12-26-17
I wrote this before I wrote 'Kislap'.
Late because I wasn't really sure how I wanted to end it. Still, Happy Holidays! Make the most out of it!!!!!💙💙💙
Genuinely asking for future one shot ideas. I'm seriously so aloof my drafts are piling and I'm finishing none of them! Help! 😂
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Kathryn hummed lightly as her nails tapped on the plastic table. With one hand on her chin, and the other rhythmically syncing with the loud music booming from the café's speakers, it was easy to forget just why she was there.
"I just want you for my own..." She sang lowly, eyes completely taken by the number of families around her; all smiles, no worries, and no traces of mishaps.
But that was the Christmas spirit, right? In the Philippines, it was an unwritten rule that everyone latched on to — no one was supposed to be disheartened on such a blissful season. No one was bound to feel any form of remorse amidst the loving and laughter.
When she fled for Canada without an intention to look back, that rule evidently withered.
For the past three years, she spent Christmas alone. Huddled in the thickest jumper she could find at the thrift store. Sipping hot chocolate while her pair of orbs painted the same color watched the fire eat the wood away.
Around her, not a trace of celebration. Only the piling buckets of glimmering snow showed evidence of the season.
"Merry Christmas." People would greet as they went past her at the grocery store, and not intending to be rude, her lips learned to murmur the words with as much cheer as she can.
But that was the end of it.
Going back here only made her see what she missed.
The carols, the gifts, the commemoration, the happiness.
It's been years since she felt her heart flutter. It's been years since she had her eyes brimming with tears; with all the reasons pointing to pure joy.
"Kathryn...." Those familiar, pink lips shivered.
She was home.
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Gulp.
Then another.
The quaking form struggled to shuffle into the unoccupied seat before her. Just as he had a hard time bringing the tall cup of mocha frappucino to her table.
The soft, white cream littering the once clean plastic cup cover said it all.
After his imminent trouble, there he sat.
Staring.
It must've been a good ten minutes. He studied her face, judged her choice of clothing, ravelled along her stature in the most adoring way. His stare was not of desire, at least not the one that leads to ruins.
The fluffy whipped cream has deflated by the time she reached out for a taste.
It seems that he figured it was the best time to speak.
As she was distracted.
But not even a train wreck could distract her.
Not now.
"You're here...."
Even just for a short while.
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Daniel blinked for about a thousand times the past ten minutes. It was of disbelief, of course.
'Did she notice?'
Well it was the least of his worries at the moment.
She was here!
For a second, he wasn't able to distinguish her feats.
The Kathryn in front of him was a completely different person. Her once long, brown hair was now streaked red, and sported short. Pale pink lips were daubed a cherry red, so was both cheeks. Hazelnut orbs replaced dark brown ones, yet her stare was as heavy as before.
His heart just recognized her. It had to. Even through the slightest discrepancies.
After she made a successful endeavor of wiggling herself into his heart just with her sparkling eyes and puckered lips, he just knew when she was there. Paradoxically, a meter away.
His heart would pick up it's pace. Sort of like SVT. Just none of the serious predicaments.
There goes another ten minutes.
"Fudge.." He curses mentally, "How could she make sipping frappucinos seem serene?"
He had the answer.
She was every bit, a God sent, piece of heaven. To him. For him.
"I figured that I should drop by before I left for Canada, again. My flight's in a week."
"Thank you." Three long years.
He wasn't sure where he hid his whims of love and pining. His covetous words were lost in the sea of confusion, whipping his shores of common sense useless.
"... And if I'm being completely honest with myself, I'd say I miss you." She chuckles, as if what came out of her mouth was not capable of putting a stop to his breathing.
Again, she was wrong. "I miss you, too."
"So you'd willingly spend a day with me?"
OF FUCKING COURSE.
Daniel felt the rush jolting up. The offer was something he did not expect, but he was secretly wishing for.
So much so that his mental list of curse word substitute — which he needed to enlist in order to be a 'good' role model to his little nieces and nephews — were to no avail as of right now.
"Think of it as our first date. The long, overdue date that I owed you."
A minute after that, he found himself bidding his mother goodbye.
And as she mentioned, it was his well deserved break.
Both her and God knew how much his life hanged up on the café after Kathryn's departure.
It was where they first met.
But it was also where she broke his heart, for 55 times.
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"Don't you find your clothes too.... Constricting?"
The clothes she wore were certainly fashionable — faux fur being a big part of her coat and boots — but the temperature, as though numbingly cold, did not demand such a frivolous attire.
A warm smile spread along her lips, brightening her face even more so. "No. I'm very comfortable, thank you very much."
For the longest time, Daniel caught himself staring at her. Again. He wasn't counting, but an hour of today was surely spent leisurely with just his gaze not leaving her. Even as they skipped their way to the park they've grown up with.
The more the hours passed, the more he craved for her.
'So it was actually possible.'
It was possible to still feel the hole in his heart when she left, even though she's right next to him.
It was actually possible to still feel the caving ache inside that she left, even when she was there, generously returning his hankering eyes.
It was still possible to want her after all these lonely years — to still seek for her love as he wanted to as a young boy. As a lovesick teenager. And now, even as a fully grown man.
Daniel was six years of age when he found himself crushing on her silly. She was five then, and was already a goddess in flesh with her captivating beauty and her cherub cheeks.
Back then, he'd steal small, light kisses from her when she lay asleep; only on her plump cheeks, as he'd fear of being caught.
Kathryn was ultimately a heavy sleeper, as reprimanded by her mother, it was one of the traits the girl inherited from her father. Both of them would supposedly sleep as soon as their heads comfortably lean onto something. He was only lucky that his shoulder was one of the places she found most comfortable.
"Right after my pillow!" Kathryn billows, smiling toothily, yet her two front teeth were no where to be found.
He loved her since then.
As a child, she knew what she wanted to be. She stuck with it. Kathryn was a woman of dreams and talent.
Leave her with the hardest of mathematical problems, you can come back two minutes later and expect a correct answer and a detailed explanation.
Ask her to study the class' laboratory experiment to be done weeks from then, she'd do it herself at home, papers written and documented.
Challenge someone to act out an excerpt from the oldest of books on the spot, and she'd give it her all.
It was hard not to love someone like her. But it was harder to love her secretly, while trying to pry off any attention.
They entered teenage years. He remained imperturbable in showing that he was immune to her beauty, so as to appear to be a trouble.
Boys came one after another, swooning at her and dropping down their knees in order to have a chance with her.
They had better chances than he did.
Faith seemed to be with him then. She was so taken with her future that she did not take a second look at any man.
He might not have her, but at least no one else did.
Still, this was not their first romantic date.
In spite the fact that she considered his constant invites to the movies or art galleries as platonic dates, they were all dates with his beloved. At least in his view point.
And as he continued on, eyes trained on her, he knew how he'd lose himself abashedly after this.
Daniel said yes to his own doom.
"How are you?" Her eyes sparkled. "I'm doing good. I still put up hours in the café since my father's death, he left a huge space to fill in."
Thoughtfully, he saw her pace slowing, and he had to slow down, too. "And you?"
"I've published 2 sci-fi books. I'm currently writing the third."
His heart swelled with pride.
It was amazing to see how much she's grown since then.
Suddenly, it didn't matter if she never said goodbye.
What mattered was now. She was here, telling him of her triumphs and her listening to his.
"That's amazing." One side of his mouth lifted. "It's what you've always wanted, eh?"
Happily, she hummed her answer. Silence swarmed their surroundings.
"Why didn't you say Goodbye?"
The air felt suffocating all of a sudden.
He didn't know where he got the courage to ask. He just wanted to know why.
After all these years, that was what bothered him the most.
Not her choice to hold back.
Not her choice of hiding.
It was her choosing to leave without another word.
Like doing so won't crush his heart. As if she did not voluntarily step on his heart for the last time.
Or was it the last?
From her stare, he was sure that this one, would be the one to leave a dent larger than the past ones did.
"I.... I wanted to...." She started out. "But I had a hard time accepting that... That day was the end."
It wasn't.
It wasn't the end.
Yet, that day signified a beginning of an era.
An era to which he found, the most hurtful.
It was the era of his death.
His heart's death.
"I'm selfish... I wanted to make a mark... I wanted you to still be reminded of me... I wanted..."
"You were successful." He admits, wistfully turning away. "It baffled me how easy it was for you to leave me, when it was the day after you finally said yes. You were the most selfless person I've met, I thought you'd at least give me more time... I wanted to reach out..." His eyes found themselves rolling back to her. "But the way you left... I figured you wouldn't want me to."
Then, he heard her sniffle.
"I've never wanted anything as much as I wanted you...." Her voice was a soft whisper, caressing his heart with her choice of words. "In truth, I've always seen you as my other half. I tried to seek the connection with someone else, but they're just not there. Because they're not you."
"I stopped trying. I just accepted that no matter how hard I try to shrug of your advances, I've always loved you more than I wanted to. And you know that I never wanted any of that."
"Love could destroy me."
It could destroy all of us.
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"Wow, it's still in tip top shape." Kathryn comments as her eyes observed the 50 year old house. "It underwent a lot of renovations, but we kept the physical aspect of it intact."
"So, where are you taking me tonight?" She teases, causing a spring of red to mar his cheeks and his hidden ears. "The same old diner."
She chuckles. "You're really striding along the memory lane, huh?"
Yes, he was.
Daniel wanted to remember her without any of the pain. Without any of the rejections.
He wanted to go back to where they started — to when things were simple and uncomplicated.
And all he could see was her agreeing to it.
She wanted this as much as he did.
"For now, go and take your nap."
With a smile, Kathryn approached the long line of stairs, before looking back at him.
"Thank you, DJ. I'm really sorry for everything."
His heart raced.
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She was gone.
For the fifty-sixth time, she stood him up.
And this time, he was so sure that she was gone for good.
In fact, there was not a trace of her in the house.
Neither was there any from the places they went to for their 'first date'.
Again, there was no bigger fool than himself.
Why would she run away, hours after proclaiming her love?
Was she playing him? For what?
Did she find gratification in knowing how hooked he still is, years after she rejected him, again and again?
It hurt.
It always hurt to love her.
He knew she was trouble. From the moment he wiped her tears away and admired how pretty her long eyelashes looked against her cheeks, she was destined to break his heart.
And he let himself immerse into her trap.
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"How would you like your coffee ma'am?" He asks, bothered.
This day was quite different. He felt different.
There was a glaring ache in his heart from the moment he woke up.
It was only last week when his heart has been bulldozed by her. Was his heart becoming more and more wary to her existence that it's beginning to warn him of her?
Was she coming back?
He shrugged it off. Why would she?
Daniel lists down the last of the orders, planning to leave early. Things weren't sitting with him well.
"Oh dear. We'll... Oh... I can't.."
His eyebrows furrowed at the sight of his frazzled mother.
"But.. DJ... I don't know how to tell him..." He chose to clear his throat, causing her to whip, facing him.
He swore, she couldn't get anymore paler than she already is. It must be really bad.
"DJ..."
"About what, ma?"
Her eyes mirrored fear, sadness and desperation.
Minutes later, it was what he felt, too.
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"She was there." He huffs under his breath, eyes tired and flooded. "I swear... She was there."
"She never made it on land, son." Her father sadly announces, as the truth was something he refused to accept.
Kathryn wasn't dead.
That was the thing he kept on chanting over and over in his head.
The call his mom received was from her family, informing them of her passing.
They claimed that the plane she was on as she journeyed back to the country did not make a landing to where it was supposed to.
It was luck that they'd found her five days after the crash, while most other families weren't as lucky.
A lifeless body of the love of his life returning instead of her beautiful smiles wasn't luck, for him, and for her family who were absolutely devastated.
"But she..." He remembered how beautiful she looked just a week ago. How warm she felt. How dizzying her scent proved to be, while she was a few inches away from him.
But she also felt unreal.
The Kathryn he was with the week prior was quite different from the Kathryn he's known to love.
Daniel assumed it was because of the time and distance... But it was actually because she wasn't really there. At all.
"She wore a maroon jacket filtered with fake fur and a beige dress underneath. Her boots were black and furred, too." He mentions, making both her mom and sister's eyes widen.
"That was what she was wearing when she contacted us hours before her flight."
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