05-02-2017
If you only live for me the way I live for you...
BAWI BAWI DIN PAG MAY TIME.
VAVAVOOM! Sino na nakapanood ng chfil? Huhuhu samahan niyo ko plith 😂😥🙁😣
Super late post Daniel's birthday update. HAHAHAAHAHAHA eme lang.
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"Can we talk?" Kathryn stops in her tracks as a shiver ran down her spine, all caused by that distinct voice she used to love.
That declaration alone made an impression. She felt her heart constricting inside her chest, and it was an awfully familiar feeling.
It sucks to know how hopelessly in love she still was to the owner of that stupidly enticing voice.
Disappointment washed over her. Maybe she should've just walked away and leave him - in a similar fashion he strutted seven years ago.
Has it really been seven years already?
The scars felt too fresh and raw, as if he had stabbed her heart minutes ago, when he took hold of her hand and asked her a question she was not willing to shrug off.
"Okay." She nods and faces him.
Another thing she disliked about herself is that she could never make up excuses.
Maybe she needed this.
"Magui already sent me the details she'd like. I am currently trying to gain contact of the well renowned designer I used to work with, it seemed that he ----"
"Let's talk about us."
Kathryn, startled, narrowed her eyes at him. "Us?"
"We left off on a bad note," Daniel reasoned out, "Naunahan tayo ng emo--"
"Our split was mutual. Anong sinasabi mong bad note?" She was threateningly close to tears.
"I'm here to work as your little sister's wedding planner, not to look back at memories I do not want to remember." A flash of pain filtered across his eyes.
Guilt filled her to the brim. "I'm sorry, pero iyon ang totoo. It's been four years, Daniel... I've changed," a lot, "And I know you did so, too."
"I just wanted to say sorry." He said in the smallest voice he could muster.
"There's nothing to forgive," She paused momentarily, shifting her gaze elsewhere. "I've forgiven you. Matagal na. Mahirap makausad ng may galit sa puso."
It was herself who she cannot forgive.
"Fight for me," Daniel, in a drunken state, was down on both knees as he whimpered. "Stop me from ruining my life any further."
Her chest felt full. She was trying her hardest not to spill any tears in front of him, knowing that he won't be able to let go of her if he saw her hurting also.
But his pain was her pain. Every tear from his eye was a hard slap across her face. Every cry from his mouth was a knife stabbing her sore. Every motion he did to gain a more favorable distance was as if anesthesia, rendering her senseless.
She shared every pain. She shared the agony and the fear.
And it was unfair. It should've felt unfair on her part, but it didn't.
As ridiculous as it sounds, she wanted all the pain transferred to her. She was used to it. Daniel, on the other hand, was not.
"Maybe you should've thought of that," Say it.... "Before you went ahead and slept with that girl."
The man she loved bowed his head and sighs. "I'm sorry, but I do not mix my personal life with my work. Pumayag akong makipagusap sayo dahil akala ko, the matters you'd discuss with me is involving the wedding. So if you must...."
"I'm here to discuss Troy's extra whims for the program."
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"Call me Kathryn, Kathryn Bernardo." She smiles at the man in front of her. "So you're Troy."
"Yes, ma'am." He grins playfully. "I've heard so much of you from Magui."
She's seen photos of him before, but personally? Photos admittedly put his looks to shame. Heck, she could already imagine how good looking the pair's offsprings would be - given that Magui was a beauty on her own. No wonder Daniel was caught up fencing around her.
So men of his own won't stand a chance.
"I would've loved to hear more about you from her also - but I was atrociously busy to even chat with her." Half lie. She just didn't want to hear anything about her ex. "Masaya sigurong makita si Magui na in love."
"Well, I'm very grateful for your time. This means a lot to us. I mean, I'm planning to renew vows every now and then, pero iba pa rin syempre. Ito ang magiging hudyat ng pagsisimula ng buhay naming magkasama, e."
A pang strikes straight to her heart. This young man's words were making her reminiscent.
"I'm glad to see that she's in good hands." Troy once again grinned. "That means a lot. Magui also wanted me to get your approval."
"Really?" It was a soft whisper, barely audible. "Yes. You're her big sister, right?"
She only had the energy for a nod. "She still thinks of me as her big sister?" It wasn't meant to be asked out loud.
Because Daniel was there.
All through out the conversation, he did not utter even a single word. It might be because of Kathryn's eyes. They were still frightfully expressive.
"She does. I think you deserve that." From his words, she assumed that he knew everything. "I can't wait to see her again. Masyado nang matagal ng huli."
"I'm sure she can't wait too."
Daniel watched her closely. It was appalling how easy she worked around people - with no reservations.
Was it because Troy was a part of Magui's life? Or has she finally shrugged the shyness off her system?
Either way, she was at ease with him. And for an unknown reason, it seemed obscure to him.
"You already ironed almost everything.... Wow." Troy looked surprised.
"I hope Magui's taste didn't change as much - I've based every detail from what she messaged me and she entrusted me with some. Pumili nalang ako ng alam kong magugustuhan niya, she's not hard to please. Saka trusted niya daw yung taste ko." Kathryn replied with equal enthusiasm.
"I bet your skills would settle even a one day prep." He watched as she threw her head back, laughing.
"If the fee is high, bakit hindi, diba?" Darn it. She looks so gorgeous.
Like she was meant to mess up with his mind.
Not that it bothers him. It's been at most 5 years, and she's still the only one to ever do so.
"About my extra number, does it still fit within the program?"
Once again, she gives out a mind fucking smile. "Ay oo, marami namang time lapses na kailangan ng fill."
"Hopefully, pwede kayo bukas? I appointed the food tasting, 1 pm."
"Oh, I have a meeting with a client until 2 pm. But Mags is free. Susunod nalang ako sa inyo. Pasend nalang po ng address."
Her delicate hands flipped the pages of her planner. "Ieemail ko na rin yung schedules na nakuha ko, so I could resched stuff if it clashes with your plans."
"Oh no, we agreed that we'd be the one to adjust. That'll ease some of your load."
"I'm free anytime." Daniel suddenly spoke, almost startling her.
The difference of his and Troy's voice was quite distinct. Or maybe it was Daniel's tone - it was rough and almost melancholic.
"No work?" No wife and child? Kathryn can only slap herself mentally.
"I'm devoting myself to my little sister's wedding....." Since I probably won't even have my own. He reprimanded to himself.
Cruel.
"I won't accept any other girl as my sister-in-law, ate Kath!" 16 year old Magui swore to herself. It was also a reminder for her kuya.
Little did she know, he also wasn't up for the idea of waiting at the altar if it was not Kathryn he's waiting for.
"I'm the best man, after all." Just like that, he was dismissed.
They awkwardly mumbled their farewells.
Kathryn's was as if she actually wished to shoo him away permanently.
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'Ate, I'm really sorry but I still have an appointment til 2 pm.'
'Oh, and Kuya DJ's on his way.'
The texts ruined her whole day.
Was it fate playing with her? She could barely move after seeing his car.
Stars, his car. It was too flashy!
"Magui texted me." Kathryn made sure that disappointment resonated all over her tone. If he picked up, she did not know.
With a swift move, he removes the dark sunglasses hiding his beautiful eyes.... Wait.
Feigning disgust, it was hard not to react accordingly after he threw her a look she knew far too well.
'Twas the way he used to look at her - the one which made her friends lose sanity and speak dramatically of how deeply he felt for her.
As stupid as it sounds, she held his stare. Not even caring if he saw her sadness flooding. If he saw her in despair.
Soon enough, he was the first to look away.
"Kathryn!" A man came and hugged her, even kissing both her cheeks. "Oh my dear, I've missed you sorely!"
A sheepish grin drew across her lips. "It's been a month, Leandro."
Their happy ambiance was suddenly filled with intimidation. After Daniel decided to make a point and clear his throat for the world to hear.
"Oh honey! You did not tell me that you were the one getting married!" It took her a couple seconds to comprehend what he was saying. "Finally! You got tired of just tasting and tasting--" His French roots came out.
That only occurred if he was experiencing heavy emotions.
"I'm not getting married. Nor do I think I will ever be-" She heard a huff from the back, "This is Daniel, a friend. His sister is getting married."
"I know a jealous boyfriend when I see one. But fine, suit yourself." Not a single complaint.
What was he up to?
"Well, I already have a plethora of appetizers, entrées, and dessert ready for you! Let's go in."
A blush crept along her cheeks as her stomach grumbled at the sight of the laden food. Daniel, who was trailing behind her, seemed to have picked up. He had this smug smirk that she wanted to wipe off so badly.
"Hindi ka pa nakain?" He whispered, surprisingly. Leandro was busy chattering and ordering his crew to bring out the dishes.
"My schedule doesn't really allow me to do so."
It was the truth. She was always on the go, organized and had plans for every second of her day.
Forgetting to eat became a normalcy. "Still, mas lalong rason yon para hindi ka magpagutom."
It was stupid how her head loved the idea of him still caring.
"I eat heavy when I get the chance," Her shoulders rose, "These are one of those chances."
"Come here, my love." Leandro motioned to a table. "I brandished my newest recipes for you."
"You favor me too much." She said between fits of laughter. "You're my favorite wedding planner, dear. I'm supposed to favor you."
She held in her gasp and amusement when Daniel pulled the seat for her. A glint of playfulness painted Leandro's hazel eyes.
"We should wait for the bride and groom."
"Non-sense, my sweet. I know you have not eaten yet. Help yourself." Kathryn's eyes marvelled along the dishes before her.
Leandro kept on explaining the dishes as she tasted them. She silently made a list on her head of the things she liked most.
In the time expenditure, he could feel Daniel's piercing stare at her skull. When she turned to face him, she wished she didn't do so.
Her heart hammered, watching how his eyes fell dull and grim. Suddenly, he looked so different. His playful aura wore off. He was staring at her as if she was everything he wanted, but could never have.
Even as she equalled his stare, he still looked crestfallen. He looked so lost. He looked like he was dying to say something, but he kept those words unsaid.
Daniel snapped out of his reverie when the engaged couple hustled in. "Ate Kath!" Magui gushed before running to her.
Absentmindedly, she opened her arms wide. "I missed you, ate Kath!"
"Namiss din kita." The corner of her eyes caught him, wiping his tears. Before she could even confirm, Troy blocked her vision. "Pre, saan ang comfort room?" Was the last five worded sentence she heard from him.
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After that, she never had an exchange of thoughts with him again.
Magui and Troy still attempted to set them up, but Daniel was the one who sniffed around and purposely avoid the situation.
She wasn't precisely sure if she was thankful or not.
He'd still be there during planning and other stuff. But all he did was stare.
At first, it was awkward. She really wanted to tell him off, but she only assumed the best and that he'd lay off after that.
He did not. He stared at her like a CCTV camera looking at every bone she moved. He stared on like he was openly admitting something.
They'd sparingly ask him, and he'd either nod, shake his head, or say a word or two. If not, he'd stare blankly, showing neutrality.
If anyone ever noticed (which was literally impossible if there wasn't), they kept mum about it.
Even during the wedding ceremony. Even when he stood next to the groom while she sat front seat.
What was confusing was why she didn't bother to divert his attention. She'd even push to stare back at him sometimes.
Maybe she wanted his attention as much as he wanted hers.
"Ate, thank you so much." Magui, still in her white wedding dress, hugged her from the side.
"Toast to the best wedding ever?" She laughs and clinks her glass with Magui's.
"Mags, the pleasure is all mine. I'm delighted that you even trusted me with your wedding."
"I'm glad kuya participated in this. He disdainfully vowed to never marry." Magui murmured sadly.
"He's still young, Magui. He'll change his mind. If the girl--"
"That's it, ate. The girl. He lost her. He lost you."
That successfully shut her up.
"When you left, we all knew how depressed he was. But he never showed it. He kept it all inside. Hanggang sa parang bumabangon nalang siya araw-araw, kahit pakiramdam niya, wala ng rason para bumangon pa. It's as if your departure had rendered him lifeless."
One of the things she wanted to avoid - affecting him so badly that he started changing for the worse.
"He dedicated all of his time to his work, most of the time skipping meals and forgetting us, his family. He still comes home, but he shuts us off. Not even wanting to have dinner with us. Kapag minsanang naudyok naming sumabay, he was there, physically. Pero yung isipan niya, miles away." Magui motioned her hands as she looked down at the ground.
"He sold his condo even after I begged him not to. He slowly started to wipe off memories about you. I knew it was his way of trying to let you go, a coping mechanism of the new life he's supposed to be accustomed to. Pero ilang taon na ang lumipas....." A disappointed smile formed on her lips.
"When Troy came to our house to formally start courting me, it was the first time I saw his eyes light up since then. He was very much invested with getting to know Troy - and he liked him so much, because his intentions with me were always so clean. Sa totoo lang, hindi ko inexpect yung ganoong reaction from kuya. I even told Troy to prepare for his wrath. I expected him to throw a fit like what he always threatened to do. But he didn't."
"Then I realized..... He saw himself in Troy. He saw how much Troy loved me. Nakita niya kung paano ako minahal ni Troy. He saw his past relationship with you, ate Kath."
Kathryn raised her head just enough to meet his little sister's stare.
This is it. She was hearing of him from someone he's always been with personally.
"He always supported me in things involving Troy. I've always thought that dating would be hard with kuya around...... Pero hindi. Minsan nga, inaakala ko na sila ang magkapatid dahil si kuya iyong parang wingman ni Troy, kasabwat sa surprises ganon. He always had his back, especially in things involving me."
Was it real?
To say the least, just like Magui, she thought he'd break anyone's face if they dared to inch closer to his sisters.
He swore to that.
Did she urge that reaction on him?
"Sinabi lang sa akin ni Troy to...... When he asked for my hand in marriage, kuya DJ was in tears and kept on reminding him to love me, take care of me, make me happy, give in to my whims, give his everything while he can for the rest of our lives." Typical of him.
"The one thing that pierced me so badly was when he..... made Troy promise to never repeat the same mistake as he did. As it cost him the love of his life. Sabi pa daw sa kanya, bigyan daw siya ng maraming pamangkin para makapagampon siya ng kahit isa. Wala daw siyang planong magkaanak o magasawa kung hindi ikaw..."
She found herself admitting to not marrying anyone but him, too.
"Kuya was hands on with the wedding not only because you were our wedding planner, but because he's always had envisions of how he wants it. He wanted to feel what it was like to plan a wedding...... In us, he saw the what could've beens and the what ifs...... Binubuhay niya yung munting alaala niyong dalawa sa amin.... He's orchestrating how it should've been."
"Yung proposal ni Troy, ganun dapat yung gagawin niya para sa'yo..... Ate Kath, kuya was supposed to propose to you the day after the incident."
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"Ano bang ginagawa ko dito." Kathryn asks herself. Why was she standing in front of Daniel's hotel room?
After her talk with Magui, she only remembered running off. But having to come back to ask what floor and which room he was on.
Initially, she ridiculed herself for a good while for asking. Everything was a complete blur. She treated herself a few shots of alcohol on the hotel's mini bar. Her mind cannot completely wrap around Magui's revelation - which she would not have believed if it came from anyone else.
Stupidly, she kept on denying. She was afraid of the authenticity of her words..... Because it had the ability to change everything.
She might just eat all her words of dispute.
Bravely, she asked for another shot. To build up her self-esteem.
Nothing in the world ever made her feel so small.
A wobbly and desperately trying Kathryn walked in the elevator. She was even surprised to still remember to push the button for the 16th floor while reminding herself of his room number.
"Darn it." Her feet was crying for mercy. She's been wearing those killer heels for fifteen hours straight. "Oops." A raw giggle pushed out of her throat as one hit the door with a loud thud.
Drunk. She was definitely drunk.
Then the door hacked open.
"Kath?" Her eyes widen. She quickly tried to think of an escape plan.
"Sorry. Dun nga pala room ko." Heck, her words were even indistinguishable.
"Sa seventeenth floor ang room mo." An eyebrow raised prior to that statement. "Weh?"
"Bakit lasing ka?" He looked mad. But still hot. Damn it.
"Hindi a! Kaunti lang ininom ko!" She insisted, making a representation of how much she ingested earlier. "Ganito."
Shaking his head, Daniel crossed his arms. "Wokay! Edi ganito." Then she motions a much more realistic amount.
"Baliw ka ba? Bakit ka ba naglasing?" In this frame, he sounded and looked worried.
"I needed the help. Magpapalakas lang sana ako ng loob, e hindi ko talaga---" Tears sprung free.
"Kath....." She waited. But he hesitated. "Tangina mo, hayop ka Daniel. Hindi mo pala kayang mabuhay ng wala ako, hindi mo man lang ako hinabol. Pakyu ka!" To prove a point, she raises her middle finger to him as she continued to cry.
"Namo! Nakakainis ka! Lagi mo nalang akong pinapaiyak gago!" She slurred, almost failing to stand on her own feet but he caught her before her form could hit the floor.
Her sobs continued as her tears seeped through his white dress shirt.
"Mag-usap ka kung hindi bubugbugin talaga kitang damuho ka!"
Daniel sighed and picks her up. He settles her down his bed after, and when he threatened to stand up, she was quick to grab his arm.
"Gagawan lang kita ng kape.... Para mahimasmasan ka kahit kaunti." She glared at his direction before letting him go.
The bed was a distraction. It smelled heavily of him - as if it were sheets back at his own room. She swore she would've fallen asleep if not for his nudging.
Kathryn accepts the coffee, calms herself down before turning to face him, his eyes already staring at her.
"Magui told me..." She whispered under her breath. "Na?"
"Your life after....." A bitter laugh slipped from his lips. "Life? That's not life..."
"Akala ko.... Kapag nakita kita ulit..... Kakayanin ko ng patayin lahat ng nararamdaman ko..... Kaya ko ng pakawalan ng tuluyan ang matagal ko ng pinanghahawakan.." His eyes burned.
"Pero hindi nangyari yun, e." He cleared his throat. "Nung nakita kita, mas lalo ko lang naalala kung bakit hanggang ngayon, hindi ko parin magawang pakawalan ka."
"Baliw na baliw ako sa'yo e.... Everyone fucking knows that. I live and breathe for you... I tried to remain neutral to make things easier for you, I can't. Kahit wala kang ginawa kundi iwasan ako, oo masakit, pero lalo lang ako umaasa na.... Baka mahal mo parin ako kaya ipinagtutulakan mo ako..... Ayaw mo lang masaktan ulit.... Matapos ang lahat ng pinaghirapan ko.... Nabaliwala lang ulit...."
His tears came flowing. "So I ignored you too.... In the realms of speaking. As if I could ignore your presence." He scoffed. "I just watched you. Binusog ko nalang ang mata ko sa imahe mo.... Ang isip ko sa salita mo.... Because I knew you'd be leaving right after the wedding."
"Hindi ko na nagawa yun bago tayo maghiwalay e. At least ngayon.... Pag-alis mo ulit, baka kaya ko nang mabuhay nalang sa ganun. I can relive everything. Kaya kong isipin na kasal natin iyung pinaplano mo."
Her eyelids felt heavy.
"Hihintayin ko nalang siguro ang next life natin... Baka sakaling doon, tayo ang magkatuluyan."
That was what snapped, the things holding her back; into two. Without even thinking, she ushered forward to meet his lips.
Daniel did not know how to react. Of course, the moment he saw her outside his door, he wanted nothing more than to kiss her senseless.
In the most minimalist way, to know her efforts of consoling herself to talk to him was a win for him. If she wanted just a proper goodbye/closure before they drift apart once more, he'd be happy that she did so.
Even though she tried to reason things out.
When he saw her cheeks flushed red and her eyes almost fiery and sensual, he thought it was just his mind doing tricks.
Kathryn always had perfect control over everything. So when he figured out her state, he felt even more elated.
That sounds so wrong.
"Kiss me, you idiot!" She smacks his shoulder. "Ayoko. You might regret it......"
From heat and desire filling her eyes, it was replaced by empathy and longing.
One thing he used to hate. How her eyes were quick to change relative to her emotions.
But that one change was the best of it all. "I love you." She spoke in the slowest manner. It was all the confirmation he needed.
Maybe sober Kathryn will regret this. But drunk Kathryn still loved him.
A part of her still loved him.
With all the longing boiling inside him, Daniel swore he felt sparks when his lips touched hers.
He made sure to take his time. To savour every bit of her. If she goes the day after, he won't regret not doing this.
Her hands softly crawled up to his neck, grabbing some of his hair as their kiss intensified.
At that moment, Daniel felt alive.
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Daniel lazily opened his eyes. As he was about to raise his arm to block the sun rays peering at his face, he became aware of the smooth skin under his touch.
She's still here.
It was hard to believe.
Kathryn was curled up beside him, their limbs intertwined, her head leaning on his chest; she looked absolutely heaven-sent. It was a view he never thought he'd see.
Yawning, he slowly moves his hands from under his white dress shirt that Kathryn wore. She grunted, leaning even more into his chest.
All the time in the world were as if in his hands as Daniel continuously and openly stared at her.
Kathryn was everything he ever wanted. More than anyone could ever know.
So when she opened her eyes and discovered him once again staring, he was almost too scared that last night was too good to be true.
It could've been the alcohol. Or Magui's words.
Maybe she didn't really want him back. Maybe she just wanted to listen, to let go of the grudges. Maybe his words enticed her, making her want to kiss him. Maybe she regretted finally giving herself to him the night before.
Instantly, all those maybes proved to be fruitless when she shyly smiled at him.
Again, he was stoned. She just had that feature - the capability to make him feel drained of words.
"Good morning," She greets; sexily if he may add. "Good morning." Daniel taps a kiss on her forehead.
"Gutom ka na?" Kathryn pouts at him and nods. "Ang sakit ng ulo ko."
He pulls her close, laughter filling the room. "Sino ba may sabing uminom ka? If you wanted to talk to me, you know I'd be willing to tell all and listen to you."
"Nahiya na kasi ako sa sarili ko..."
Shaking his head, he filled his nostrils with her scent, mixed with his in the most euphoric way. "You want more truths?"
"There's more?" Famished, she looked up at him. "I never slept with anyone.... Well.... Only you.."
In the cutest fashion, Kathryn shrieked and forcibly buried her face on his chest. He could only laugh.
"Si Ron.... Magkatabi kami ng room.... The girl assumed it was me because she didn't see his face clearly, only his hair and built. Ni hindi niya inalam yung room number ng nakasama niya. Do you remember him? We used to have the same hairstyle."
Everything was a lie.
They both suffered because of mistaken identity. "Since when did you know?"
"Two years ago...... I saw them together with a four year old little girl. She looked awfully similar to Ron. Tapos nagpaliwanag sila."
At once, she felt tears filling her eyes again. "Sobrang nagalit ako nung nalaman ko yun. Sobrang sama ng loob ko..... Nawala ka sa akin ng dahil lang doon... Kampante ako noon na hindi ko magagawa sa'yo yon, e.... Napangunahan pa rin ako ng takot... Naisip ko na mas masasaktan ka kapag pinaniwala kita na walang nangyari, pero meron pala."
"God, I'm so stupid."
"Love. Don't say that." He angled her face towards his, wiping her tears away with his thumb. "Siguro kung dati, pinatawad mo ako even if you thought I cheated, we won't last for long.... Baka kasi mahirap na para sa'yo ang pagkatiwalaan ako matapos ang lahat."
"Last night, you came back to me. You said you loved me. You're now willing to trust me with your life..... Kaya ipinapakita ko sa'yo na kahit hindi ako perpekto, I think I deserve you. Well, I hope I do."
"I'm sorry I didn't trust you enough.... I'm so sorry." Kathryn leans in and kisses him softly.
How he missed her.
"Bakit hindi ito sinabi ni Magui sa akin?" He smiled sadly. "I never told them. But if you ask her about me coming home two years ago in the angriest state I've been, she'll recall how many vases I smashed to pieces."
That just made her cry even more. "Hey, hey, love, stop crying....."
She didn't stop. So he challenged her instead. "I won't let you get out of this room for a week if you don't stop."
"That's okay. Lock me up." Tempting. A playful smile placed itself on his lips. "Oh, I haven't mentioned punishing you with inability to walk."
Help him, she looked so darn beautiful with her appalled expression and her red as tomato face.
"I'll make you breakfast." He winks playfully after considering his plan a success.
Still, he wouldn't mind locking her up in his room for days. Even weeks. Or months..... Years?
After all, she was everything he ever wanted.
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