Shay's POV
I look at Luke who is sitting right in front of me, eating his taco and talking at the same time. I always look at him as a younger brother even though he is basically the same age as Calum and I. Since back in Sydney, he has always been this cheeky loud immature boy who I feel nothing but lots of love for. As if right now, looking at him talking gibberish with lettuce coming out of his taco and mouth, I can honestly say that no matter what happens, I definitely want these boys to be a part of my life.
"Luke, honey. I don't understand a work you're saying. Swallow the taco first for goodness sakes", I giggled and grab a bite of my jumbo taco. He swallows the taco and I can see his Adam's apple bobbles and he looks at me with those piercing blue eyes.
"Where were you tonight?"
I swallowed and answered in an emotion-less tone, "I was on a date".
"You were on date and now you're eating two jumbo tacos? Okay, it's either your date didn't bring you to a good restaurant, or your date didn't go well or Shay, you have one massive appetite", he said and I chuckled a little. The idea of my date not going well made me to hold back the tears from falling, I took another bite of the tacos. Luke hold my hand and sounds concerned, "it didn't go so well, did it?"
I look up to him and struggling to keep a straight face, "what? What the hell you're talking about? Maybe I feel like having tacos after a fancy dinner, you have a problem with it, Luke?"
He gives me a lopsided smile, "Shay, don't underestimate me. I may not know you like Calum does, but we were as close. You won't go anywhere without a book and you love talking about stories, and the irony of that is, you never believed them. You think happy endings aren't logical and there's always a catch",I look at him, feeling amazed cause how can he know me that well?
"Plus, you're huge ass nerd! No one reads the textbook before school starts!", he continues and I genuinely laughed.
"I never knew that you noticed that you actually listened to the junk I said about books", I pointed out.
"Shay, I don't think you ever talked about anything else", he chuckles as he continues, "until now I still wonder how a punk ass bassist can fall head over heels over a huge ass nerd".
"You and I both, Luke. You and I both. But don't you worry about that anymore, he already comes back to his senses and has himself a young and sexy model as arm candy", I told him. "Arm candy is what she'll always be", Luke said. I tap his shoulder, "come on, don't say that. They are friends with benefits cause they enjoy each other's company, and sooner or later, they'll realize that they enjoy something more than sex".
Luke looks at me with curiosity in his eyes, "so what about you and Sir Will Pratt, enjoying each other's company lately?"
I was about to answer with a lie, he holds up his forefinger saying, "and don't lie to me Shay, or i'll order another taco just to throw at your face".
I sigh deeply, "fine fine, my date was a disaster before it even started", I told him and trying to avoid eye contact cause I feel embarrassed. It sounds pathetic yeah, and I know that he's at fault but can't help to feel pity towards myself.
"What happened? He said stuffs to you? Was he checking out other girls? I know he was too good to be true, he's a hunter Shay. You never know these guys....", he keeps on blabbing and I close my eyes and just spill the truth out of my mouth.
"I was late and he got mad and he's just a very punctual person, I ticked him off with my tardiness. Stupid yeah, and I'm stupider for even allowing myself to be with such a person. I'm just not classy enough to be with him,what was I even thinking? I try so hard to be this person, the person that I've always dreamed to be. Have a successful job, meet this charming young man and get married and have a beautiful family on an estate and do charities and such! But having Tommy changed everything, my whole plan on having this normal life just shattred. I'm not saying that it's his fault that I end up like this, but he brought me to another path, a path I think I never would have crossed. I accept that, and I make the most of it, but meeting Will and seeing that he could fall for someone like me, I thought it's a second chance for me to relive the dream that I had but it's just another slap in the face, reminding me that I will never be a sophisticated lady, no matter how hard I try". I see my tear falls from my eyes and made a little puddle on the table.
I can feel Luke's hand on mine, "Shay.."
"I'll just be this woman that got knocked up when she was 18, dropped out of Princeton and move to a whole other city to safe the embarrassment, and work as a manager in Borders and currently doing her degree in Literature, where I should be studying for my finals but I'm actually being pathetic, crying in the middle of the night! At a taco truck! With my baby daddy's best friend!"
Luke look at the surrounding and people are staring in our direction, so Luke stands up, stands me up as well and whisper in my ear, "let's go for a walk".
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I stand outside a convenience store, waiting for Luke and as he opens the door, he puts up a six pack of beer and smile cheekily. "Luke, I'm not gonna get drunk tonight, I have to pick up Tommy later".
"Don't you worry about that, I called Calum and asked him to pick up Tommy and let him stay at our place, cause even I do not want Tommy to see you drunk", he said and I nudged his shoulder, "you never see me drunk, so how can you say that?"
"That's the thing, I don't know your drunk-self. You could be chill and tolerate the liquor, or you can be crying shit all over the place and look pretty ugly", he told me and I hit his chest, "God! What kind of a girl you think I am?", snatching a beer, opening the can and drink it. I never drink beer before to be honest, I only stick to wine and champagne, but this tastes so rough that I like the texture of it. The alcohol itches my throat, and gives a weird sensation to it.
"Unexpected", he mutters and I like the sound of that.
As we were walking down the road side and chugging beers down our throats, he calls my name. "Shay", I grunt in acknowledgement.
"I know that you have this idea of being this person when you were younger, but when life takes over and really changes you, and you don't end up to be this person you want to be, it's not that bad. You may end up being happier".
"Luke, I'm not complaining about life. I've struggled, yeah but I know who I struggled for. I have a son for God's sakes and he's still alive! I should be proud of that, right? It's just that people will have this perception on me, like I'm a teen mum, a failure. People's perception can really eat you up, you know. I even go for this degree cause I want to provide a better life for my son! I don't want people to tell him that his mum is a failure, or worse, I'm a failure because of him! I mean, look at Calum, look how much he has accomplished without knowing the existence of Tommy", I told him and he snickered.
"But fuck, Shay. He wasn't happy". I took another chug and look at him confused, "what the fuck are you talking about?"
"He was a hot tempered maniac! He would shout at us when he feels like it! He would leave the studio without telling anyone just cause he wasn't feeling inspired. Micheal and him had a period where they didn't talk to each other, imagine that". He nudges my shoulder and I can't help but to say, "he's not that kind of person"
"He changed to this monster all of the sudden, but when he found out about you and Tommy, he was himself back. All smiles and jokes, and even fueled with inspiration every fucking day!", Luke's words made me wonder why he wasn't a happy guy. I look down on my wrist, my tattooed wrist. Was he frustrated cause I wasn't in his life? And he's the sweetheart he is now, cause I'm back in his life?
"Luke, do you think that I have something to do with his sudden mood change?"
"Obviously, Shay! As fucking weird as it is, you have an impact on him. If he haven't found you guys, he would stay a heartless jerk and be this tempered bull. I'm glad he's back and I have you to thank for, Shay. Despite that you're hurting him, he's still Calum though", he said and that last sentence got me even confused than before.
"I didn't hurt him, Luke. He deserves better than me, I'm not arm candy worthy. I'm his baby mama, for God's sakes", I told him and he throw his beer can on the side road. "Why do you talk like you were never in love with him, Shay?! Sometimes, listening to Calum talking about his Shay problems, the only thing that's screwed up is you! Why don't you want him? He loves you, he never stopped and he realizes that he never will. Why in the fuck you have to push him away?!"
He was standing in front of me and fuck, his words hurt. It's either hurt cause it's the truth or he takes the advantage of my vulnerability tonight to tell me off.
I push his left shoulder, and thinking of what to say.
"Luke Hemmings, you listen to me, you listen to me good. I waited for him! I was madly in love with him, he was my hope for a happy ending. In that short period of time, I can't imagine myself being with anyone else than Calum. He was my knight in shining armor, he made me breathless every time he sings to me. I trust him with my life, and I wouldn't mind he goes to parties like you guys always do, cause I know it in my heart, that he'll always come back to me. He was mine, Luke! He was mine! But then one day, he decided not to be mine anymore, as if he take his heart away from me cause I'm not worthy to keep it. Do you know how that feels? Do you know how does it feel like to have part of your soul being ripped? I spend every single day trying to forget him, Luke. I want to forget him cause he killed a part of me, he did not just hurt me. He killed me! All of the sudden I met my killer, you think I want to give him another chance for him to kill me again? I will always have a soft spot for him, and he is a magnificent person Luke. He's a great person, I was in love with him for God's sakes but I'm just too scared to jump, or even touch his hand, Luke!"
My tears are running down my face like waterfalls, digging back the emotions I had for Calum and lay down everything on the floor is just so weak, I've been putting up this wall so that I won't break and how I hate feeling broken.
"I hate being broken, Luke. Cause picking up the pieces and putting it back together is even harder, it stings. I don't know if I ever jump and kiss Calum again, and ever touch him like he's my life support but just know that I will never stop loving him. Yeah, I fucking said it. I'll never stop loving him, I love him too much, it scares me".
Luke looks at me like he finally understood why I treat his best friend in a way I do, he wraps his huge arms around me. I cry even harder, cause uncovering those layers, I get to feel the pain again and the memories playing back in my head. "I'm sorry, Luke. I'm really afraid that he's going to leave me again and I don't go through that the second time", he hugs me even tighter.
"I didn't know he affected you deeply, fuck I don't even know how love works!", Luke told me and I let out a small giggle.
"Stay away from it, as far as you can! Or you'll end up pathetic, like me", I told him and he unravels his hand and opens another can of beer and handed it to me.
I wipe my tears and said, "thanks".
"Shay, as clueless I'm gonna sound , but I believe in happy endings. Remember that I used to listen to your rambling about stories? Despite how illogical it can be, I feel that it's possible to have it, cause the writer must've felt it or even saw a happy ending somewhere to write it. Right?", I smile and gives him a kiss on the cheek, "don't ever change Luke, the world needs more sweethearts like you".
As I walk to his car, feeling abit woozy, I ask him, "do you think less of me now, Luke?"
He grabs my body and pull it closer to him, "I did, but now I think you're not too bad", he teases and I nod my head, "good enough for me".
I pull out my phone to check on my baby, and before I tap on Calum's number, I feel hesitant. "You want me to call Calum for you?", Luke asks me and I mutter, "yes please. I'm not in a good emotional state to talk to him".
He pulls his phone out and call Calum. "Hey buddy, have you picked up Tommy?...yeah yeah...we're okay, just having a few beers.....no no, it's fine...er I don't know, a cab maybe? Don't you worry, I'll get her home safe...oh really? Wait", he puts his other hand on the phone and looks at me, "are you okay staying at your place alone tonight? You want to stay in ours?"
"God, you're right. Never mind, I'll just stay home. I'm okay with it, I think I need some alone time", I told him and Luke looks concerned, "are you sure?". I nod my head.
He puts his phone back to his ear, "she wants to go home..yes yes she said she can be alone...oh? She's kind of drunk, and she doesn't want Tommy to see her recovering a hangover..yeah alright, see you, bye".
"How's Tommy?", I asked and he answers, "sleeping like a baby", he smiles.
"Good", I mutter.
"He sounds really concerned about you, he actually told me to force you to stay over cause you're not used to staying alone but I'm not gonna do that, so I told him you were drunk and you didn't want Tommy to see you recover from a hangover", he told me and I told him back, "I'm not drunk!"
"You can't even walk straight", he told me and I look down at my legs and they move like jellyfish. "I was really emotional tonight and being drunk made me even more emotional, okay?". I was trying to make up an excuse and that's all I can come up with.
"Let me take you home, even Calum doesn't let me to drive you home cause he doesn't want your life to be put in my hands", I ignore the Calum part and respond, "what about my car? I can't just leave it there?"
"You can get it tomorrow, let me hail a cab", he stretch his long arms and it's quite impossible for any vehicle not to notice those long arms. A cab pull over and Luke slowly push me into the cab and as I feel my body rest on the soft leather seat, it's like a little piece of heaven.
"Luke, is this some plan of yours? To get me drunk and tell you everything?", I asked him and I can hear him chuckle, "you slick bastard! So now you know every single thing, what are you going to do about it? And be honest, you tall tree!", I slap his chest.
"I want to see you happy, Shay. You deserve to be happy", and that's the last thing I hear before I dozed off.
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a/n: Gosh this taco night is a long night, huh? So what do you think of this chapter? Unexpected? Maybe a bit boring? Gosh, don't make me guess, tell me instead! Thanks for reading you guyss, loves! :)