Z's POV
What am I even doing here?
I'm not supposed to be here.
I'm not supposed to come at patuloy na makipag-iwasan.
I was just staring blankly at the ceiling in my office nang puntahan ako ni Hanz at Drew.
"Dude, pack up and let's go." bungad ni Drew
"Nope. I'm staying."
"What the hell am going to do with you?" si Hanz
"Nothing. I just need some---"
"Air! You need some air. Twix's friends are already there. Everyone's expecting you." si Drew
I raised my brows.
"If you're worried about Ellah's rules, pare, ibibili ko kayo ng beers."
"May iniiwasan ka ba?" si Hanz
I glared at him and I hate the way he can predict things just by looking.
"Enough about it---or her. I don't care if she's there."
"I never said anything about 'her', I just asked kung may iniiwasan ka." nakangising sagot ni Hanz
Fuck.
"You know, if you want to stay away from her, then do so. But which do you think is easier, play casual and pretend that you and Ruby never met or...go to Villa Yelena and deal with your folks?"
Damn it!
I forgot about the 'family dinner' every Saturday evening.
Napabuga ako sa hangin.
"Sometimes, I just hate that mouth of yours, and I hate how you use that in negotiations." pagdadabog ko
Tumawa lang si Hanz and Drew was grinning.
Pinindot ko ang intercom at pinaalam kay Lucia that I'll take the time off.
"I'll just get my things. I'll use my MB kaya magconvoy na lang tayo."
The two men beamed at nagfist-bump pa.
And now here I am...
Gathered around the bon-fine at pilit na iniiwas ang tingin ko sa kanya.
She just finished singing and I almost lost my self-containment nang dahil lang sa napakagandang boses niya.
God knows how much I tried so hard not to look at her pero may mga pagkakataong nakakanakaw-tingin ako sa kanya.
Damn those beautiful eyes and lips na ni walang bahid ng make-up. Her face is naturally rosy and flawless, and damn those curvy hips na binagayan ng mahaba at makinis niyang legs.
How could she wear those mini denim shorts?!
I swear I could carve all the men's eyes in this place dahil ayokong may ibang lalaking nakakakita sa kanya.
And you think you're the only exception?
Damn!
I'm actually thinking like a possessive and jealous boyfriend, and we don't even have that kind of relationship.
"See? You could have missed her performance kung hindi ka sumama." mahinang sabi sakin ni Hanz na hindi na naman mapalis ang pagkakangisi niya.
"You don't even know what I'm dealing with right now." mariing sagot ko sa kanya.
"Relax...you'll thank me later after this good weekend."
Kumunot naman ang noo ko.
"I don't see any reason to be thankful for."
Hanz chuckled.
"You'll see."
"Any plans for tomorrow, guys?" tanong ni King sa aming lahat habang akbay-akbay ang misis niya.
"Treking? Sabi ni Ellah, may waterfalls dito." suggestion ni Ken
"How long?" interesadong tanong ko.
It's been so long since the last time I had this kind of outdoor activity and I must admit...the trees calm me.
"Less than an hour hike. Well, may madadaanan daw tayong sapa, hanging bridge, and...uhm...well, Ellah has the map." si Drew
"King, don't tell me you're gonna let your 2 months pregnant wife go on a treking..." narinig kong sabi ni Cheese
"Nah...Gusto niyang maligo sa ilog. I'll just pass. You should all go."
"Oo nga, Miss Andres. You'll be safe with me..." nakangising sabi naman ni Enzo
Lumukot ang mukha ni Cheese.
"I'd rather go swimming." sagot niya saka inirapan si Enzo
What's with these two?
"Ay gusto ko ding maligo sa ilog!" excited na sabi naman ni Dove
"So...just the five of us? Wait a minute, ikaw Ruby?" si Hanz
She turned to Hanz and I wasn't prepared dahil nagtama ang mga paningin namin. But just like that, umiwas ako ng tingin.
"Ahm...wala...dito lang ako."
"Hindi ka maliligo sa ilog?" tanong ni Ken
"She can't swim." sabi ni Dove
Sukat doon ay dumako ang tingin ko kay Ruby. Nakayuko siya at inaabala ang sarili sa pag-iihaw ng hotdog.
"Really? Z's our best swimmer, maybe he can teach you." sabi ni Drew
Tzk.
Nananadya talaga ang taong 'to.
"It's not that deep. Ilog yan, even a 5-year-old kid can go swimming kahit hindi marunong lumangoy." sabi ko na nakatingin lang sa bon-fire.
"May malalim na part daw ang ilog sabi ni Ellah." si Twix
"Of course, if that kid is stupid enough to go there knowing na hindi siya marunong lumangoy..."
"I said I'll just stay here, what's the big deal about not knowing how to swim?" biglang singit ni Ruby.
Her eyes met mine and I saw anger in her eyes.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean anything." pag-iwas ko sa tingin niya at nilagok ang hawak kong beer.
"Yeah...but you're simply degrading someone just because you know how to swim." hindi ko inaasahang sasagot pa siya
"I was just being honest."
"That didn't look like 'being honest' to me..."
This time, we are looking at each other...two seats away.
"Then tell me what should 'being honest' look like because I'm not entirely sure that you're being honest with yourself."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Guys! You're fighting." awat ni King sa amin
Doon ko lang na-realize na uminit na pala ang usapan at nasentro na rin sa amin ang atensyon nilang lahat.
Damn it!
Bakit ko pa kasi pinatulan?
Tumayo ako para kumuha ng panibagong bote sa cooler.
Tzk.
I didn't mean to offend her. I was just trying to say na safe maligo sa ilog, huwag lang siyang pumunta sa malalim.
Hindi niya mae-enjoy ang bakasyon niya kung wala siyang gagawin.
I would be willing to teach her how to swim pero hindi iyon magiging magandang idea. I can't promise myself not to kiss her kung magkakalapit kami. And besides, we're not in good terms.
Hindi na sana ako nakipagtalo pa.
But I know that I was telling the truth...na ni hindi niya maamin sa sarili niya na pareho kami ng nararamdaman.
"You like her, she likes you...why do you make things so complicated?" sabi ni Hanz na hindi ko namalayang sumunod pala sakin
"She started it. She is making it complicated."
"As far as I'm concerned, pareho lang kayong nahihirapan."
"Whatever, man..."
Hanz just chuckled at tinapik ang balikat ko bago bumalik sa iba.
Bumalik na rin ako sa bon-fire tangan ang bote ng beer.
Napansin kong wala na si Ruby sa inuupuan niya kanina.
"Alright guys, magpapahinga na kami. Let's go sweetheart..." paalam ni King sa amin at inalalayan na si Twix papunta sa tent nila.
"Guys, mauuna na rin kami ha? Goodnight!" paalam ni Dove at sabay na sila ni Cheese na tumayo papunta sa kani-kanilang tents.
Naiwan kaming lima sa bon-fire at nag-iinuman.
Napansin ko rin na ni walang nagsasalita sa kanila. The silence was deafening kaya naman nang mag-angat ako ng mukha ay nakatingin silang lahat sakin.
"What?"
"Dude, what was that all about?" si Enzo
"I don't want to talk about it."
"Tss...you're a mess, Z." si Ken
Tumayo na lang ulit ako.
"Magpapahangin lang ako." pagkasabi ko niyon ay naglakad na lang ako palayo sa kanila.
I felt like I needed to be cooled-off. Naglakad ako papunta sa may ilog dahil malapit lang iyon sa camping site namin. Medyo madilim pero mas gusto ko na rin 'yon para makapag-isip.
Hindi na ako nagdalawang-isip pa at hinubad ko ang t-shirt ko. I kicked my sandals away at hinubad ang pants ko. Tanging ang boxers ko na lang ang natira at hindi na rin ako nag-abala pang tumingin sa paligid.
Lumusong ako sa tubig hanggang sa umabot sa beywang ko.
Agad naman akong naginhawaan sa paliligo at pansamantalang nakalimutan ko ang mainit na sagutan kanina.
Ipinikit ko pa ang mga mata ko para namnamin ang lamig ng tubig.
Now this is my kind of peace...
Krak!
Mula sa kung saan ay may narinig akong parang nabaling tuyong sanga.
"Who's there?!"
I waited for another sound pero wala na iyong kasunod.
Ipinagpatuloy ko na lang ang paliligo ko hanggang sa ma-satisfy ako.
I felt better.
I decided to get out of the water nang magsawa ako sa paliligo. I put my pants and sandals back on. Hindi na ako nag-abalang isuot ulit ang damit at basta na lang isinampay sa kanang balikat ko.
Pagbalik ko sa campsite ay nandoon pa rin ang apat pero this time, kausap ang mag-asawa, si Dove, at Cheese.
Akala ko ba magpapahinga na sila?
"Z, where have you been? Bakit hindi mo kasama si Ruby?" tanong agad sakin ni King nang makalapit ako sa kanila.
Naguluhan ako sa tanong niya.
Why on earth would I be with her? Considering na may cold war kami...
"Naligo ako sa ilog. I thought she was with you or went inside already." sagot ko sa kanila pero nagsimula na akong kabahan.
"Wala siya sa tent niya... I just went to check on her pero wala siya." si Cheese
"We thought na baka magkasama kayo at nag-usap..." sabi naman ni Dove
"Pare, she's missing..." sabi naman ni Drew
"Damn it!" dali-dali akong umalis at naglakad sa kung saan para hanapin siya.
Lalo lang akong kinabahan sa ideyang kanina pa siya nawawala. I went swimming for like 30 minutes at kung wala na siya kanina pang pagkatapos naming magkasagutan, she's been missing for almost an hour!
Damn it!
Where are you Ruby?
"Ruby!" sigaw ko sa paligid, hoping na baka marinig niya ako
"RUBY!!!"
"RUBY!!!"
I repeated and repeated...
Oh God...
What if she decided to teach herself how to swim nang dahil lang sa nasabi ko kanina?
What if she fell and drowned?!
Shit!
Wala sanang nangyaring masama sa kanya...
I won't forgive myself...
Out of the blue, bigla ko na lang naalala na may narinig akong ingay kanina sa ilog.
Hindi na ako nagsayang ng oras pa at binalikan ang ilog...