THE FEELING OF LEAVING HOGWARTS although done every year always felt as if you're not going home, but rather, as if you're leaving home.
It was the last morning for the school year of 1976 to 1977. And Freya thought it was rather ironic that she woke up the earliest that day rather than the past days when she should have for classes. Everyone in their dorm were still asleep, huge luggage next to their beds as everyone were required to leave by lunch.
The sky was still quite dark, only a small tint of orange could be seen. But Freya couldn't close her eyes anymore. So, she decided to get ready for the day. It wasn't that she was excited to go home — though the idea of being free from foot long essays were comforting. She was actually just very relived that she would be far from all the drama. Truthfully, she felt as if it had worn her out more than her actual studies.
She didn't think of ending her sixth year that way. But she was glad it was ending, to say the least. Now she had two months free before she goes into seventh year — NEWT's year. And she wasn't really excited for that.
Freya descended to the common room where she had assumed she would be alone. But imagine her surprise when she sees her brother sitting on the floor with a cup of cocoa while reading.
"Froyce?" she asked as she approached him. "How come you're up so early?"
"I didn't get up, I never slept," he said casually, his eyes still focused on his book. He took a sip from his cup before continuing, "Mom sent us her letters last night. But you were already asleep so I took yours."
Froyce took out a sealed enveloped that was pressed between the pages of his book and then handed it to Freya. The lass took it and then teared it apart as she sat down next to her brother. She read with her eyes.
Dear Freya,
It's your father's turn with you two for school break. It also means he'll buy your supplies for the next school year so be sure to get everything you need. I'll send both you and Froyce reminders in case you forget.
I haven't told your father about James in case you wanted to be the one to tell him you have a boyfriend. Speaking of James, tell him my hello's.
Look out for your brother. Be a good older sister, Freya. And be sure to be good, okay? Owl me as much as possible. I love you, honey.
Mom
"You need to tell mom you aren't dating anymore," Froyce sensed she was done reading. She wondered how he did but maybe it was a sibling thing. Froyce finally removed his eyes from his book then looked at her, "Or you could just tell you weren’t even dating in the first place."
Freya rolled her eyes and blew a raspberry. She started folding the letter again for keeping. "And what? Be scolded for being unladylike? Yeah, no thanks."
"Then you would suffer her pestering you why you broke up. Chances are, she might pester James herself." said Froyce, smirking. "If that's going to be the case, you're going to have to talk to James and tell him ahead on what to say so your stories would match."
Freya looked incredulously at him. "You mean make a deal with him? For Godric's sake, I am in my state right now for the very reason of dealing with him."
Freya wanted to smack the smirk off of Froyce's face. "Don't look at me. I told you what not to do."
"Whatever," Freya rolled her eyes. "And I can take mom. She doesn't have to know now. We aren't going to see her until Christmas next year."
"You mean you aren't gonna see her until Christmas. I'm not going to see her until next vacation," Froyce corrected. "Remember their next year arrangement? One of us to each of them per break."
Freya groaned, "Right. I bloody hate it."
"Bloody hate what?"
Both heads turned around and there they saw James Potter.
He was dressed up in simple jeans and a shirt and brown boots. His hair was slightly damp, making it wavy, rather than completely curly. And he was smiling sheepishly. James Potter was adorable. All these things just almost made Freya drool a pool. She hated his effect on her.
Froyce pressed both of his lips together then closed his book loudly to break the silence — because clearly, nobody was speaking. "Well, I think I'll take a shower and make sure my things are all settled."
He stood up and gathered his things. And before he walked away, he made sure to ruffle Freya's hair — just to annoy her, "You know what not to do."
Freya pushed him away — and since she was still sitting, she had pushed Froyce's legs — making the boy laugh. He greeted, "James," with a nod as he passed by the bespectacled boy before descending to his dorm and completely leaving the two.
The two trailed Froyce until he completely disappeared, leaving the both of them alone to suffer in the awkwardness. But it seemed like James wasn't going to have it. "So," he pursed his lips and Freya turned to him. He smiled lightly and said, "What did you bloody hate?"
"You mean besides you?" Freya said under her breath. Half of her wanted him to hear it but another half didn't want to. The latter had won.
"I'm sorry, what?"
Freya smiled and abruptly shook her head, "Oh, nothing. It's just about our parents arrangement on whose getting who which break. It drives me insane."
"I'm sorry to hear that," James said more on the formal side though Freya could sense the little amount of genuine concern dripping from the words. There was a pause, before he spoke again, "So, where will you be staying this break?"
"Dad's with Froyce," said Freya, smiling lightly.
"Ah, you'll be in the wizarding world still then," said James and Freya nodded in affirmation. James nodded back, "Good to hear."
Then silence roamed them once more. It was quite a stupid scene. James was standing awkwardly, hands in his pockets while slightly rocking back and forth to ease himself up. While, Freya was sat on the floor, legs crossed and was looking everywhere but at the beautiful specimen in front of her.
"I must say, I'm surprised," Freya decided to make conversation. As James tiled his head, she smirked. "The James Potter I know doesn't get up until noon when there are no classes."
James looked elated that Freya opened a topic. He practically suddenly radiated. He grinned and answered, "I didn't sleep a wink."
Freya rolled her eyes, "What is it with you and Froyce? It's like you're allergic to waking up early." When James looked at her questioningly, she elaborated, "Froyce also didn't sleep."
"Ah," he nodded in affirmation. "How about you, then?" Freya's eyes almost went out her sockets when James sat down next to her. He crossed his legs and lazily dangled his arms on his knees before he continued speaking, "Why are you up so early?"
Freya had always been so used to James close to her that she didn't like that she felt like she was suffocating now that he was back in close proximity from her again. It's been a while since James had even been within arm's length from her. It makes her want to restrain her hands because she might have jumped at him right there and then.
His details were more vivid with him sitting inches from her. His dark eyes beneath his long eyelashes that Freya felt illegal for a boy to have. The dark circles under his eyes from all that staying up late with the Marauders. His sharp jawline that Freya just wanted to use to cut the tension. His hair that Freya just wanted to run her hands through just one more time. And those lips. The lips she had kissed a thousand times was within reaching but she knew she couldn't.
"I'm always up early," she answered, matter-of-fact. How she kept her voice steady through her unsteady thoughts, she would never know.
"Touchè," James said with a smirk that made Freya chuckle lightly.
Then there was silence.
She wanted to ask James what he was doing there. But the common room was a general space and any Gryffindor were legal to be there. The right question was to ask why he was talking to her. Yet, Freya didn't think she wanted to know why. She just wanted it to be over.
Because, in the name of Godric Gryffindor, she just wants to be over James Potter.
And get over him she must do. She cleared her throat and fiddled with her socks — she only noticed she was wearing bunny socks, Godric why — and asked, "So, how are things with Lily?"
James demeanour immediately changed. And Freya feared that dark James would come out again. She had seen it enough times to declare that she doesn't appreciate that side of him. But he only shrugged and said, "We haven't talked yet."
Freya wanted to scream from both joy yet anger. "What?" She slapped his arm making the boy yelp. "I went through all that shit and you still haven't asked her out?"
"Okay, first, ouch," said James, making Freya roll her eyes. "Second, we had just admitted our feelings a week ago. And you and me only 'broke up' a week ago. It's going to be all too fast."
"So?" Freya exclaimed.
"So, I don't want to rush things," said James, making hand gestures. Freya only rolled her eyes. "It happens when it happens."
Though deep inside, she was quite happy nothing had been happening with James and Lily yet. She felt bad for feeling, so all the same.
There was a pause after. Again, the dreaded silence. Freya kind of missed the days when talking to James Potter was as fluid as the water in the Black Lake.
James cleared his throat, breaking Freya off of her thoughts and making her focus on him. She wanted to swoon on how awkward and cute he was being. She just wanted to throw him to the Black Lake so she wouldn’t feel like such again. She felt as if it was illegal. "So, how about you and Sirius?"
Again, Freya rolled her eyes. "Why do you keep asking that? Honestly, do you have memory loss?"
"What are you talking about?"
"Hell, I ain't saying it out loud, Potter," Freya said sassily.
"I'm completely loss," said James. "Say what out?"
That I'm in love with you, sweet Salazar, I've said it the same night you told me you would only ever love Lily. "That me and Sirius aren't going into a relationship anymore. We don't feel for each other that way, I've told you the night we broke up, James."
"Ooooh," said James, his tone as if he finally recalled what Freya Frey's as talking about. "That's bullshit though. How can you just stop feeling for someone?"
"You tell me," Freya murmured, suddenly looking away from James and fiddling with her socks again. Those bunny prints were quite a good distraction. Tell me how to stop feeling for you.
It seemed like James heard and that retched silence fell between them again. He probably only then remembered that the girl in front of him had confessed her love for him weeks ago. But Freya wouldn't be surprised. Besides the fact that James always gets confused with things, she really doesn't think he'll care enough to remember.
"Speaking of break up, I," James cleared his throat and sat a little properly before continuing, "I've been meaning to say sorry to you."
Freya had expected him to say a lot of other things besides that. Not the she didn't think James Potter was capable of saying sorry but because she didn't think he had anything to be sorry for. Honestly, she blamed herself for everything. "I've been wanting to these past days but I always never find you alone. And now it's the last day and here you are, and I —" James bit his lip. Freya wanted to scream at him for doing so. "I'm just really sorry."
James took a breath before continuing, "I'm sorry I even started this whole barbaric deal. You don't deserve the backlash and the drama you're getting out of all of this."
Freya could take the backlash. Freya could take the drama. (Though, she admits, it can be quite much sometimes.) What she couldn't take were the unanswered questions. What she couldn't take was him not loving her back.
But James weren't giving any answers. And he was most certainly not professing any love for her. Freya didn't want to victim blame herself but she felt as if it was too much to ask. And again, Freya has accepted that she wasn't a victim. Even if she was, she was the most willing one.
So, she ended up looking up at him and smiling and saying, "It's alright. I'm fine."
James was still skeptical but nevertheless, Freya's words eased him up a bit. He took a breath and smiled, "So, we're good?"
Freya wanted to punch him and tell him how in the world did he think they would be okay after all of it. But like the idiot that she was, she, again, only nodded and said, "Yeah." She even smiled. Freya felt she deserved an award for being the most pulsive-impulsive person ever.
She took a breath and then stood up, pocketing her mom's letter as she did so. James followed on suit, dusting his jeans as he did so. He was so tall Freya wanted to lunge at him. Yet, she only stood in front of the boy she loved with a smile and said, "Well, I'm going to go ahead and double check my things."
"Yeah, knowing you, you would probably forget something."
Freya chuckled and James followed in, creating a melody of their laughter that Freya missed hearing together. And as that laughter died down, both just stood staring at each other.
Freya could've sworn James was leaning in. But she turned around to leave fast that she wasn't able to confirm whether he was trying to kiss her or if it was just in her head.
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This was originally going to be the last
chapter of this Act but I couldn't help
myself so I wrote another one. (Which
explains why I'm updating late but
also because I'm double updating, lol.)
Dedicated to adiase
and RazerLickAngel27. 💕