Confusion...
Marley blinked, rolling on her stomach taking all of her energy. She tried to squeeze at the grass but her fingers refused to work. The tremors were violent, her entire body soaking as the wind increased and the rain came down harder.
As it all came down harder.
With her cheek against the grass, with her limbs splayed haphazardly, her eyes on the horizontal trees, she accepted it would be the last thing she'd ever see. She accepted that she'd be gone. Or in whatever there is beyond. Before. After.
If those exist.
She watched through droopy lids as what she saw darkened slowly but surely, the blackness closing in. She wasn't even sure what parts of her existed anymore. Hands? Feet? Liver? Spleen? Heart?
Where did they go?
In the distance, she watched the glow of the moon, bright and unforgiving. She blinked as roaring attempted to push through her ears, watching the moon get bigger, and bigger and bigger. Shadows. Shapes.
Her eyes dropped shut. Her body slumped.
And she was at home. And she was in the shower rooms. And she was in the classroom. And she was with Aiden.
And she was all at once, until she was nothing at all.
-
Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.
Marley's first thought was that the alarm needed to be shut off. That it needed to shut up. Without opening her eyes, she shoved up the burning heat she was laying on, slamming her hand down until she found purchase on the wood of her nightstand.
Pound. Pound. Beep. Beep. Pound. Pound. Beep. Beep. Pound-
"Marley, Marley stop."
"Get it to shut up," she groaned to the voice tiredly.
Beep. Beep. Bee-
She slumped back down, her cheek on the radiating warmth, body sagging again.
"Marley-" the voice began.
"Schools not yet," she murmured, fingers grasping for the blanket around her torso and shoving it over her head, hugging it tightly.
"You're in the hospital, Marley."
It took a minute for the words to set in. For everything - absolutely everything - to come flooding back.
"Hello. This is an automated message from...Lakefield Detention Centre. You are receiving a call request from inmate number...356891...Bob Hoover. In accepting this call you agree to pay cellular charges on your next phone bill. If you would like to continue, press the star key to be connected momentarily."
"You know there's a lot that goes bump in the night around here."
"Just shut up! Okay! Shut up!"
"Back off! Back off! Back the fuck away from me!"
"No. No. No," she breathed, beginning to tremble and shake, "No. No. Wh-no."
She tried to move, to get up, to anything, but she was instantly being swallowed by the heat she had been laying on top of, held so tightly she couldn't move a single muscle.
"No," she breathed into...Aiden's chest.
Aiden.
"You don't know a damn thing. So leave me alone. Back off because I want you to leave me the hell alone."
"No." her eyes beginning to well up with tears, "no. No no. I-no"
He was here? He was holding her. He was laying beneath her. He was wrapped around her.
"You don't know a damn thing. So leave me alone. Back off because I want you to leave me the hell alone."
"No," she sobbed, feeling her hands again, gripping onto his shirt tightly, "No-I didn't..." she couldn't stop the tears now, falling down her cheeks like a waterfall, her awful, cruel words on repeat in her head.
"I-I-hate-oh my gods. Aiden. Oh gods," she cried, burying her nose into his toned chest, not wanting this to be fake.
Because he should be. Because he should've given up on her.
"Shhh," he soothed, his hand beginning to move circles over her back, his lips on her hair, "shhh. Don't cry. Shhh. Calm down. Deep breaths, Marley."
She only cried harder, because he was here and he was perfect and she was awful and wrong. And he followed her to Brown and protected her and loved her and she ruined it.
"Aiden," she sobbed, soaking his shirt as her tears multiplied, "I'm-im-so-so-"
"Shhh. Just calm down, spitfire. Okay? Calm down."
She was shaking and sobbing, trying to listen but it was one step foreword, two steps back. Because she couldn't calm down when she just lost everything.
"I'm sorry" she whispered, "I'm sorry. I hate mysel-"
"Marley." she felt the warmth leave from around her body, and just expected that was the last she would ever feel of it.
But it was back, this time beneath her thighs, burning as he scooted them upwards. She straddled his lap as he sat them up, quickly placing his hands on her cheeks.
And she saw him. She saw his beautiful blue eyes, his messy, dark brown hair. His stubble and his perfect, full lips. His sharp jawline. Aiden.
"Focus on me. Look in my eyes. Focus on me."
Focus on me.
And she was. She was focused on everything. His deep voice. On the heat of his body between her legs, his warm hands on her cheeks, every shade of blue in his stunning eyes as they bored into hers. Every rise and fall of his chest. Every cell of her felt every cell of his.
Focus on me.
"I'm sorry."
He brushed away the wetness beneath her eyes with his thumbs, smooth circular motions that made her entire body jello for him. His eyes were warm and loving.
Nothing else.
As if she hadn't said a single bad thing to him at all.
She released his shirt and, without looking away from his eyes, used two fingers of her right hand to pinch her left bicep. Once. Twice. Thr-
His eyes fell to the movement and widened in alarm, "Marley, don't. Please don't," he breathed, dropping his hands to grab her right wrist and pull it away from her bicep.
"It's not real," she murmured, head cocked sideways as she studied him carefully, "You're not real."
His soft lips tilted upwards, "I reassure you I'm very real."
Her hazel eyes narrowed as he circled her arms around his neck, "Solipsism. I can only be sure my own mind exists."
A genuine smile broke out, cute dimples and pure white teeth and everything that made her heart race, "I love you."
"You don't know a damn thing. So leave me alone. Back off because I want you to leave me the hell alone."
Her body sagged, and her eyes lowered, lower lip trembling, "I didn't-you shouldn't anymore."
"I can leave if you want."
Her eyes widened into saucers, her stomach dropping to the floor, "No!" She shouted, her fingers curling around his hair, trying to get as close to him as possible, "No I-I don't want you to!"
It took her a second to process the smile still on his face, "I'm kidding, Marley."
She was about to scold him for the emotional rollercoaster he threw her on, but that would make her the hypocrite of the eon.
So she just sighed and loosened her hands to twiddle her fingers in front of her, "Mild or moderate hypothermia?"
"You did have hypothermia. But I don't know what level."
"Mild is characterized by shivering, high blood pressure-" she was cut off by a warm finger pressing against her lips.
"Marley. Calm."
She nodded against his finger so he pulled it away, wrapping his arms loosely around her waist, "You know what happened, right? Besides the hypothermia."
She exhaled loudly, placing her hands on his chest, "Nervous breakdown."
His eyes bored into her own with fierceness, warm hands cupping her cheeks, "I promised to never leave you. I'm here. I'll always be here. You are not alone anymore. We fight together. We break together. We fall together. And we heal together, too."
She curled her arms up between them, her eyes burning as she rested her head on his chest, "I didn't mean any of it."
"I know."
"I was being cruel."
"You've been through a lot, Marley."
She inhaled sharply, "I learned a lot on our break."
He hummed, rubbing a hand up and down her back again, "Me too."
"No, I learned a lot. Stars, mostly. Because it's something Ian's into and I wanted to see what else I could learn. With eyesight alone, you can see about 2,000-2,500 stars at any one time, despite common idea that you can see many more than that. Did you know our sun was formed 4,600 million years ago and is expected to live a total of 10,000 million years? Or that the word 'planet' comes from a Greek word meaning 'wandering sta-"
"This is how you cope," Aiden interrupted calmly, resting his chin on her head, "This is how you've always coped. You've been so factual lately and I've been wondering why and this is why, isn't it? You're trying to cope."
Marley is too smart to be in denial about anything, but she could try.
"Our sky is divided into 88 different constellations. There are twenty one northern constellations I've been trying to memorize but I only know ten: Andromeda, Aquila, Auriga, Boötes, Cassiopeia, Cepheus, Corona Borealis, Cygnus-"
"Marley. Please. You're killing me. Please," he whispered, holding her tighter, kissing the top of her head, "Please stop."
Her breathing hitched and she closed her eyes, "I don't think I know how."
"I'm sorry about everything you went through. I'm sorry about all of it. This is a fucking school camp and you've been through so much more than you should have. Your father sent you over the edge. He called you for money, didn't he?"
Aiden's voice was tight from above her as she turned around. He adjusted as she did, his legs parting so she could sit between them with her back against his chest, his arms circling around her front. She wanted to take in her surroundings, ground herself as she spoke to him.
"He needs it," she said quietly, her eyes roaming the hospital room.
It was nearly a suite, with dark, leather couches in the front right corner, the walls painted a light blue, a door to an en-suite bathroom cracked open about sixty degrees. There was a long granite countertop against the wall directly across from them, a flatscreen tv mounted on the right side in front of the furniture. There were large, floor to ceiling windows on the wall to their left, showcasing the misty, small city outside of camp beautifully. The armchair beside the large bed they were laying on was a leather recliner, but the bed frame was the classic plastic, bed on wheels that is typical to every room.
But this is not every room. Marley felt the sick realization hit her hard.
"He doesn't need it," Aiden replied harshly, "The prison will provide him with necessities. I don't care if you hate me for it, but I will do everything in my power to make sure that-"
"This is a private room, Aiden. This isn't covered, especially not under my fathers crappy factory insurance. How are we here?"
He sighed, "Don't be mad."
"Ah," she choked out, grabbing his arms to try and escape his hold, but it was iron, "You paid for this. You bought me a..." she rubbed her eyes tiredly, "How much, Aiden? How much do I owe you?"
He tensed above her, and it was silent for a moment as he deliberated his answer, "You, you can't afford it, Marley. Not even close."
Right, he heard her speaking to her father.
He knows, even with all her money pooled together, that she only had one thousand dollars. And he's blowing more than that on an unnecessary room because he can. Because he felt like it.
Because he has all the money in the world. Enough to burn.
It made her feel a twinge of anger, a twinge of it's-not-fair. But she had already been so awful to him that she didn't want to anymore. He was born rich and that's outside of his control, it was just the cards he was dealt and maybe the trade off made his life as unfortunate as hers.
So she just slumped into his chest, "I'm paying you back."
"You need to put the money you make into college, spitfire. I know you don't want mine, even though I would offer to help you financially. So let me just give you this."
She exhaled loudly, "I would never let you give me money, you're right about that. When I have a stable career ten years from now, I'm paying you back for this room. I won't forget, you know."
Aiden's chest rumbled from behind her in silent laughter, kissing the top of her head, "Okay, and if you forget then that's a win for me."
"Don't count on it," she warned, "If I can write down the first two rows of the Standard Model Lagrangian off by heart, then I can remember you paid for my hospital room when I was seventeen."
"You're so nerdy. It's equally as adorable as it is sexy."
"The Standard Model Lagrangian is sexy in a way," she murmured thoughtfully, "It's the main equations that show the fundamental particles which make up our universe."
"Med school is going to be a piece of cake for you," Aiden teased, "I'm sure you already know what you need to. And speaking of," he trailed off for a moment, lowering so his lips were at her ear, exhaling warm breath and making her shiver.
"What-wh-"
"To add to your...infinite knowledge...I happen to be far above and beyond 5.57."
It took her a second and furrowed eyebrows before she understood exactly what he meant.
***