SONG FOR THIS CHAPTER: SMALL BUMP by ED SHEERAN (Again sorry haha it just fucks me up)
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H A R R Y
"Ahhhh!" Caroline squeezes my hand painfully hard as she pushes in the hospital bed. After seeing Eleanor unexpectedly give birth on the floor of Lucy's living room, we decided to take extra precautions and booked multiple appointments at the private hospital Lucy's mum, Clara, works at.
It has been a hectic eight months. Lucy lent me Marcel's old parenting handbooks and shit so I was up all night for the past week highlighting and jotting down key information. I also asked Tucker to stitch my soon-to-arrive child a little jumper or something as a 'welcome to the outside world' gift. After Caroline would fall asleep, I would talk to her baby bump every night. I'm hoping she never noticed...
Even as a pregnant woman, Caroline Ann Weston is and always will be the most beautiful person I've ever seen in my whole life. I can say she's gotten even more beautiful; her body a bit more fleshier, her hips wider and her round stomach curving out. Sure, she's gotten moodier too but that's normal. She'd get upset over little things and have weird cravings. She even nagged me for whipped cream-dipped hot dogs at two am before...
"One last push, dear, just one more." Sweat is rolling down Caroline's tear-soaked red face as she glances at me. I stroke the top of her head and give her a kiss of reassurance on the forehead. My hand is latched firmly in hers as she pushes hard, screaming at the top of her lungs. Her grip on me loosens when another soft, high-pitched cry fills the air. Caroline falls back limply onto the bed, her chests rising and lowering as she closes her eyes.
I divert my stare to the foot of the bed where the doctor holds the tiny being up and smiles. "Congratulations, you have yourselves a baby boy." The room is swimming in my eyes, my vision clouding with tears. I look over to Caroline again with a single laugh of overwhelming joy but she is exhausted and halfway passed out. A tear slips down the side of her face as she smiles weakly.
I see the doctor's mouth moving but no words are audible to me at this time. A dazed and confused look crosses my face. "Pardon?"
"I said, sir, would you like to cut your son's umbilical cord?" The woman in the white coat speaks more loudly and clearly this time, still holding the squirming, dirty baby. For a second there, I dumbly shove my hands in my pockets with a blank mind but then blink furiously, reality fading into me again.
"Y-Yeah," I choke out, laughing awkwardly, "I'd love to." The doctor nods at Clara, who grabs a pair of small operation scissors and hands them to me. I lean over to gently snap the cord, still hearing the gasps and the cries of the baby.
I hand the scissors back to Clara and the doctor takes the baby away in a blanket. They disappear behind the bluish-green hospital curtains. Lucy's mum walks over to Caroline and adjusts the tubes attached to her arms, checking the heart monitor.
"Congratulations, Harry, you're a father now." She smiles at me, now in the process of changing the water bag.
"Thank you," I respond politely, "It's kind of hard to believe though."
"Don't worry, you'll get use to it." Clara laughs softly before yanking the curtains open and walking out. After she's gone, I breathe in and out heavily. So many doubts begin to fill my mind. Furrowing my eyebrows, I fist my hair and mutter under my breath.
"Harry?" I quickly look back to see Caroline speaking in barely a whisper. I'm surprised to see that she hasn't fallen asleep yet.
"I thought you would be tired, why are you still awake?"
Caroline smiles weakly, her eyes closing but opening after a short second. "I don't want to fall asleep before getting a chance to hold the baby for the first time." Her smile is contagious when my laugh now turns into a soft cry. I lean down and kiss Caroline's cold forehead.
"Hey, what's wrong?" She rasps quietly, trying to pick her hand up and place it on my head but I touch it, telling her to keep it rested. She's gone through so much pain already. "Why are you crying, Harriet?" Her attempt to make a joke makes me smile. I shake my head. "Come on, I know you like acting as if you're okay but the truth is- you can never really hide your weaknesses."
Damn. She's right.
"I-I'm just afraid." I admit, closing my eyes, "I'm afraid of being a bad father to our son. I don't want to end up being like mine." The words pour from my mouth like it was a constant worry haunting me. Caroline takes her cold hand and cups my cheek.
"Listen to me. You are nothing like your father and never will be," She says in a soft, yet firm tone, "I know for sure that you will be an amazing dad." Tears fall from my eyes like a waterfall.
Man up, Harold, not even the lady that gave birth is bawling her eyes out like you are, my subconscious says.
The curtain divider pulls open again and a nurse walks in, holding a tiny little blanket wrapped bundle in her hands. I wipe my eyes and nose with haste before the nurse sees me. "Ms. Weston, Mr. Styles, here is your child."
I watch as the nurse pushes a button on the bed, causing it fold up. Caroline is halfway sitting up.
The baby is carefully set in her arms and near her chest. Caroline cradles him like he's her most prized possession as she looks down at it with such care. Her eyes fill up with tears while her lips form a smile. She leans in to kiss his small forehead. "Hi, I'm your mummy."
I wrap my arms around Caroline and she looks up at me. "He's beautiful, isn't he?"
"I don't know, he kind of looks like a potato." Saying this is a big mistake. Caroline scowls at me playfully.
"Don't call our little prince a potato, he's handsome and charming- just like his dad." I grin before leaning in to kiss Caroline's lips. Afterwards, I place a kiss on the tip of the baby's tender nose as well. If I could take this scene and keep it forever, it'd be the perfect polaroid. Our baby boy, Caroline and I.
We are a family now.
I finally come to a conclusion after several minutes of silent speculation. "Wow, he has your eyes." Caroline simply laughs at my sudden statement.
"Harry, he's asleep right now," She runs her thumb softly over the baby's cheek, "You haven't even seen his eyes yet."
"I know, I can just tell by the outline." I squint my eyes as I stare at the eyelids of my napping son.
"Right..." Caroline trails off, adjusting her hold on the baby. I lean in a little closer to admire him, making me feel like a curious child all over again. I feel the soft cotton of the baby's white side snap shirt grazing my skin when my hand touches his stomach. Unexpectedly, he reflexes his arm and grabs onto my thumb with his small hand. I stifle a soft laugh, looking over at Caroline. She watches as I close my eyes and pepper a kiss on my son's tiny fist.
"What do you want to name him?" I ask Caroline, letting the baby hold onto thumb tightly.
"I don't know..."
"I was thinking maybe Jake, or Aidan, or Chase, or maybe even Riv-" I hear Caroline mumble something quietly so I stop myself from speaking. "Hm?"
"Marcel." She speaks louder this time, looking me straight in the eye. "Marcel Harry Styles." I give her a happy nod before looking down at the baby sleeping soundly, slowly pressing my lips gently against his soft, small ear.
"Marcel." I whisper, "You're so perfect." The baby lets out a small high pitched grunt.
"Do you want to hold him, Harry?" Caroline asks me and I nod. She smiles as she carefully places Marcel in my arms. I gaze down at the tiny baby in my hold, cradling him.
"He looks just like his daddy when he's sleeping." Caroline points out smiling, looking at Marcel who's curled up against me- mouth open and softly snoring. I place a kiss on his tummy, grinning, and notice that his toes are curling from under the small socks.
"Your mummy is crazy," I tell Marcel quietly and making sure Caroline can't hear. "You look like her when you sleep. I'm always sprawled out, she's the one that curls up." I lean my head down to graze my nose with Marcel's tiny button-like one.
It's crazy how your life could change so quickly. One day your world is filled with random chicks who come and go and you don't even remember their names or anything about them the next day. But the next, you have a loving girlfriend and a son that you promise to hold onto.
"Mummy and daddy loves you so much, okay?" I plant small kisses on both of Marcel's closed eyes. Everything about this feels so right. Like it was meant to be that I- out of all the carefree guys in the world- would be the one to provide such love for this baby.
I turn back to look at Caroline. A small smile appears onto my face when I see that she is fast asleep.
~•~
Caroline and Marcel are discharged from the hospital two days later. Sometimes I get emotional over the fact that Care wanted to name our son Marcel. It's almost as if my brother, Marcel is looking out for me.
And this time I promise I won't let go.
"Hey guys, we're back!" Caroline calls out as she walks through the door. I'm right behind her with Marcel sleeping snuggly in the carseat. He cries like the world is ending, that's for sure, but for now I'm grateful that he hasn't woken up yet.
"Heyyy where's the new edition?" Lucy asks as she hugs Caroline. No one could visit at the hospital because of it being in Mightera's territory. We kept Caroline's delivery there a secret.
"Right here." I say, setting the carseat down and readjust the blanket that's wrapping Marcel's small body. I notice that his small blue eyes look around curiously as he lays in the seat. "Wow, he's awake and still quiet." Caroline leans down and takes Marcel out, smiling at him.
"My little little cute boy is looking around," She coos at him, "You're looking around like, 'Where are we, mummy, where is this new place?' "
Niall walks over to me and engulfs me in a hug. "Congrats, mate, and wow I've never seen Care like this before." I laugh along after giving him thanks.
"Everyone, meet Marcel Harry Styles." Caroline announces and I see Lucy's mouth go wide. She grins at us, and moves closer to get a better look at the baby.
"Aw, he's adorable." Lucy says, stroking the top of Marcel's hair. It's visible now that he's got sun-streaked auburn hair but there's no doubt that one day it'll curl and darken into the same shade of my hair. I notice Darcy is standing behind Lucy, peeking out from behind her skirt.
"Hey, Darc." I crouch down and ruffle her hair, "Don't you want to see your new cousin?"
"You have a new favourite now." She huffs quietly, turning away from me. "You'll forget all about me." I smile lightly before placing my hand on her scrawny shoulder.
"No Darc, that's not true at all." I laugh, "Marcel will be my favourite Prince but you'll always be my favourite princess." Darcy smiles and hugs me tightly.
"Forever?"
"Forever."
----
My eyes snap open when I hear Marcel cry from the crib. Looking over to the alarm clock, I see that it's two am. A sleepy grunt passes my mouth as I turn over to Caroline who's eyes also flutter open. She pulls the bedsheets off of her but I restrict her from getting up. Marcel's crib is right across the room so I go to check on him. He's squirming and crying in his duckling onesie. This is usually his mealtime.
"I'll go get his formula." I say.
"Are you sure? He needs to be breastfed." She croaks half asleep but I kiss her on the cheek and get up.
"Just this one time."
After quickly running down to get his milk, I come back to Marcel's crib with a bottle. I have to admit, being a dad is pretty god damn tiring. I've lost a lot of sleep too, coffee is the only way I reenergize. Opening the cap to the bottle, I scoop Marcel up in my arms and feed him.
Watching him drink his milk, I think it's utterly adorable how his mouth makes subtle, frequent sucking sounds. His blue eyes look straight at me, although they begin to fall closed when his bottle is halfway empty.
"Hey buddy," I say softly, rocking him in my arms. "I just want you to know that I'll always protect you. You have no care in the world as long as I'm with you." Marcel continues to drink as he curls up.
"You have the most amazing mother in the world too. You're so beautiful, just like her. You have every right to beat me up if I hurt her. But I can assure you- that will never happen." I promise him, whispering. "And Marcel? When you fall in love, you have to make sure that the girl you fall in love with is the right one for you. Don't ever lie to her like I did. It's not a good thing..."
"When you get older, I'll teach you how to play the guitar and write songs, okay? I'll also show you all my paintings and sketches and stuff." I don't know why I'm telling him all of this now, and he can probably not even understand a word I'm saying. But I know one thing for sure.
The moment Marcel's small blue eyes met mine, I put my entire future in him.
I lean down and kiss his soft forehead. He smells of freshness and baby powder. "I'll try and be the best dad I can, Marcel, don't you ever worry about being alone."