twenty four
"and yet again, i find myself alone"
Casia didn't intend on seeing Lusine before she departed, but having been asleep for too long already, she was up and about in the early morning.
She scrubbed her face clean of last night's make up with such vigour it was a wonder her skin wasn't red raw, but embarrassment couldn't be washed away with soap and water. Couldn't be forgotten in an instant or drained away, out of mind.
What had she been thinking when she'd stepped up to a goddess and taunted her with what she knew would cut deeper than any knife?
In the harsh reality of it, she hadn't been thinking. It wasn't her who'd been turning the steering wheel and thundering up through the gears that evening.
The phoenix was growing stronger with every day that passed and it was becoming harder and harder to control it. To keep the flames at bay. But they were surging faster than she could learn.
An eternal race she was doomed to lose.
And now Lusine was leaving for her dying father; Casia left to walk the dark path alone. A terrifying prospect to say the least. One she would batter and bruise with sarcasm and witty remarks, but never make a dent in to prevent the nights lying staring at the ceiling. Left to wonder whether this was a mountain she could ever hope to climb, or whether this was a losing battle to begin with.
How was she to ever match the raw, untamed power of a phoenix that delighted and thrived in her turmoil?
When the maid crept into her room, expecting her to still be sleeping, Casia hurried from the bathroom, still drying her face. The poor maid startled when she saw her coming towards her, but managed to force a plum smile.
"Good morning, Lady Casia," She greeted politely, holding the heavy bucket of cleaning tools with both hands.
"Morning," Casia replied shortly, without much care as guilt held her by the hand and kissed her softly, "do you know if Lusine has left yet? I think I should see her before she departs."
She wondered if the maid knew what had happened. Wondered if she feared the blazing wrath inside of her. No part of her wanted to care, but she did and her stomach churned at the idea of people she wasn't acquainted with fearing her.
If this was a glimpse into the world of Lusine Volkov, she never wanted to open her eyes again.
"I don't believe they've left yet," The maid said, putting the bucket down beside herself and clasping her dry hands together. "I can show you to where they're preparing to leave, if you'd like?"
"Yeah, that would be great." Casia nodded her head and smoothed down the skirt of her silky dress, wiping the sweat from her palms.
"Well, right this way," The maid said and gestured to the door, leading the way with soft steps.
As they made their way down the corridor, the woman introduced herself as Delilah, not that Casia had asked, but it was nice to be able to put a name to the face. To have one more familiar face in a sea of strangers.
"We should be quick," Delilah told her as they rounded a corner, "Princess Lusine was adamant she wanted to leave as soon as she could, but, and I don't mean to overstep when I say this, do not think it is your doing."
"You were there?" Casia asked, but there needn't be a question to confirm what she already knew. Almost everyone had to have seen her fist burst into flames as she contended with Lusine.
"Yes, many of the servants saw what happened and what is seen by servants is seen by all, I suppose," Delilah said with a shrug of her skinny shoulders from beneath the loose, white dress that hung off her bones.
"Well," Casia swallowed, "I was hoping hardly anyone saw, but I guess it was a bit of a spectacle to see fire from nowhere."
"Nothing worse than the wrath Lusine brought to our doors before your time," The maid said casually as if uncontrolled magic was a daily occurrence. "You're just lucky Loki is behind bars."
Casia pondered on it as they rounded another corner and Delilah came to a halt beside her.
"Here we are," She said. "I trust you can find your own way back?"
"Yeah, thanks," Casia muttered as she pushed herself to walk forwards towards where Lusine stood conversing lowly with Frigga, who clutched onto Lusine's fingers between both of her own soft and tender hands. With a gentle smile, Lusine replied just as quietly, folding her palm over Frigga's.
As if she sensed her presence, Lusine's head turned upon her approach and glanced her over once with those calculative blue eyes that could devour the world. When she looked back to Frigga, she muttered a few words, smiled and then the two women parted ways.
"Agent Radcliffe," Lusine greeted calmly and extended a handshake to her, "no hard feelings?"
Dumbfounded, Casia shook the hand and stared at the woman before her extending a hand of friendship to the same woman who had spat venom at her only last evening. Who had brought up the past because she knew the wound was barely healing.
"Not at all," Casia managed to reply finally. After expecting this exchange to go a different way entirely, this was a pleasant surprise and one that she hadn't even considered. She'd at least expected a snarl and an insult.
Lusine retracted her ringed hand and smiled simply behind red painted lips. "We all lose our heads sometimes. I should apologise for winding you up when we both know you have a power you do not yet understand. I should not have done that," Lusine said earnestly.
"Thank you," Casia responded, her words slow and misshapen on her sour tongue, "I'm sorry for the things I said to you."
"Are you referring to the part where you threatened me or the part where you brought Loki into it?" Lusine asked jestingly, one eyebrow raised. Casia's mouth gaped like a goldfish as she searched for the right words to say, but Lusine spoke again, "Either way, I do not hold it against you. We all say things we don't mean when we're losing control."
Lusine knew that better than anyone; she could not feel hate for the woman stood before her. Tail between her legs in shame and regret.
"How long do you think you'll be gone?" Casia asked, changing the subject as she shifted on her feet, scuffing the boot into the stone.
"It could be anything from a couple of days to a month," Lusine replied, winding her fingers together and glancing away, causing the jewelled tiara she had neglected for months to glint in the early morning sun breaching the palace windows.
"I don't say this to be insensitive or selfish, but please come back as soon as you can. I don't know how much longer I'll be able to stay in control without help if last night is anything to go by," Casia confided lowly, her mouth going dry and throat clenching.
It was undeniably true.
She could feel the firestorm brewing inside of herself and there was only so long that her mortal body could contain it. When her time was up, she would not survive. Casia Radcliffe would be no more and the phoenix inside of her would at last spread its wings once more and burn a city to the ground with fire and blood, talons ripping through necks and buildings alike.
But, for now, it paced its cage within the half-breed Asgardian and counted down the days until it could rain fire upon its enemies.
Lusine placed a steady hand on her shoulder and consoled, "I will return as soon as I can, believe me when I say that I will try. I know what turmoil consumes you and I would never leave you to walk that line alone. My advice to you to help... combat the power building is to train hard with Lady Kyrie and Lady Sif to exhaust as much energy as you can. If you're exhausted, the power will not thrive."
"Thank you," Casia said, a grim expression lining the curves of her face, "I'll try that."
"You better or there won't be an Asgard for me to return to," Luisne joked, dropping her hand from her shoulder. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I must be on my way."
"I guess I'll see you soon then," Casia said.
Lusine replied by flashing a smirk at her ruby mouth over her shoulder as she disappeared up the ramp into the ship.
-
-
The next few days were filled with a lot of the same thing. Casia must've spent most of her waking hours focusing on expending her energy, with the help of Kyrie and occasionally Lady Sif.
The days Lady Sif offered her help were only the days where she wasn't busy fighting a battle alongside Thor and The Warrior Three or when Kyrie was too busy to do it instead.
Most of it was mindless activities to build strength, but also to wear her down, and Casia was growing tired of it. This was not training, this was time wasting.
By the fourth day, Casia was full to the brim of push-ups, pull-ups and sprints.
"I appreciate the help, I really do, but when're we gonna move onto something more... interesting?" Casia grumbled as she pushed her body away from the ground while Lady Sif watched, seemingly unimpressed by whatever display she thought Casia was putting on.
"When you're ready," Sif replied, crossing her arms stoically.
"I am ready," Casia shot back, glancing up at her, but was quickly reprimanded to keep her head down by the clinical tone of the warrior woman stood over her, stone faced. "Whatever, I didn't come here to bulk up. I came here so Lusine could teach me how to control my magic so I don't demolish a city in one snap."
"Well," Sif said, "she isn't here so maybe you should start trying on your own. Only she knows when she'll be coming back, if she even does."
"What's that supposed to mean?" She asked, face folding into thunder as she looked up again. This time, Sif wasn't even looking in her direction to reprimand the act. "She's not gonna die. It's Lusine, she cant."
"Remulan is a hostile moon," She explained coldly as if it pained her to even be talking to Casia, "it is no place for someone like you."
Casia sat back with a scowl and grumbled, "What do you mean someone like me?" With a face like thunder, she would bring the storm hounding in.
Sif's hand subtly dropped to her blade. This was a woman without control and she needed to learn to be more careful with her choice of words. One sentence taken out of context could send her blazing into a human torch.
"I just mean that you would not suit the harsh environment. The people there... they are not kind of heart and they would see you as an easy target for their games," She replied, hoping that answer was satisfactory.
Casia hummed in response, levelling herself to the ground to begin her push-ups once again. With every extension of her arms, she could sense her mind drifting away and made no effort to stop it.
Why would she? This was mindless exercise. Children did this and it did nothing to exhaust her mind like it did her body, like she wished it would.
Still the phoenix circled above, diving down to pluck hairs from her head to build its nest between ribs and flesh. Smoke out the control and the drive for good. Harvest the smoky crops and feed the young. Fill their minds with agony and wrath. Make them believe they deserve the universe to bow to them, to kiss their toes as they click their beaks into the erupting sun.
"Do you think this will save you?" The Phoenix crooned as it landed on her shoulder, its heat unbearable and yet, when she tried to hit it from her, it dug its talons in tight to scrape against bone. "Do you think these stupid attempts to keep me back will save you from the fire that will consume all?"
Its beak snapped at her earlobe as she squirmed beneath its weight, gasping for breath against the heat that bombarded, curled her skin with its grin.
"You won't win." It clicked its beak; sounded as if it smiled. "You will never stand a chance against the fires of the sun, little one."
Casia grit her teeth and squeezed her eyes shut as she pushed herself off the ground again, sweat beaded at the brow. Its words packed a punch, broke through every defence she mounted.
She'd played mind games before. Worked a masterpiece out of dirt. Yet, this was other worldly and it simmered in her with constant reminder, clicking its remarks straight into her ear and forcing doubts down her throat like medicine to the dying child.
Each day, that cooing voice chipped away another layer of her resilience. One sheet of ice at a time, melting it away to a pool at her feet, leaking between her toes. A talon to the bone, shredding skin and flesh, ripping the soul out with a single swipe.
"The sun will consume you, girl, it will consume them all."
-
2313 words
18.6.18
i finally finished exams so that should mean more updates, right?