I'm scared of...
[Name] laughed happily as her red headed boyfriend swung her around in a circle, his arms banded around her hips. This was their two year anniversary and all [Name] had wanted to do with Renji was spend time with him without having to worry about them being interrupted. Renji laughed when he heard [Name]'s laughter in his ears, stopping and sitting her down on a nearby bench.
"Aw Renji! Why did you stop spinning me around?" she asked with a giggle, holding her head on both sides. "Woah. That made me dizzy!" she said, laughing and holding her side. Renji grinned and sat down next to her, wrapping his arm around her shoulders and pulling her to his side. Looking over at her, he kissed her temple gently, causing her to smile softly at him.
"I'm glad you're having fun [Name]," Renji said gently, looking down at her in sudden concern. "You aren't feeling tired, are you?" he asked her, concerned for her health. [Name] sighed, looking up at him with a dull expression on her face. "Renji, I'm sick, not incapable. I'm fine," she stated. She knew that he was only concerned about her getting worse or getting too tired, but she really was fine for now. "I would tell you if I got tired," she stated, leaning back over against him.
Renji looked down at her, his brow creasing in confusion. He couldn't tell if she was telling the truth or lying just to make him feel better. "We should've just stayed in today," he muttered.
[Name] pouted and moved away, staring over at him. "Please don't do that Renji! I told you that I'm fine. I'm not tired or anything like that. Don't turn this into a big deal," she pleaded with him.
"But it is a big deal [Name]," he stated, sitting up straight and looking over at her. "You have c-"
"Don't say it!" [Name] yelled at him, jumping up and crossing her arms over her stomach, pacing in front of him. Renji stared sadly up at his girlfriend as she paced in front of him. [Name] had been diagnosed with a rare form of cancer almost three months ago and had been undergoing treatments for it for a while now. The treatments made her weak and sick, but the doctors said that they should work.
"I'm sorry [Name]," he said softly, standing up and pulling her into his arms, trying to calm her down. On top of her cancer, she had terrible anxiety issues, which was why Renji didn't really try to argue with her a whole lot. [Name] sighed, resting her head on his chest and wrapping her arms around his waist.
"It's alright Renji. I just... I really hate that word," she mumbled against his shirt, suddenly getting exhausted and sagging against him. Renji noticed this and he sighed, bending down and putting his arm behind her knees, lifting her up and holding her against his chest. "Come on. Let's get you home so that you can rest," he said softly, turning and walking down the street towards her home.
▁▂▃ Realizing and coming to terms... ▃▂▁
"How are you feeling?" Renji asked gently, rubbing his thumb over the back of [Name]'s hand. The white walls made her skin look washed out, made her look even sicker than she actually was. [Name] looked up at Renji and smiled weakly, trying to tighten her fingers around Renjis hand to comfort him.
"I'm feeling fine Renji," she stated. "Better than yesterday at least," she said.
"That's because you got your treatment done yesterday," Renji muttered, reaching to run a hand through what little hair [Name] had left. Smiling, she shut her [color] eyes and leaned into his hand. "Will you brush it again for me?" she asked softly, peeling open one of her eyes to stare over at him.
"Are you strong enough to be sitting? The doctor said-"
"I'm fine enough to sit up Renji. Besides, they'll come to feed me soon, so I'll have to get up anyways," she said softly. Renji contemplated what she had asked of him for a few more seconds before sighing and nodding. "Alright," he stated, standing up and helping her sit up, reaching to press the button on the side of the bed that would lift it up so that she could rest back against it.
"There," he stated, smiling when he saw the happy look on [Name]'s face. Reaching down into the bag that he always kept with him, he pulled out the soft hairbrush that he brought for her and stood next to the head of the bed. [Name] smiled happily and began to hum, closing her eyes as Renji stroked the brush through her hair. She didn't have all that much left anymore, but Renji still thought that she was the most beautiful woman he'd laid eyes on.
Three strokes later and he was done, but he kept on going. He liked to let himself grab onto the false hope that she would get better soon and her hair would all grow back the way that it used to be, [color], long and very soft.
"You can stop now Renji," [Name] said softly and the red haired man nodded, sitting back and putting the brush back in his bag. He blinked when he saw [Name] patting her lap and he laid his head there. [Name] smiled and began to run her fingers through Renjis ponytail. Renji squeezed his eyes shut tightly, exhausting and scary emotions soon over-running his mind. He would give up all of the hair on his head, would even be bald like Ikkaku was, just to give her the chance to have her own hair back.
"Renji, what's wrong?" [Name] asked softly, looking down at him. Renji shook his head, keeping his face hidden from her as he reached up and wiped at the tears in his eyes. "It's nothing, [Name]."
The young girl smiled, knowing that Renji was lying because she had felt him crying against her legs, but she wouldn't question him about it. "I love you, you big teddy bear," she said teasingly. Renji lifted his head and smiled, leaning over to press his lips against hers. "I love you as well [Name]," he said with a smile before returning his head to where it had been.
▁▂▃ With the fact that... ▃▂▁
Renji stared down at the shiny cherry wood casket that was closed in front of him, his hands stuffed deep into his tuxedo pants' pockets. A frown marred his face, along with red eyes and tear lines. Why did [Name] have to be taken away from him like she had? Everyone had thought she'd been doing so well and yet one morning, Renji woke up and she was gone, having died in the night. It wasn't fair. Clenching his hands tight into fists, he shut his eyes tightly. Her funeral was over, but a few people had stayed behind to console one another and watch them lower her into the ground.
Renji was one of those people and he was glad that no one else had tried approaching him yet. He didn't think that he would be able to handle anyone coming up to him right now. He would probably burst into tears at their first word about her. He could still see [Name]'s shiny [color] eyes and her bright smile, the way her face had looked the night before she died. She had told Renji over and over again that she had loved him that night and it made Renji wonder If she knew that her time had come.
A sudden hand on his shoulder brought Renji out of his reverie and he turned to look at the one who had placed their hand on him. Ichigo was looking at him in concern, the orange haired boys own eyes red from all of the crying he'd done as well. [Name] had been Ichigos best friend since grade school and the one she spent the most time with, even more than Renji.
"Are you alright Renji?" Ichigo asked, causing an immediate reaction in the red head. Renjis eyes teared up and he began to cry once again as he shook his head. Ichigo wrapped his arms around Renji in a brotherly and comforting hug, trying to keep himself from crying by squeezing his brown eyes shut tightly.
"Why her Ichigo? Why did she have to be the one to get sick and die?" Renji moaned against Ichigos shoulder as Ichigo rubbed Renjis back.
"I don't know Renji... There are something's that we just can't control," Ichigo mumbled out, trying to console his friend.
"It should've been me," Renji stated through his tears. Ichigo immediately began to shake his head. "No. You know that [Name] wouldn't have wanted you thinking that way," Ichigo stated.
Renji sighed, pulling away from Ichigo and turning to look back at [Name]'s casket, knowing that Ichigo was right. This all seemed so surreal, like it was just a dream that he would soon wake up from. Unfortunately, Renji knew that wasn't true. Ichigo put his hand back on Renjis shoulder, making the other man look at him. "Come on. It's going to start raining soon and they need to finish up here. And you don't need to be caught out in the rain. We can come and visit her tomorrow if you want to," Ichigo stated sadly.
Renji nodded and he turned to follow Ichigo to the car. There was an aching in his chest that he knew was caused by the fact that his entire world had been ripped from him arms by something that he couldn't control. Before he got into the car, he looked over his shoulder one last time. 'I love you [Name]', he thought sadly, before getting in and shutting out everything else as Ichigo drove off.
I'm losing you.