4-26-16
Must be the most requested. Guess which one this is? ;)
Media says a lot.
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It was our 5th anniversary.
Hindi pa nagpaparamdam sa akin si Daniel. Since yesterday.
We bid our goodbyes happily naman the other day. Halos ayaw na nga niya akong pakawalan sa higpit ng yakap niya sa akin.
'Fine. If you're gonna be like that, then so be it. HAPPY FIFTH FUCKING ANNIVERSARY.' Text ko sa kanya.
Napuno ako. The sun has already beautifully set, and the moon replaced it. Not a single word from him. Niha niho.
Hindi ko naman inakalang magkakaganito ulit kami. And on our fifth anniversary?!
Technically, Eighth.
Pero wala namang pake iyong lalaking iyon!
What's worse?
My fears are eating me alive.
Nabubuhay na naman yung mga takot ko na ibinaon ko na sa limot.
And here they are, again, ruining my thoughts and interfering with my stands.
It was a never ending banter.
Ever since five years ago, when Daniel broke up with me, natatakot na ako palagi.
Sure, our relationship was smooth sailing, with bits of disturbances, but nonetheless, Hindi naman malaking kasiraan.
It was freaking wrong. Maling pagdudahan ko siya.
But I can't help it.
I tried to forget it, and somehow, nagawa ko naman. Pero sa tuwing may nangyayaring ganto?
It was a war between my fear and my love for him.
Naiiyak ako sa tuwing naaalala ko yung nangyari. I came so close into losing the man I love.
I felt him slipping away from me about three months before we broke up.
He never stopped saying I love you back. Pero ramdam ko yung pagkairitado niya.
Kailangan kong umaksyon. Hindi pwedeng basta nalang ako tumayo doon at hintayin siyang iwanan nalang ako.
And so I did.
Mas malala lang ang nangyari. Dahil sa ginawa ko, lalo lang siyang nayamot.
We broke up.
Hindi ko pinlano yung paghingi ng isang araw. I just wanted to pack, and leave. I love him. It hurts to let him go, pero siya na kasi yung umaayaw.
I pushed my luck. Hindi ko siya magawang tignan.
Alam ko namang walang epekto yung isang araw na yon.
The excruciating pain of saying goodbye later that night was my slap of reality.
And then he stopped me. He stopped me, and I knew I only had one last chance to take him back.
I stooped down low. I offered myself to him.
He rejected me. And I said all those words that never planned on telling him.
Yet, God still had plans for us.
Umiiyak na pala ako. I need to breathe.
Pumunta ako sa labas. Only to be left wide eyed as I saw Daniel in the middle of an act.
May hawak siyang bato sa isang kamay niya. And he was aiming for my window.
"Ah... hehe." Nakamot niya ang pisngi. "Fail." Padabog na ibinato yung kapit niya saka isinukbit sa sarili niya ang gitara.
"First of all, Sorry. I did it on purpose. Pinatay ko ang phone ko for two whole days. Pinatabi ko kay magui. Because everyone freaking knows that I'd probably end up ruining the plan."
"Baby, I love you. This is for you."
(SONG IS WEAK by SWV, but I love Jay-R's version.)
"I don't know what it is that you've done to me... But it's caused me to act in such a crazy way..." Tanging ang boses lang ni Daniel ang naririnig at ang pagtutog niya ng guitara. The song sounded undoubtedly familiar.
"Whatever it is that you do when you do what you're doin'... It's a feeling that I want to stay..." Halos hindi ako makahinga habang pinapanood ang mga fairy lights na isa isang nagiilawan sa kada bitaw niya ng salita.
"'Cause my heart starts beating triple time, With thoughts of lovin' you on my mind.." Nakatitig lang siya sakin. He was watching me intently.
"I can't figure out just what to do, When the cause and cure is you...." Ngumiti siya. Nakalimutan ko lahat ng galit ko. His voice, oh Gosh.
"I get so weak in the knees, I can hardly speak, I lose all control, And something takes over me," Naging klaro na ang eksena. Napapaligiran siya ng maraming maraming fairy lights at blue roses.
"In a daze, And it's so amazing, It's not a phase, I want you to stay with me" Nangingilid na ang mga luha ko. Bakit ganito? Hindi naman ganito yung mga past anniversaries namin.
"By my side, I'll swallow my pride, Your love is so sweet, It knocks me right off of my feet" Hindi ko namalayan, nakalapit na pala siya ng tuluyan sa akin.
"I can't explain why your lovin makes me weak..."
"Nakakainis ka!" Hahampasin ko sana siya sa dibdib pero hinila niya ako payakap.
"Happy eighth. I love you so much, mahal." Umiiyak na ako ng hinalik halikan niya ang noo ko.
"Galit ako." Angal ko. I still have all the right to be upset!
"Kaya mo na pala akong tiisin ngayon!" Tinawanan niya lang ako. Aba!
"Hindi nga e. Mom had to lock my door and windows para lang hindi ako makatakas ng kwarto."
"TOTOO YON NAK!" Rinig kong sigaw ni Tita. Luminga linga ako, but he lifted my chin so I'd look at him. "You know I can't last a day without you, baby." Hinila niya ako sa kung saan siya nakanta kanina.
I had to admire it. Ngayon ko lang napansin na Hindi pala lahat ay tunay na blue roses. May mga paper roses.
Natangis ko ang bagang ko ng lumuhod siya. On one knee.
Holy...
"No one knows about this yet," Aniya, "Except for me and your parents."
"Love, we've been through a lot. I know, marami along idiotic and childish moments. Madalas umarangkada ang pagkaseloso ko. Pihikan ako sa mga damit na pwede mong isuot. Tigasin pa rin ako. But through it all, I seldom hear a complain from you. You're like, the most understanding girlfriend ever. And I think you'll be the same as a wife and a mother to our future children."
"I'm sorry if I ever tried to forget you. I'm sorry I hurt you. I won't make promises, because I know better. I'm sorry, but you might have to stomach my attitude for the rest of our lives, because I'm not gonna let you go, even if you say no. Pero magririsk na ako. Because you're worth every risk."
"Mahal.... You've always been the only one who makes me weak. I want us to finally start the future we've always planned. The future that's just beyond our grasp. I want us to live in the same roof, with us being shielded by the walls of our house that we also dreamt of. I want to spend each and every single morning waking up with you in my arms and your face to bless my day. I want you to bear my name. I know, It took me eight long years, but I waited for the right moment, and this feels like the right time. I want you to be my wife. No, I need you to be my wife. Will you fulfill that need? Will you spend your lifetime with me?"
Huminga ako ng malalim. Gusto ko magsalita.
Gusto kong manggaling mismo sa bibig ko.
But I can't. I can't talk at all!
He left me speechless again!
Nanginginig na tinakpan ko ang bibig ko. I was shaking so hard. Kinuha niya ang kamay ko.
"I'm willing to wait," Samo niya, but I protested. "Yes! A million times yes! I'll marry you!" Muntikan na akong matumba pero sinuportahan niya ako. He slipped the ring on my finger.
Kinabig niya agad ako sa isang napakahigpit na yakap. Hinugot ko lahat ng lakas ko para lang mayakap siya pabalik. I almost could not breathe.
But if I die right at this moment, at least I'll die in his arms.
"I love you so damn fucking much," Bulong niya paulit ulit, "You don't know how fucking happy I am."
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Everyone was there.
True to his words, Everyone except for her parents knew.
"Grabe ka Danilo!" Palokong binigwasan ng mama nito si Daniel, "Hindi mo man lang hiningi ang opinyon ko! Asan ang hustisya!"
"Ma!" Daniel rants. "Ina mo ko!" Tudyo pang muli nito sa panganay. "Umayos ka!" Saka ako hinarap at niyakap.
"Oh, daughter in law ko. Omygosh sabi na magiging anak kita. Buti nalang abnormal lang ang panganay ko, hindi naman tanga." Napatawa ako don. Si tita talaga. "Congrats, anak."
"Thank you po tita." Nakangiting pasasalamat ko. "Ay nako, mama nga diba ang sabi. Ikaw talaga."
"Bunso! Congrats!" Inakap ako ng nagiisang kuya ko, "Mauunahan mo pa rin si Kaye losyang."
"Anong Kaye losyang!" Sabat ni ate Kaye, "Bunso, huhu uunahan mo pa ko, huhu Congrats." I kissed her on the cheek.
We received more congratulatory greetings all through out the night.
But my parents' remark was the hitch.
"Nak, congrats." Naiiyak na niyakap ako ni mama, "Wala na rin ang bunso ko."
"Mama naman, ikakasal lang naman ako." Tanggol ko. Hindi naman ako mamamatay e! "Nak," Ipinukol ko ang atensyon kay papa na nanonood pala. "Congrats."
"Thank you papa," I kissed him on the cheek, "Thank you dahil pinayagan niyo si Daniel na gawin to."
"Of course, he'll be dead meat kung hindi ka niya pakakasalan." Biro nito, "Joke lang. He's a great guy, bunso. And you're my princess. I want nothing more than a man who'll treat my princess as his very own queen. At kita ko iyon kay Daniel. He's very persistent. Ilang buwan nang hinihingi non ang kamay mo sa amin, and your mom and I can't just give our youngest to him just yet, no. Pero ang tyaga niya."
Namangha ako. Daniel, he never fails to surprise me. "Yes, Kath, pinuno niya ng bulaklak ang kwarto, so Hindi lang ikaw ang may animo'y garden dito," Asar ni mama sa akin. Hmp! "Just like when he was courting you. Alam kong mahal na mahal ka nun. So we are more than willing to give him our blessing. Kita ko namang halos nine years ka na niyang napapasaya."
"I love him so much too, ma, pa. And he does make me happy. Thank you for everything, ma, pa." Iyak ko saka ko ipinaikot ang mga braso payakap kay mama at papa.
"Baby?" Tiningala ko si Daniel na yakap yakap ko. Wala naman siyang reklamo. Humalik ito ng mabilis sa sentido ko. Matipid na ngiti nalang ang nabigay ko pabalik.
"May napagod ng maigi a." Inirapan ko siya. Pero pagod na talaga ako. "Pano, yung magaling kong boyfriend, pinaiyak na naman po ako no."
A raw laugh escapes his lips, "Fiancé po. Ehem." Niluwagan ko ang yakap at hinawakan nalang ang kamay ni Daniel.
Pinamulhan ako. No point in hiding that.
It was something I never dreamed of as a little kid.
As a kid, I was never aware of engagements and such. Sure, nangarap siya ng maganda at magarbong kasal. But I wasn't told of things before that.
My siblings had short term engagements. And surely, it wasn't as extravagant as Daniel's proposal, Hindi naman sa pagyayabang. Mas keen talaga ako sa mga marriages.
Napukaw ang atensyon ko ng singsing na suot suot ko na ngayon. The ring was a simple gold band, manipis lang, almost twig like ang form nung iba. Hindi siya basta pabilog all through out, the band splits and twirls about. It was emblazoned with stunningly beautiful crystals that almost blinded me, but I did not dare look away.
It was a definite beauty, but not too much that it was flashy. Tamang tama lang. Hindi overdone, everything was fixed perfectly to where they are meant to be.
Hinalikan ni Daniel ang kamay ko. "I had that specially made. For the most special woman in my life." Hindi ko napigilan ang pagngiti. Kahit nahihiya ako dahil titig na titig si Daniel sa akin.
"I never knew that you could pull off something as good as that." Puri ko. "Everything was perfect."
"No, you're perfect." He teases back. "All for you, my love. Mahal na mahal kita e. Reyna kita. And my queen deserves nothing but the best."
"I love you." Iyon nalang ang nasabi ko pabalik. I could not say anything more.
Ayun yung nakakainis kay Daniel. Once na nagsimula na siyang magsalita, he does not stop unless you give up first. Hindi siya nauubusan ng sasabihin pabalik. He always had a way with his words.
"Mahal kita."
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Planning is the stressful part.
Well, for their mothers.
"Oh dear, we have to go dress shopping soon," Nagaalalang binalingan ako ni mama, "Honey, have you finished the list? Yung sa entourage?"
Umiling ako. "Ma, chinecheck pa namin yung sa bridesmaids."
"Oh okay, basta we'll need confirmations by Monday next week, okay?" Tinanguan ko nalang si mama. Kulit e.
"Love." Si Daniel naman ang tinignan ko. Kanina pa kasi nangungulit itong isang to.
"Po?"
"Yaan mo na sila mama magayos. Date muna tayo." Nakangusong aya niya. "Magpaalam ka."
"Kasi naman e. Pakasal na nga lang tayo bukas. Isama nalang natin si A at si Pat. Sila na bridesmaid at best man natin."
I smiled. "Ayoko rin naman ng magarbo e. Papayag sana ako, but let's give this nalang kila mama. Lalo na sa mama mo. Ikaw ang unang ikakasal sa inyo." He kisses me on the cheek.
"Fine. You deserve a royal wedding. Sa akin ka lang naman ikakasal so might as well give you the dream wedding."
Ako naman ang humalik sa pisngi niya. "Thank you."
"Anong gusto niyong motif?"
And it starts again.
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All was set. Well, almost.
Kahapon ay nagcake tasting kami. Nagdress shopping about 2 weeks ago. We had our pictorial. Yung invitation ay on the process of printing. Location? I really was fond of a beach wedding, so they've decided to set it on beach resort.
I was dead worried about the cost. But my fiancé was persistent and he intends to give me the royal wedding he promised. I just wanted to be his wife and to bear his name.
We set the date on the 25th of October. Which was almost only four months away.
"J, magbabachelors party pa ba kayo?" Agad umiling si Daniel. "Ayoko. Wag rin kayong maggaganon ha. Hindi ako papayag kahit anong gawin mo."
"Well, bridal shower naman yung akin so pwede?"
"No, ayoko. Kathryn ayoko ha. Hindi mo ako mapipilit. Asa namang hahayaan kitang makapanood ng lalaking half naked na sinasayawan ka. Ako nalang. Sasayawan kita." Daniel winks and I turned beet red.
Medyo gumiling pa siya to prove his point. Nasapak ko tuloy. "Behave nga."
"I can't wait for you to become my wife." Bulong ulit ni Daniel sa akin.
"Hmp. Ang sabihin mo, you can't wait for our honeymoon." I teased back, na ikinatawa niya. "Partly."
"Dapat may anak na tayo bago ang first anniversary natin. Or at least, dapat buntis ka na non."
Inirapan ko siya. "Wag mo akong pinepressure ha!"
"Babe naman, hindi naman kita pinepressure. Ako nga dapat ang mapepressure dito." Humalik siya sa sentido ko. "I just can't wait for a mini me and our little Kathryn."
"Fine, saka na natin problemahin yan. I love you, tatay."
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A day closer to the big day.
At ito ako, kinakabahan na ng sobra.
Wedding jitters? Maybe.
Pero Hindi naman dahil sa Hindi ko siya mahal.
It's just the fears again.
The what ifs.
Sucks. Bakit ngayon pa?
I've been locking myself up the whole freaking day. Kanina pa nga ako kinakatok ni mama. Hula ko nangungulit si DJ.
Kanina pa rin niya ako tinetext. Kesyo lumabas daw ako. Kesyo ganito.
But the traditions. Yun nalang ang nirarason ko. Yung bawal magkita a day before the wedding?
Pero sa totoo lang, I just wanted to confide myself and stop thinking of the worst case scenarios.
Biglang may tumunog. May natawag yata sakin. I fished for my phone.
'Love calling..'
"Mahal, kahit sumilip ka lang. Please?" Natawa ako. Yun kasi talaga ang bungad niya sa akin. "Magtiis ka nga. I'm having my beauty rest."
"As if kailangan mo pa," He blurts, "You're already darn beautiful. Kahit magpuyat ka ng one week straight. Itatry natin yon, bi ha." Ano daw?
"Ano? Di ko gets."
"Pupuyatin kitang one week straight starting tomorrow night." I blushed. "Tsk. Daniel ha."
"What? Fine I'll let you sleep for two hours then you hav----"
"Are you going to stop or bababaan kita?" Tigil agad siya e. Good boy.
"Love you."
"Ugh. Later nalang. Please? Inaantok talaga ako." Humikab pa ako para maniwala siya. "Fine. Sleep my baby. You're gonna need all that energy tomorrow night. I love you."
It took another five minutes for him to drop the call. Ang kulit kulit talaga.
Talking to him really relieved all the doubt.
Maybe I was just worried because marriage..... it's a promise of a lifetime.
We've been together for eight years. The event only occurred once.
Dapat lang na isawalang bahala ko na ulit ang lahat ng takot na to.
Wala naman siyang ginawa ulit para pagdudahan ko pa siya ng ganito.
He only showered me with all the love. Wala siyang ibinigay kundi ang lahat niya at ang pagmamahal niya sa akin.
With that, lumabas na rin ako. Much to my surprise, he was right there.
Naguusap sila ni mama at papa. He had his back turned from me, so nagsneak ako. Niyakap ko siya patalikod.
Wala nang bisa ang mga pamahiin.
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Hectic.
Maaga pa lang ay inaayusan na ako.
Dumating na rin ang mga nakuhang photographers at videographers para kuhanan ultimo ang pagaayos sa akin.
As expected, all out talaga. Halos lahat ng angulo na pwede akong makita ay may nakatayong kamera, ilan ay nasa kamay ng magagaling na photographer.
Nahihiya ako. Pwede namang pati sa maid of honor at bridesmaids ay nakatutok yung iba. Ang dami kasi.
Pero ganoon talaga si Daniel.
"Kathryn pekeng peke ang ngiti mo." Sermon ng ni mama na kanina pa ako kinukublit at pinapagalitan.
"Mama ang daming camera."
"Eh iyung asawa mo e. Isa diyan ginamit ng mautak mong mapapangasawa at napapanood ka niya ngayon."
Namula ako. Iba talaga si Daniel.
"Wag kang magulat kung bigla nalang pumasok iyon dito para pangitiin ka."
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(Third person POV here!)
Inhale, exhale.
There was nothing more enchanting than what she was standing in front of, right at this very moment.
And more so, the man of her dreams was waiting for her at the far end of the altar.
There was a giant gazebo like structure made, specially for the wedding. It was a true beauty. Lahat ng guests ay nakaputi o di kaya'y baby blue, all barefooted too. Yes, the wedding's motif was white and baby blue. From flowers, to chairs, to pedastals, to carpets, to the altar's form, and all the other decorations.
The ceremony was held later in the day. Sunset na ng simulan ang seremonya.
She was almost close to tears. Kanina pa lang ay Hindi pa niya lubos na napapalibot ang isip na ikakasal na siya.
It was when she wore the dress. That was what ticked her off.
She was, indeed, getting married.
No. Hindi iyon katulad nung mga pangkaraniwang wedding dresses. It was an off shoulder dress, with a sweetheart neckline, made using silky white colored fabric. The fabric glistened as rays of the sun made contact. It had small crystal details all around the bodice, and the lower part flows freely down to a high low ending.
Personalized iyon. She insisted on just looking through some shops, like she said, nakapagdress shopping nga sila, but that was for her bridesmaids. Yung kaniya ay handcrafted by only the best.
Kanina pa siya patanaw tanaw. Buti nalang at nakaclip ang flower crown niya sa buhok, na may nakaattach na veil.
Hinayaan ang buhok niyang nakababa. Styled with the use of a curling iron, the largest barrel, na nakapagbigay ng natural looking curls sa buhok niyang gabalikat.
Her breath hitched. Wala nang nakaharang sa harap niya. It was her turn to walk.
She takes a light step. At that very same moment, the music played.
Soft heavenly eyes, gazed into me
Transcending space and time
It was all true. Her eyes met Daniel's.
Those brown tantalizing eyes that she knew very well.
And I, was rendered still
There were no words for me to find at all.
Nakagat nalang niya ang ilalim na labi.
Speechless, as she was.
As I stood there beside myself,
I could see you and no one else.
Magisa siyang naglalakad. Sa kalagitnaan ng mahabang altar na nilatagan ng kulay asul na carpet ay nakaabang ang magulang niya. Pinapanood siya ng lahat ng nakangiti. Pero ang naiiyak na si Daniel lang ang nakikita niya.
When I saw you, When I saw you,
I could not breathe, I fell so deep.
That was when she cried.
Hindi na siya makahinga. But it was barely paining her chest. Nasakit lang ang dibdib niya dahil ramdam niya ang mabilis na pagtibok ng puso niya.
When I saw you, When I saw you,
I'd never be, I'd never be the same..
She was never the same when she had Daniel.
Only once in a lifetime, love rushes in,
Changing you with a tide.
Yes. Sa buong lifetime niya, she had only loved Daniel. And she did change.
Ngayon ay nakanangkla na ang mama at papa niya sa magkabilaan niya.
And dawn's ribbon of light, Bursts through the dark,
Wakening you inside.
Through the darkness, she found light.
And I thought it was all untrue,
Until there all at once, I knew.
Hindi siya makapaniwala noong Una. But love works differently.
When I saw you, when I saw you,
I could not breathe, I fell so deep.
When I saw you, when I saw you,
I'd never be, I'd never be the same.
With no beginning and without an end,
You are the one for me and it's evident.
Eternity. Everlasting love. That was what she believed in.
And she had it. She had someone to have an eternity and everlasting love with.
And your eyes, told me so,
And your eyes, let me know.
She finally reached the end.
Pinakawalan na siya ng mama at papa niya. "Daniel, I have nothing more to say to you. Alam ko namang aalagaan mo ang prinsesa ko, but I still have to remind you. Take care of my princess, never ever make her cry."
"Yes, Tito." Agad na sagot ni Daniel. Though his eyes were all on her. "I'd rather hurt myself than see her cry."
"It's papa." Nakangiting pagtama ng ama niya. "Daniel. Ang bunso ko ha." Parang siya, naiyak na rin ang mama niya kanina palang habang naglalakad.
"Opo, mahal na mahal ko po ang bunso niyo." Inilahad na nito ang palad para hawakan niya. Pagkatanggap niya ay hinila rin siya palapit nito.
"You're so beautiful, mahal." She felt bundles of butterflies flying about in her stomach.
Eight whole years. And she still gets them.
"Are you ready, Mrs. Ford?" Ngumiti siya. Itinaas ang dalawang kamay at dumapo ang mga hinlalaki sa mga mata ni Daniel na naluluha na naman.
"Eight years na akong ready."
I'd never be the same....
--------------------
The reception was settled a few feet from where the wedding proper was customed.
Tapos na ang seremonya. She has to admit, the most awaited part was their vows. And yet again, her husband surprised her to the greatest extent.
Kani-kanina lang ay nagbigay na ng mensahe ang mga pamilya,t kaibigan nila. The witnesses. At kanina pa nga rin siya nakauubos ng tissue.
Haggard na siya ng magsasayaw na sila ni Daniel bilang ganap na mag-asawa.
They danced to Grow Old With You. Pero nilalandi lang siya ng mister at kung anu anong pinagsasasabi nito sa tenga niya, na ikinapula ng mukha niya.
But oh dear, he's Daniel. He's been a bugger like this for years now. Ngayon ay lalo lang niyang dapat masikmura ang kakulitan nito dahil magsasama na sila sa iisang bubong.
She loves him to death, still.
-------------------
A year later
"PUSH! MRS. FORD KONTI NALANG, SIGE PA PO!" Sigaw ng doktor na naggagabay sa nanganganak.
Tatlong buwan matapos ang kasal ay nabuntis na si Kathryn. Kabuwanan nito noong buwan din kung kailan sila ikinasal. Ngayon ay dalawang araw pa lang mula noong magdiwang sila ng unang anibersaryo, ay nanganganak na nga ang misis niya.
"Mahal ko, kaya mo yan. Sige lang," Naimpit niya ang ungol ng lalong dumiin ang kapit nito. Hirap na hirap siyang makita ang estado ng asawa. Parang di niya na nanaisin pa ang magkaroon ng isang dosenang supling
Umire pa ito ng ilang ulit bago tuluyang napuno ng malakas na iyak ang buong kwarto.
"It's a girl!" Napaluha siya. Babae.
Lumapit siya. May dugo pa ang mukha ng bata ngunit naaaninag na niya ang kagandahang taglay nito.
Naalala niya ang kanta noong kasal nila, habang naglalakad papunta sa kanya ang babaeng mahal na mahal niya.
At sa totoo lang? Nang masilayan niya ang anak ay tila tumugtog ulit iyon sa utak niya.
The pair of eyes she had came from her mother. And yes. It left him in absolute awe.
Naiiyak na hinalikan niya ang noo ni Kathryn. "Mahal na mahal kita."
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Longest I've ever written.
I planned to put more..... tear spilling scenes here but that would be too brute. No more abnormal Daniel because it's his birthday okay. Matino siya. Sorry about the time skipping. And for not including the vows. HUHUHU
Presuming you've all guessed. ;)