Meant to be ~ Book One Of The "Meant To Be" Series

Chapter 54

How do I even tell Tobias that I am moving? Is there any possible way where I can easily tell my boyfriend I love to death that I will move 2014.9 miles away from? The answer is no. Whenever I tell him, however I tell him, whoever tells him, he will still be crushed, broken . . . I don't want to leave. I finally put my life back together and now its already falling apart. I keep asking myself Is there a part in life when you have no problems? No worries? No sadness? Just happiness and the people you love around you? No. All life does is giving you a series of consecutive problems that never seem to end. No matter how hard you try, how hard you want something it will be hard to reach it. Even if you reach it, other things fall apart. Example; All year I was trying to get my friends back after them hating me, trying to keep my family alive, trying to prove to Tobias that I never wanted to spread his secret (which I didn't but never mind) and trying to win him back. I reached them all. My friends are back and they support me 24/7. I finally have Tobias by my side, showing live and care, helping me with everything. My family is alive, everything is finally great (not perfect. I still am sick and a little traumatized from Eric, Mason's death and my own actions of trying to suicide) and everything is getting worse. Everything I have tried for, now goes to waste because I am moving and I may never see these people who changed my life so much again. I will never forgive my parents for doing this. Never.
"Mom" I start as she does the laundry. "Please, just a few more days" I beg. "I need to tell Tobias and the others. I need a few more days! Everything is happening so fucking fast!" I yell. I have been trying to convince her all day that we don't have to/ can not move but she didn't listen to me. There is no way I can change their minds. My parents can be so stubborn sometimes it hurts. I am now at least trying to move our moving date so I can have enough time to tell everyone that Im moving without them freaking out. She sighs and looks at me.
"First off ; no cursing in this house – or ever. And maybe we can move the moving day for two to three days. No more" she says and I groan loudly as I stomp away. My throat was a little sore and exhausted from sobbing yesterday and the few days before that, but now its gotten worse. I don't even sound like myself anymore. I sound like a monster with a voice that breaks every time she lets out a sound from her mouth. My eyes are puffier than usual and my face is red from crying. I spent probably more than three hours in my room, casually sobbing the living hell out of my soul as I tried to calm myself down. My sobs and screams were so loud I bet the whole neighborhood heard them, thinking I was getting tortured to my death or something like that. I go to my room again and pick up my phone. Tobias called me three times but I couldn't pick up the phone. I dial Shauna's phone number and call her. She is the oldest from the girls in our group so she is always there, helping us with advice. She is like the person of wisdom we go to every time we have a problem and need her blessing. After a few beeps she picks up.
"Hey Tris. What you up to?" She says casually.
"Shauna I need your help" I say. My voice breaks so many times it even scares me. Comparing our voices, she sounds so heavenly and pure, while I sound like a dying crow.
"Oh my god. Are you okay? Have you been crying?" She asks quickly and worriedly. My mouth lets out this high pitched squeal as I try to stop my sobs.
"Can I come over?" I ask ignoring her questions.
"Yes, of course" she says. "No one is home, except me. I'll be waiting" I hang up after I say "Bye" and blink my tears away. I take my jacket and put my phone in my jeans pocket. I glance at my reflection in the mirror one more time before leaving my room. I jump down the stairs as I grab my car keys.
   "Im leaving to a friend's house and I don't give a fuck if you aren't okay with that!" I yell harshly as I close the door. I never curse with my parents like that. I don't know what up with me (actually I do because we are fucking moving –from my life– and I am mad with them, but knowing my past self, I would never behave like this with them). I see Tobias on the window. He smiles when he sees me and gets out of his house. He closes the door behind him and slowly walks up to me. I immediately get uncomfortable and nervous. I want to tell him now, but how?
   "Hey" he says putting his hands in his jeans pockets. "Where are you going?"
   "Em... At Shauna" I say, my voice breaks more than it did a few hours ago–when we were together– and he furrows his eyebrows. "I know I said we could hang out today, but I really need to talk to her. Maybe we can hang out later today?" I ask and he nods.
   "How are you by the way? Your voice seems more cracky and exhausted then before" he says. I stutter at first and shrug my shoulders.
   "I don't know. I am fine, nothing hurts but my voice keeps getting worse" I say and he nods. He cups my face in his hands and places a tender kiss on my lips. The feeling of his lips on mine sets electricity through me. My hands grip on his shirt but I pull back, resting my forehead against his chin. "You'll get sick too" I say and he strokes my hair.
   "Do you want me to drive you to Shauna's?" He asks and I shake my head.
   "No, its okay" I say casually. "You go take care of Olivia. Ill be back soon" I say smiling. I stand on my tip toes and place a light peck on his lips. "Bye. I love you"
   "I love you too. See you later" he says and walks away. I get in my car and close the door. I cover my face with my hands. It isn't going to be easy telling him Im gonna leave. Its just that, I love him so much and I don't know if I'll be able to let him go. How could I get over him? It seems impossible, and it is. He is the best person I have ever met. I swear I would give my life for him without thinking twice. I can not just leave. I can not let everything behind. When I moved here, I never thought I would be madly in love with my dad's co-worker's son, that at first seemed so casual and normal. Every second you spend with him, makes you love him more. I never knew what love really felt like, and now I know. While it is painful, it is also a desire, a pleasure.
     Love is a beautiful painful pleasure that slowly makes you go insane.
That is my definition of love.