9-28-15
His hand slowly caresses her arms, up to her shoulders, slightly nipping at the skin of her neck, before smiling playfully.
"Stop." She complains, but he continues. "Ugh, you're such a pain."
"But you love me," He teases, "Unfortunately," She says back, earning another nip at the firm skin of her exposed shoulder.
She knew this wouldn't last long.
Or at least that's what she's been told.
But the stubbornness in her begged to differ.
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"Euphoria," Daniel suddenly blurted out.. It made her wonder.
"Euphoria?" She questions, knowing what the term precisely meant, but curious as to why Daniel chirped the word out of the blue. "Are you on drugs?!" She shrieks in realization.
"What? Heck no!" He defends, looking at her in pure disbelief. "Baby, you know I don't like those things," He frowns.
"But why say euphoria out of nowhere?"
"I don't know......... that's how I feel when I'm with you." He says sheepishly, showing off a million dollar smile.
"As long as you're not on drugs.... okay."
"You're enough to get me addicted. I don't need no damn heroin."
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"I knew it." She whispered in disappointment.
The sight before her, hurt her eyes so bad, but also made her heart clench and break into pieces.
Daniel..... with another girl...... a pregnant woman..... and they looked incredibly happy.
As she was about to walk away, she saw Daniel's gaze to her and he froze. That was enough evidence for her theories to be proved right.
He runs to her. "Baby," he exasperates, eyes pleading. "I knew you would do this," she whispers, now more loudly. "I knew you would cheat on me. I knew you would hurt me."
"Baby----"
"But I trusted your words when you told me you won't. I trusted you with all my heart and all I get is this in return....... I trusted you even though everyone told me I shouldn't. I trusted you without even thinking about it......... Even though I knew you would just break me....."
"I gave you the chance to break me.......... and you did. Badly.... I thought you wouldn't......"
"Everything was a fad, right? All those flowery words? All those good night calls? All those sweet texts?"
"I thought you'd prove me wrong...... I thought you'd do everything to make it clear that what everyone told me wasn't true......"
His head bows as he sighed. She took it as another sign of approval, that all she said was the truth, he hid from her.
And it hurts.......... more than she can bear.
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"This is for the best, ma," Her mom's sobs grew louder as she took a step. "Don't go, sweetie,"
"I'm sorry," she whispers, teary eyed, before walking forth.
Behind her, a few feet away, was a man watching, slowly losing himself as she walked further and further, until she was not in his sight anymore.
And he cried.
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"She's back..." He says in realization.
The mere presence of her was enough to make him clammy.
Beads of sweat trickled down his face, the pressure arose from within as his hands shook in anticipation.
Every breath he took wasn't really able to supply him the strength he needed to walk away.
"J," A voice called out, "Jerill said he wants some McDonalds."
His heart started beating faster. "McDonalds?!" He asks, momentarily fazed as he imagined the scene that could take place later.
"Can't we just...." He was determined, not wanting another scene that caused absolute pain for him, in a matter of years.
"Please?" But the little guy pleaded. And so he obliged.
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"Ma, look at that girl over there. She's so beautiful." His face turned red when he looked to see who Jerill was pointing to.
He kept mum. "I'll just have some fries."
"Okay."
"She's so pretty." Jerill gushes while tugging on his shirt.
"She is." Was all he could say.
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"DJ?" That too familiar voice made him bit his lower lip. Desperately trying to fight the urge to do something he's been longing to do. Ever since.
"Hi," He croaks. Heaving, he gives a shaky smile.
"You know her?!" The little lad jumps at him, excitedly.
"Hi!" He shrieks once again.
"Hello little fella!" Kathryn says back with equal enthusiasm.
"I gotta go. Bye! It was nice seeing you again, DJ." She smiles and his heart melted.
His eyes automatically followed the path she was taking, carefully watching her every move.
But she was soon in the arms of another man. He blinks after another, waiting for the sight to go away, but it won't. It won't ever go.
Because that was the reality he had to live in. The reality he had to accept.
And he cried. Again. Like he does every time.
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"I still don't get your reason as to why you didn't talk to Kathryn." Her brows perked at the mention of her name.
'Oh come on Kathryn. Like you're the only one with that name.'
She shrugs it off.
"Why would I?" A tired, strained voice answered back. She was too sure. It was Daniel's.
"Because you have to talk."
"No. We don't have to talk."
"You do!"
"I can't talk to her like it's nothing to me! I can't talk to her because I'll end up saying things that'll probably make her hate me.......... I can't talk to her...... I can't give her more headaches....... she's had enough of me."
Confused, she followed them. Making sure to hide herself under the rack of clothes.
"But still, you can't live like this...." She stands on her toes, trying to take a peak.
"But I've lived like this for so long." He reasons out, frowning slightly. "Eh whatever! You're so annoying. If it weren't for Jerill, I would've left you by now!"
Jerill...... their son?
She looked at the girl's expression, there was nothing but pure humor evidently sprawled on her features.
"But you love me," she teases, "Dear cousin!"
"There's a thin line between love and hate. Ugh. Why was I even related to a freak like you." She smacks his arm playfully.
"Unca! Unca!" The tiny voice called out, the sound of squeaky shoes soon echoed sharply inside the premises.
Cousin? Unca? Bowing her head down, she felt the guilt flood in her. She felt ridiculously low for not listening, for not giving him the chance to explain to his defense. But he never ran after her.
She watched as Daniel picked the little boy up, accentuating a perfect father figure. "But I still have this little guy with me because of you. So I guess that's okay...." he shrugs.
A sight she surely wanted to see, something she didn't want to miss for the world.
In her perspective, it was the scene she'd like to witness, with the fruit of their love.
That is, If their love had any more chances, that was possible to grab.
She ends up on her feet again, heaving a few sighs, realizing how stupid her actions were. It didn't matter to her anymore. She's happy, she moved on with her life......... but was she only fooling herself?
Aloof, she wearily steps out of the racks. Only to see 2 pairs of eyes watching her intently. The little boy was squirming, wiggling free from Daniel's arms before running off. She shrugged it off again.
But the way his eyes looked at her, was slowly killing her inside.
His eyes were filled with longing, pain, and tears.
He turns his back, shoulders slightly rising, before turning halfway again. She wasn't blind, she also didn't have poor eyesight. But all of a sudden, she wished she was.
She can't stand the evident tears falling from his eyes.
"I'm gonna go after Jerill...." he says lowly, before slyly smiling. ".... See you around, Kath."
But deep inside, he wanted that moment to be the last time to see her, in front of him, where she was a few feet away, she is just within his reach.
Because next time, he won't be able to stop himself.
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She ran after him.
"Wait." She croaks out, "..... Tell me the truth..."
He still had his back turned from her. He still didn't want to talk to her.
"I can't......."
She stood stunned with his reply. "...... It'll be too much for you..... I...."
"You what?"
"........ I just can't...... it's...... it's too complicated....... too much to handle......... and I don't want to take a risk again....... I don't want to mess up everything you have now..... because really, it's not that worth it......"
"You don't have to know....... just pretend like this never happened...... just pretend like what you've thought of years from now were all true.... like I really cheated on you...... just hate me......"
How could he? She felt tears well up as he now turns to her.
"It's better if I hurt you now, at least the pain could heal..... if I hurt you in the future, it'll be much worse, and I can't let you experience that..... not ever."
"Just let go of the past...... it shouldn't matter anymore, Kath....."
"But its killing me inside......"
He remains silent....... but not for long.
"May 2nd, 20**, Jenny called me, crying. She told me that she was pregnant, she told her ex, but he claimed that he wasn't the father... She also told her parents the same day, fortunately, they were human enough to accept their grandchild........ But they wanted her to marry the guy who got her pregnant."
"Scared , she runs away...... and I let her live in my apartment...... of course, I was the only one she could run to... and I can't fathom the idea of her and the baby suffering..."
"Her parents contacted me, telling me they wanted her back, that she won't force her to marry her ex anymore, so I gave her back...... that time, our relationship was slowly drifting off, I wanted to give up, I wanted to let you go, but I was too selfish to do so......" He heaves a sigh, pausing for a while.
"The day after that, she comes running back..... I was worried for her health, and of course the baby's, so I just decided to not let her parents reach her again...."
"July 5th, that was the day you saw me with her........ I froze not because I was guilty for cheating on you......... I froze because I was found guilty of lying to you........" His voice was shaky, and so was he.
"The guilt, the pain, the agony........ all at the same time......"
"It made me realize that you didn't deserve that....... you don't deserve the lies........ you don't deserve being lied to...... you don't deserve me..... a person who had the guts to lie to the only girl he's ever loved........"
"...... so I didn't run after you...... I wanted to, so bad........ because I can't lose you......"
"..... But I had to lose you........ because that's for the best....... and all I've ever wanted was to give you the best......." That was when his voice cracked slightly.
He wiped the tears away. "That's all I wanted, Kath...... to give you the best....... and it turns out, you were your best without me........ you were better off without me....... And it hurts, so bad....... just like you, it's killing me inside....... having you around me is killing me so much, I never thought the pain could get this mad........ It hurts to see you so close...."
"But you know what? You're the kind of pain I want to feel. You're the kind of poison I want to take, even if it costs my own life. You're the habit I'd still do over and over again even if I'm getting endless heartaches. You're the sight I wanted to see even if the sight of you was ripping my heart into pieces. And it sucks to feel this way, knowing I can't do anything about it anymore. It sucks to feel this way because I know I don't deserve you. It sucks because I just can't help but want you, and I want you to feel the same......" She bows her head, almost breaking down completely.
"..... I won't ever let you feel the same...... I don't want you to be like this.... Do you see how broken I am? Do you see how I'm shattered into pieces? I'm all crooked and bruised......... and I can't ever forgive myself if I saw you in the same state......... I'm taking all the pain for you, I'm taking all the heartaches for you, because I can't bear to see you in so much pain......."
He turns to look at her, tried hard to at least show a fake smile. "So I'm begging you, just forget everything you found out, forget that our paths ever crossed again....... please.... Don't take it into consideration or don't think of it as if it matters......."
"I hope you find peace in your heart, Kath. I wish you all the best, all the love you deserve. I wish I was good enough, but even if I can give you all that I had, it won't ever be enough....... maybe someone can love you better than I do, but no one will ever love you more than me...... I love you, Kath....... so much......"
"This is goodbye. Please, take care of yourself.."
And he walked away.
No one but himself knew how much he wanted to just give in, just let himself be happy.
But he could never be happy if her own happiness was at risk.
He wanted to look at her again, but her tears would make him break down so hard.
He still turned.
Her standing figure was still there. She had her head bowed down, and it almost broke him to pieces as he saw how her knees wobbled. How her shoulders shook. How her hands covered her reddening face.
He couldn't take it.
He found himself walking back. He wanted to stop...... but he couldn't.
It wasn't too long until her sobs came clear.
He found his arms carelessly wrapped around her.
He lets go of the fears. He wasn't afraid anymore. He needed to be strong. For Kathryn. All for Kathryn....
"I love you." Was all he said. Now, her own arms wrapped securely around him. He kept soothing her, trying to calm her down.
"I love you, I love you so much. I'm sorry if I'm a coward..... I'm sorry for hurting you. I'm so sorry. I love you." He peppered her head with soft kisses. He felt the contentment.
"Hold on...... please...... don't let go...... not again....... I'm giving you the trust I failed to give............. please don't let go." His heart clenched as those words slipped from her.
He knew to himself that he can't ever let go of her, not again. It would cause him his very own death.
"I won't."
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"NO! STOP!" She shrieks as she ran away from him, her giggles trailing.
He caught her and he began tickling her sides. "AH! DANIEL! STOP STOP!" Her laughs carved a huge smile on his face. She desperately tried to wiggle free from his touch. "AAAAAH! LET ME GO!"
He stopped. More like, He froze. Thoughts clouded his mind. She didn't mean that, He assured himself.
She was still laughing slightly. She poked his cheek. "Hey."
"I can't do that."
"Huh?"
"I promised, right? I promised I won't ever let go. I don't intend to break that promise,"
Her smile made it all better. He heaved a sigh. "You don't mean it, right?"
He waited. "........ Kath."
"I don't. I won't. I shouldn't. I can't........." He took it as a strong yes.
"Good." He kisses her forehead, "Because I'm never gonna let you go........... unless you're not happy with---" she kisses him.
"I am happy. You don't know how happy I am right now, DJ. You don't know how happy you make me...... and I'm confident enough to tell you that this? This won't ever fade....... you're my happiness, DJ."
Hearing those words from her took all of his breath away. And a second later, a tear rolled down his cheek.
He cried again..... but not because of pain....... he was too happy right then and there. He hugged her tight, not wanting to let go, afraid of losing her again.
"I love you." Was all he could say to her. His heart thumped wildly against his chest, it almost hurt, but he was too happy to even notice it.
"I'm so happy right now," he admits, "I'm afraid this will all be taken away from me again....... from us......... from you....... I can take it, but not you, God no please......."
She inched closer to him, like he was too far away, when their faces were not more than two inches apart. "No one...."
"No one can ever take this from us again...... let's just believe in each other, tell nothing but the plain truth, hold on when there's nothing to hold on to...... you promised me that you won't ever let go again, please don't break that promise......"
"But it's a whole new different story if you're not happy anymore. I walked back to you that day not only because I wanted my happiness back, it's more of I wanted to give you yours back..... I love you so much........"
She frowns lightly, "Again, I told you. This won't ever fade......."
A second chance. It may be a few years late, but to them? It's never too late. It will never be too late.
Trust, something they may have risked on their first chance. Something they failed to offer more so. But now, they knew better than to ignore those little things.
They won't let go. Not again. Because for the second time around, they knew, this would last forever.
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Sorry ngayon lang, medyoooow stress kasi po. HAHAHAHAHA kakatapos ko lang mag program. (My Gods)
LOVE IS SWEETER THE SECOND TIME AROUND. Don't be afraid to take chances, because really, some only come once in a lifetime.
But if it's meant to be, there will always be a way. Love will lead you baaaaack.
Pag nawala to sa Library or reading list niyo, kapag mahal niyo ako- este ang gawa ko at ang KathNiel ng tunay, e makikita at makikita niyo parin to. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
GRABE ALMOST 36K READS HIHI KILIG MUCH. THANK YOU MWA.