Liam doesn't understand how much he has helped me. I had been so torn before and now I was more determined than ever to make things work with Adrian. He was right about one thing, I shouldn't have to compete for his love. He wanted me before this whole Selection started and if he truly wanted me then he should be willing to do almost anything, even canceling the Selection.
But me asking for him to cancel the Selection might be unfair. He and his parents have invested so much into it and we are so far into the competition. But then again we haven't even reached the dating stage where the remaining girls have to risk even more to win.
After my classes for the day, I paced around my room waiting for Adrian. I jumped up at the sound of a soft knock on the door, I practically ran to it only to find a boy dressed in a green uniform.
"Deianira Santiago?" The boy asked. I gaped at the grand bouquet of white and red roses and I knew who they were from.
"Uh yes," I responded awkwardly.
"These are for you. Where would you like them?"
"Over there on the table is fine."
I tipped the delivery boy on his way out and looked for the small card hidden in the bouquet.
"Bingo!" I pulled the card from the bottom of the bouquet and silently read the scribbled writing.
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I'm so sorry for the other night. I'm truly ashamed of the way I acted with you. You were right about everything though. I was stupid for not handling our situation better and because of it there are so many people that are being hurt. But I meant it when I said that I love you Deianira. You had my heart from the beginning.
The past few months have been gruesome, I've seen things that have made me change my view of this world. Being in a war only made me realize that there was only one thing that I wanted and that was you. I want you to be more than my mate, I want you to be my wife and the mother of my children. The thought of us reuniting when it was all done was what kept me going and I'm willing to give everything I gained if it meant that I get back what I lost with you.
I know you hate it when I'm in your head so I'll try to catch you around later. I hope you liked the flowers.
-Your Ride or Die
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I fought to hold back the tears that were welling up in my eyes. Why did he have to go and do this? How could I stay mad at him now when he poured out his heart and soul to me. I figured that the war had changed him when I thought about the way he acted last night. He was never such a jerk to me, even when he broke up with me months ago. Now I understood what it was.
When I heard a soft rapping on the door I quickly wiped my eyes with the back of my hand and answered the door.
"Hey, are you okay? I came as soon as I could." Adrian walked inside and pulled me into a tight hug.
"To tell you the truth, I'm just...so torn up." I look up at him, watching as his bright green eyes analyzed me.
"Come on. Talk to me."
I sigh and take a seat at the edge of my bed. I didn't want to drag this out so I thought I'd just rip off the bandaid. "My mate is your cousin Liam."
Adrian looks down, suddenly more interested in his shoes. "I know."
What?
"What do you mean you know?" I asked.
"I put two and two together after last night. I saw the way he looked at you, and I also so the way you melted in his arms when he embraced you."
I didn't know whether to be relieved or scared. "So,what now? Are you going to send me away?"
"Hell no."
I wanted to smile, I swear I really did, but I was too confused. "B-but I belong to your cousin."
"He doesn't own you, no one owns you Deianira." He stepped closer and stroked my cheek.
"You are gold Deianira and I can't bring myself to let you go. Trust me, I've gone over it in my mind a million times now and each time I come to the same decision. But just because I won't let you go, doesn't mean that you can't leave."
I wanted to pull Adrian into my arms and tell him that I would never leave, but my heart was having its own internal civil war.
"I know this is probably a dumb question to ask but I...I need to know."
"Ask." Adrian placed his hands on my hips, which made me a little dizzy. I hope he remembered that he can't get to close to me or I'll get sick.
"Do you love me?"
He freezes and I could see his muscles tense, but he didn't break eye contact with me. "Deianira I, I can't say that I love you. But I can tell you that what I feel for you is pretty damn close to it. I've been trying to hold all the see feelings back because I'm so afraid that I can't have you. I don't want to face another heartbreak. I don't think I could handle it."
In that moment I understood exactly what he meant. Liam was trying to make amends now,but it didn't mean that he wouldn't do something in the future that would hurt me just as bad.
"I feel the same, and I'm torn now. I can't tell you that I don't feel anything for Liam but I don't think I want to be bonded to him." I admitted. Adrian sighed and looked down at the ground before looking me in the eye once more.
"You can't have us both Deianira. You have 3 weeks to make that decision. I want you to at least get your certificate for the classes you're taking now. Then if you don't want to stay, I'll send you home."
"I don't want to have to compete for your love Adrian. I shouldn't have even stooped so low in the first place. But I'm not desperate. I don't need you or Liam. But the both of you need to prove to me, that I'm all you want because right now, I'm not believing either of you."
Adrian smirked and stepped back. "I can't cancel the competition for you and you know that."
"No, but you can cut out Stage 3 and choose a winner after these three weeks." I tilted my head as I watch Adrian consider the idea.
"I could."
"And I'll definitely take the education seriously but I'm not going to do it for you. I'm doing it for myself." I smile and walk over to my bed.
Adrian's smile faded and the room remained dead silent for a moment. "If I choose you Deianira, you're going to have to reject Liam and it's going to hurt beyond reason."
"I understand."
"No, I don't think you do. You have already begun the bonding process with Liam."
"What?"
Adrian rubs his temples before clasping his hands together. "Has he hugged you?"
"Yes."
"Kiss?"
"Yes."
"Slept in the same room or bed?"
"Yes."
"Do you love him?"
I hesitated, and Adrian already knew what it meant.
"Then you are already partially bound to him. That means that breaking that natural bond is going to be one hell of a risk, especially because he's a purebred Alpha." Adrian frowned and paused before walking towards the door.
"What are you not telling me?"
"At this point the Separation could possibly kill you, unless he's the one to release you. And you and I both know that there is no way in hell that is happening at least, not without luck and a whole lot of persuasion.."
Adrian left leaving me alone to my thoughts. I needed to honestly weigh my options so I made a list of pros and cons.
So far Adrian and Liam were even, which frustrated me even more. I needed another way to narrow down my decision, and I had no idea how.
It took me nearly a week to finally regain the stability I lost when Liam railroaded me. I spoke to him yesterday and I told him that I was going to stay and finish up my classes which he had no objection to at all. Then Adrian came along and greeted the both of us with a warmth that I found scary. If Adrian and I hadn't talked about the current situation already I wouldn't be able to tell that Adrian was feeling a strong resentment towards Liam. He was acting as if he had no clue, and he was doing a pretty good job of it too.
"Have you finished the homework for Greenburg already?" Marilyn asked, interrupting my deep thoughts.
"No, I was just about to get started but I kind of feel...overwhelmed."
"I get what you mean, things are getting pretty intense around here and these classes are a lot more challenging than I thought." She admitted as she opened up her textbook.
"It'll all be worth it though. We'll be able to qualify for a number of jobs with the certificate." I grabbed a Twix bar from my backpack and toss it over to her, which she caught effortlessly.
" Have you talked to Adrian lately?"
"I-well, yeah. I kind of ran into him and his cousin yesterday at the park. I was out for a jog." I stammered. It was hard not to tell Marilyn about what was really going on. I mean she was the closest thing to a best friend that I ever had, yet I couldn't disclose the events of the last few weeks. I couldn't risk it.
"Oh yeah, you know his cousin is really sweet. I met him thursday night when Adrian took me to his pool party." I froze, as I realized what she had just said. Marilyn had dropped a bomb on me, in such a light and casual way.
I heard Adrian taking out a few of the girls. Some for quiet walks, others for quick breakfast and lunch. But he hadn't spent any time with any of them for more than an hour really. Now that I remember, Marilyn had told me that she was going out to study at the cafe since she was tired of being cooped up in the room and I fell asleep a little while later before she returned.
"You never told me that he invited you to a pool party. You told me you were going to the café." I didn't meet her eyes, not wanting her to see the jealousy in them.
"Well I ran into him on my way back from the café. It was almost ten and he was on his way there. When he saw me he just kind of sprung the invitation on me. I figured it definitely couldn't hurt you know?"
"Yeah, sure."
"Oh come on. It was just a stupid party with a few of his buddies, although I did see Franco and the girl that came as you guest- ah what was her name? Oh yes! Ruby! That's the one."
I rolled my eyes and suddenly became really interested in my textbook. I've been avoiding Ruby foe days, not knowing what I should do or say about what I overheard in the hospital. I had been so focused on my situation with Liam and Adrian that I had almost forgotten.
"Fine, be that way then. You know, I don't act like this when Adrian asks you to go places with him or you guys are having your little secret talks." She was clearly angry now, and I didn't really care. I wasn't in the mood to argue.
I stayed silent, which only infuriated Marilyn more. She hated feeling ignored, but I wasn't going to add fuel to the fire by denying my secret meetings with Adrian. Besides, I was more afraid that I would say something I would regret.
Things we're starting to look bleak again. Marilyn and I had just had a falling out, while things between Liam and Adrian were as complicated as ever and I found out that one other person I had gotten close to was not the person I clearly thought she was.
But I had to grow up and figure these things out, I didn't want to feel so weighed down anymore.
So I closed my eyes and silently prayed for a sign, anything that would point me in the right direction.
And when I opened my eyes, my eyes instantly landed on the vase of flowers that Liam had given to me and next to it was a small envelope that I hadn't even noticed.
I picked it up and saw that it was another letter from Liam.
Nira,
I'm sorry for being part of the reason you feel so pressured and overwhelmed. I'm even more sorry that I can't help relieve your stress in the ways that I know how. I'll be leaving soon, and I wish that you'd come back with me but I'll just have to wait, even if it's slowly killing me.
I ran into Ruby the other day, and she was looking very sick. I stopped to talk to her, and she asked me about you. I found this odd since Ruby had been your guest, and she explained to me that you guys weren't talking. I don't know why you're all of a sudden upset with her but it seems unfair to just go off on someone who has been your friend for years, even more so now that you became an omega.
Good friends are hard to come by these days, and even family- as I'm sure you know already- can't be completely trusted. So the good ones you do have you need to keep close. I think you owe her an explanation for your odd behavior.
Hopefully you two can work things out. You'll have time, since she's going to be staying here for now on. She just got her pack transfer approved.
-Your Ride or Die
P.S. I'm keeping an eye out for you. Nothing brightens up my day more than the sight of you.
I rolled my eyes at how incredibly cheesy he was being. But he was right, I definitely needed to talk to Ruby. Talking to her would certainly take a lot of weight off my shoulders and I'll be able to focus more on school and making my final decision.
Since I knew that there was no way I'd get anything done that night I got ready for bed and anticipated the dreadful conversation I was going to have.