12-25-16
HAPPY HOLIDAYS!
If you celebrate Christmas, Merry Christmas!
Once again, I'm very sorry for my absence. I have tons drafted, hopefully I'll get to update some before 2017 comes. Maybe a one shot about an IG post that proved to be the greatest Christmas gift ever? ;) HAHAHAHAHA
Getting into the Christmas spirit. Almost similar to my last Christmas update, ey?
I JUST REALIZED THAT THIS WAS THE 100TH. REUPDATED REAL QUICK HAHAHAHAHA OMG MILESTONE
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Kathryn hugs herself, coughing intently. She holds the cup near her mouth, letting the mellow, yet strong scent of hot choco blur out her senses.
The fireplace in front of her was no use. Ramdam pa rin niya ang lamig ng gabi, kahit ilang patong na damit ang suotin niya.
Naramdaman niya ang paghaplos ng malamig na hangin sa mukha niya. Taimtim niyang ipinikit ang mga Mata, saka dinamdam ang nagyeyelong ihip.
"Daniel?" She calls out, voice almost breaking. "Nandiyan ka ba, mahal?"
Napalunok siyang muli ng maramdamang muli ang kalamigan.
He was there.
"I miss you."
Nakapaligid sa kaniya ang makukulay na dekorasyon at punong puno ng buhay ang kuwartong iyon. Pinuspos niya ang oras para mamili ng kasangkapan na magagamit para naman maramdaman niya ang pasko.
The house was full of life. But the person inside it?
She was nowhere near alive.
Idinaan niya sa palamuti ang saya ng kapaskuhan. Iniatang niya ang responsibilidad ng kasiyahan sa lahat ng iyon. Pero Hindi niya parin magawang sumaya. Hindi pa rin niya maramdaman ang ligaya.
Kathryn stares at the burning fireplace. Then at her glove engulfed hand. Then at the mirror she set aside.
She openly stared at herself, and she could see nothing but desperation.
Desperada na nga siya.
Tinahak niya ang daan patungo sa salaming iyon. Matapos, umupo siya sa harapan noon. Ibinaba niya ang baso.
"Ngiti." Pointer fingers dragged the sides of her mouth into the most plastic smile she's ever seen.
But, she'll confess. That was the best smile she could muster. That was the best she's been.
"Ngiti, Kathryn." Imbis na ngumiti, tumulo ang luha ng nasa harapan niya.
"Ang daya mo." Sisi niya, "Ang daya daya mo. Tinatraydor mo na naman ako."
Paano nga ba?
Paano ba sumaya?
Ganoong ang taong nagbibigay saya sa kanya ay nakahimlay na?
"It's been two years, my love."
Two years since she last held his hand.
Two years since she last felt his lips on her.
Two years since she felt his warmth around her.
Two years.... since she was last with him.
Two years since her genuine smile.
"Magpapasko na..... lahat sila masaya." She laughed bitterly. "Bakit ako?"
Ni hindi nga niya nakita ang hitsura nito bago pa ito ilibing.
Sigurado naman siyang guwapo pa rin iyon.
But she couldn't make herself do it. She did not want to see him for the last time. In a coffin.
Hindi niya matanggap. Hindi niya kayang tanggapin.
Two years later, it still felt surreal.
She still didn't have the guts to believe it.
Something was telling her not to let go, just yet.
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Inayos ni Daniel ang polo na suot. "Kakadating ko lang."
He felt nauseous. He really hates planes.
"Okay, iti-text ko iyong address. Mag-ingat ka diyan."
Tumango siya. Nalimutan niyang malayo pala siya sa Lola. "Opo, la. Salamat po."
"Sige na, apo. Gusto kong paguwi mo rito ay dala mo ang apo ko sa tuhod." He blushes.
"La naman e." Hindi pa ako sigurado kung mahal pa ba niya ako.
Daniel drops the call, his eyes examining the new environment around him.
Why he was here, he has no idea.
Why he made such a crude promise...... he absolutely has no idea.
"How are you, mahal ko?" Pagusap niya sa sarili.
Hopefully, she's doing okay.
Hopefully, she's happy.
Napahugot siya ng hininga. Paano niya sisimulan ang lahat?
Paano siya magpapaliwanag?
And then, he remembers the last time he was with her.
Paano siya makakapagpaliwanag, kung ang naiisip lang niya ay ang kalambutan ng labi nito?
Ang naguumapaw na kagandahang taglay nito?
Ang init na dala ng kamay nitong nakayakap sa kamay niya?
He catches his breath. As per usual, she was absolutely breath taking.
Inilandas niya ang Mata sa address.
"I will find you."
He always does.
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"Is this address far from here?" Ipinakita niya ang nakalagay sa cellphone sa driver ng Uber.
"Oh, pretty far. But I'll take you there, brother!" Napangisi siya.
"You're not from here, are you?" They were already on the road, and it's been at least ten minutes since their departure.
"Yes, I'm from the Philippines."
"Oh! The Philippines! Yes! A friend of mine is Filipino! I've always wanted to go there." Sumungaw ang ngiti sa labi niya. Tipid na tipid.
"Well, you should visit, I'm sure you'd have fun."
"Will do! But hey, what brought you here, bro?" His smile fades as the question registered on his mind.
Paano niya sasagutin iyon?
"I'm here to win the love of my life back."
Nakita niya ang pagngiti ng lalaki. "Good on you, dude. I wish you luck. I'm not supposed to say this, but you looked really problematic when i picked you up earlier. But I'm telling you, it will be okay! Love will mend it all!"
He admired the man's positivity. "Thank you."
"I know you ain't askin, but I once let the love of my life slip through my fingers. It was no biggie, I was assured that I'd find someone else. Turns out, I'd always come back to her." Ngumiti ang lalaki, at nakatanaw lang siya sa labas. Pinapanood ang bumabagsak na snow.
"I never found anyone else." His head turned to the man. "I tried.... really. She was not my first girlfriend, after all. I thought I'd find someone after her."
"I was in complete denial. I couldn't admit to myself that I was wrong. I did not have the guts to live up to my feelings. And when I accepted..... she already found someone new." Naririnig niya iyong emosyong kahalo ng binibitawan nitong salita. He closed his eyes.
What if..... she found someone new?
"He was so much better than me. He made her so happy. And as much as it hurt to see her with another man..... I decided to just let her be. I could only wish her the best and happiness..... because she deserves it. Then, my life went on...." Nakaramdam siya ng paninibugho. Hindi pala masaya ang kinahinatnan ng istorya.
"Months later, I found out that they broke up. I saw her crying on our favorite place..... and I was appalled to hear her say sorry to the guy, on the phone, that she could never reciprocate his love. And the angels sang..... when she confessed of how she was still in love with me."
"Most would say, the other guy deserved her better. And I would agree on that, if she was ever truly happy with him... and if she ever loved him, at all. The thing is, with love, there's no escape. You can't escape the pain. You can't escape the haunting. But it's up to you. You have the choice, to let it hurt, or to let it go. I let it hurt...... and it was all worth it. Now, she's my wife, and we have a kid and are expecting another one soon."
"I want you to win the girl back. I'm sure whoever she is, she's a great catch to have you flying all the way here!"
Napatawa nalang siya sa huling sabi ng lalaki.
Kathryn is a great catch.
Too much of a great catch. It's almost as if he didn't really deserve her - at all.
"We're here!" Dumukot siya para bigyan ang lalaki ng pera. "Hey, hey, it's on me. Just promise me that you'll win her back."
"No, but the ride was too long and--"
"It's fine, I take the same route to get home. And I get paid enough. Just promise me you'll win her back." He breathes and nods. "I'll try."
"Don't try! Do it! Okay, I'll be on my way now, bro. Take care, okay?"
"Thank you. Thank you so much." The man smiles brightly. "You're more than welcome."
"This is it." Huminga siya ng malalim. But still, he couldn't bring himself to take a step forward.
Siguro'y sampung minuto na siyang nakatayo doon. Damn him from not making a plan beforehand.
"Paano?" Napangiwi siya.
Tama bang nandito siya? Tama bang matapos ang dalawang taong pagsisinungaling niya, ay narito siya't nakatayo sa harapan ng di umano'y tahanan ni Kathryn ng dalawang taon?
"Kathryn....." He felt his heart contract. Ngayon lang niya lubusang naramdaman ang pangungulila niya dito.
Yes, he would often miss her. A day never goes by without him wanting to see her again.
Seeing her again would be bliss. It won't matter if someone took place in his department. He just wants to see her again.
Para makapagpaalam. Makahingi ng tawad. Maiparamdam dito na kailanma'y hinding hindi ito nawala sa isipan at puso niya. Na kahit sa huling sandali, masabi niyang mahal na mahal pa rin niya ito.
He closed his eyes. Saka niya binilang sa isip ang pagtapak papunta sa pinto.
"It will be okay." Paulit ulit niyang inuusal ng mag-isa.
Pilit sinisiksik sa utak niya na magiging ayos ang lahat. Pero napupuno siya ng pangamba.
Sa panlabindalawang tapak niya, pinagpasiyahan niyang tumigil.
His eyes remained shut.
Nang marinig niya ang malalalim na paghinga. And then, a soft sniff.
The silence remained. Dapat na ba siyang magmulat?
He trusted his gut. Slowly, he opened his eyes.
At ayon si Kathryn. Nakahalukipkip sa harapan niya.
Para itong matutumba. Nabitawan niya ang hilang bagahe ng bigla nalang itong kumapit sa pinto, tila nanghihina.
By then, he doubted if he made the right choice.
Seeing her so fragile, so vulnerable, and so weak was torture. Minaigi niyang pumikit rin.
Doon niya naramdaman ang panunubig ng mga mata niya. "S-sorry."
Umapak siya palikod. Aalis na lamang siya.
Masasaktan lang niya si Kathryn.
"Sorry." He whispers once more, before turning away from her.
"DJ....." His hand rolled into a fist as he heard her voice. "DJ...."
Naisip niyang bigla. Kailangan niyang maging matapang.
Sigurado na siyang masyado na niyang nasaktan si Kathryn. Nang paulit ulit. She deserves to at least know why he did so.
Humihikbing lumapit siyang muli sa kinatatayuan nito. "I'm sorry...."
He shook his head. He has to stop saying sorry. "I'm---" He was stopped by surprise.
Kathryn pulled him into a hug. A tight hug, almost making him feel suffocated, but to know that she was the one hugging him, he could only hug her back.
Thereafter, he felt her melt in his arms. She filled the gap within so perfectly -- and he knew that only she would.
There they were, a day before Christmas, in each other's arms, both crying their eyes out. It could've been out of pain for her, but to him, God, she was with him.
Iyon na yon e. Mapapanatag na siya. Pero hindi niya alam kung anong magiging reaksyon nito sa pagpapaliwanag niya.
Pupuwede pa rin itong mawala ng tuluyan.
"God.... Kathryn.." Hindi niya namalayang ilang sandaling naiangat na pala niya ito mula sa sahig.
"P-pasok tayo..." Nanlamig siya sa sinabi nito. He readied himself.
The thought that she could still easily slip out of his fingers..... boggled his mind.
"A-anong ginagawa mo dito?" Ibinaba niya ang baso na naglalaman ng mainit na tsokolate. "Nandito ka, e."
Hirap niyang tinignan ito sa Mata. "B-bakit...... bakit ngayon lang?"
Umingos siya. Napaiwas ng tingin. "Huli na ba?"
"Iniintay kita e...... alam mo namang ayokong naghihintay." Her revelation made him take her gaze again.
"Hindi ako naniwalang namatay ka...." A squeak formed as she spoke, "I could never believe that you'd leave me....."
Malaki ang tiwala nito sa kanya.
"Someone was out to get me..... hindi ko maintindihan nung una kung ano ang kailangan nila sa akin...... then I found out that it was one of the company's shareholders..... specifically, his daughter."
"Tanda ko siya e..... she was a friend from childhood..... huling kita ko sa kanya ay noong high school..... where she confessed and I rejected her..... because I was already in love with you.." He shut his eyes close, the last words slipping from his mouth to an almost inaudible whisper.
"Months before I faked my death, the company was almost at stake...... we've visibly been noticing a huge drop.... I had it investigated..... then I confronted her... Hindi ko maalala yung ibang sinabi niya... ang naalala ko lang ay yung sinabi niyang pababagsakin niya ang kompanya.... at hindi ko siya napigilan....." Naramdaman niya ang malamig na kamay ni Kathryn.
"Akala ko, titigil na siya..... pero hindi siya tumigil.... hindi siya titigil hangga't alam niyang masaya ako... I got scared for you... I pushed you to pursue your degree here, I wanted to have you out of her reach... yes, naaksidente nga ako, and I used that to my advantage, faked my death, and before any more chaos would occur, she was surrendered by her own father."
"Gustong gusto na kitang hanapin noon..... pero kailangan kong maibangon ulit ang sarili ko..... ang kompanya namin.... kaya ngayon lang...." He shifts his stare again, looking straight at her.
"Hahayaan nalang sana kita, e. Hindi ka umuwi noong naaksidente ako.... hinihintay rin kita noon... pero nagpapasalamat ako na hindi ka umuwi.... you'd be safer here, miles away from me."
"Gusto kong malaman mo na wala ni isang araw na hindi kita naisip... I flew all the way here to say sorry.... sorry for everything, Kath. I'm sorry for not telling you. I knew it was for the best that time...." Ipinagsiklop niya ang mga kamay nila.
"It feels nice to let it all out..... but most importantly, it feels nice to be right here, with you...."
He raises their hands, pulling hers close to his lips. "I miss you, Bali."
"I still love you..." Pikit matang hinalikan niyang muli ang kamay nito.
"DJ......." He refused to look at her. "I love you so much...." He whispers once more, taking her hand and leaning onto it.
Now, her hands were no longer ice cold. The temperature has risen and she was no longer shaking because of the coldness the winter brought, 'twas because of her tears.
She gave herself a chance to stare at him. He still looked as handsome as he was before. Yet there was something else.
From his brows, his long lashes, his perfectly sculpted nose, his lips.....
Maybe it was the longing, contained inside her.
"I got by two Christmases without you.... I don't know how, siguro kasi nagkulong lang ako buong araw. But now, I don't want to be without you anymore.... this Christmas, tomorrow, and all the days after that...."
Gusto niya rin iyon. She wanted nothing more.
"I never wished for anything else than to see you again...." Naramdaman niya ang pag higpit ng kapit nito. "I knew you'd come back."
"I'll always come back." He cups her face in between his hands, leaning closer, almost haunting her. "To you. Only to you."
Before he could have a chance to see her once again seeping tears, she captures his lips in a kiss.
It wasn't an ordinary kiss.
In fact, there was never an ordinary kiss when it comes to Daniel.
He made sure that every single time, she can feel him. Everything he wanted her to feel.
Both their emotions were intensified, honoring the years apart.
Still, Daniel was taking it slow. She knew how he is. He savors every second. Every time they part, he would come back not a second after.
He always came back.
Ganon magmahal si Daniel. He was good with words - di naman iyon mapagkakaila. Pero sa simpleng hawak at haplos nito, sa simpleng pagakap at pangungulit nito..... actions do speak louder than words.
Her cheeks were wet with tears. But he did not seem to mind.
In fact, she was debating on whether the man was tearing up himself.
Soon after, the answer was revealed.
Dahan dahang pinunasan ni Daniel ang mga luha sa pisngi niya. "Bali, don't cry...." Bulong nito. But her tears won't stop.
His won't, either.
"Don't cry, my love." He was still tear stricken. "Shhh...."
"Naiyak ka rin, e." She manages to reason out. "Naiyak ka kasi."
Napatawa nalang silang pareho. Inabot niya ang mukha nito para punasan din ang mga luha nito.
After years, here they were, in front of each other, both grinning, both wiping the pain away.
But each other was enough. More than enough.
Daniel pulls her on his lap, making her cheeks turn scarlet. "D-Dj..."
"I love you." He draws her face close, her forehead touching his. "I've loved you for far too long."
He got that right.
Katorse siya ng makilala si Daniel. Kumalat ang balitang may gusto ito sa kaniya. But that was the gist of it.
"But I don't mind." Bulong nito sa kanya. "I won't mind loving you till the end of me."
"I love you." She murmurs against his thick coat.
A sense of nostalgia ran through her as his scent wafted around her.
He used the same perfume, from when they were sixteen.
"Hi." Ngiting ngiting nilapitan siya ni Daniel. "Tara?" He offered her his hand to hold, but she had the nature of declining and letting her shyness seep.
"Ahm..." Itinayo niya ang sarili at pinagpag ang palda. Mukhang nakibuan ni Daniel na Hindi niya tatanggapin ang kamay nito kaya kinuha na lamang nito ang bag niya.
"A-ako na...." Tinangka niyang agawin ang bag, ngunit nakasabit na ito sa balikat ng binata. "Palagay ako, a." He raises his wallet, not even waiting for her permission.
He looked ridiculous with that pastel blue shoulder bag on him. But, knowing it was hers, made her smile.
"Tara." Motioning for her to go first, she nods. Nakatungong naglalakad lang siya dahil ramdam na ramdam niya ang tingin ng iba.
"D-daniel...." She stops him, taking her bag with a bit of force. "Kath ako na..."
"Hindi kasi ako sanay ng walang bag, e." It was partly true. Ngumiti nalang siya, just to assure him a bit.
"Okay." Nagulat siya ng kapitan naman siya nito sa beywang. "Ah..."
"Hi, Kath." Ngayon ay alam na niya kung bakit. "Jace... hi."
"DJ." Nagtanguan lang ang dalawa. "Una na kami, pre. Gutom na to e. Magaamazona pag di napakain."
She blushes, glaring at him. "Ep. Cute naman." Kinurot nito ang ilong niya. "Oh, okay. See you around, guys!"
Hindi siya umimik hanggang makarating sa pupuntahan nila. Pinapamulhan pa rin siya ng pisngi sa tuwinang mararamdaman ang paghigpit ng kapit ni Daniel sa kaniya.
And heck, he smelled so freaking good! Hindi na nga niya alam kung saan sila papunta dahil distracted talaga siya sa amoy at kapit nito.
She felt surrounded by him.
"Anong iyo?"
Namula na lamang siya ng alisin nito ang kamay sa beywang niya. Wala pang sampung Segundo ang nakalilipas ng ipanumbalik nito ang kamay.
Not on her waist. But her hand.
"Ano?" Nakatungo ito at pinagmamasdan ang menu. Hindi niya magawang tanggalin ang kamay nito.
It felt right. It felt as if it was right were her hand belonged.
Her fingers belonged between the spaces of his. The way his thumb rubbed tenderly against the back of hers, it was euphoric.
Why? She didn't know.
"Carbonara?" Napatango nalang siya. "Drinks? Masarap daw frappe nila."
"Kung anong iyo." Sabi nalang niya.
Nagpahigit nalang rin siya.
"Kath?" He called her name uncertainty, making her raise her eyes to look at him. He was looking down. "Hmm?"
"Ano...... sorry."
"Huh?"
"Yung...." It's as if he can't dare spit out the words. Then, it ticked.
"Ahhh...." She bit her bottom lip, "Okay lang."
All the days after that, he made sure to hold her hand whenever he had the chance to.
It was still the same. He held her close throughout the night. The first time in years that she ever had a good night's sleep, and so did he.
She didn't need to miss him anymore.
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