Jayson.
My heart is pounding so loud since I received a call from Steph that Zeph is finally awake. Medyo nagtampo pa nga ako na hindi nila ako tinawagan but I understand them too. They just wanted me to take a rest because I've been restless since the accident.
My mind and my heart are clouded with excitement and honestly, with fear too. I have a lot of what ifs in my mind. I closed my eyes and shook my head. I don't want to be pessimistic but I just can't help it.
I've hurt her and made her cry for countless of times. I was so rude to her and even if I love her to hell and heaven, I wasn't able to show it to her properly. I was so coward and I think I'm being coward again.
But then, I'm also excited. I want to touch her face. I want to kiss her. I want to see her laugh or smile at me. I want to hear her call me mine. God, I want her because I love her. I love her so much that it hurts not to be by her side.
I entered the hospital. I am carrying a basket of flowers on my right hand and a basket of fruits on my left hand. I am sweating cold. Kinakabahan ako at para akong maiihi na ewan. I can feel the rush of butterflies in my stomach. Jesus! Para akong teenager na first time manligaw!
Pero totoo naman eh! First time kong manligaw ngayon! I never courted Steph. Yung nangyari sa amin basta na lang nangyari. We just dated, we found ourselves enjoying each other's company so we jumped into a higher level of relationship.
Nang makarating ako malapit sa kuwarto niya ay nakita kong nasa labas si Miguel at Steph na palabas. Agad akong lumapit.
"H-hi!" Lumingon sila sa akin at nilapitan ako ni Steph humalik sa pisngi ko na agad naman nakarinig ng pagsuway kay Miguel.
"You don't need to kiss him..." He snorted.
Napailing si Steph but she smiled at us. I am a bit surprised on how red her eyes are pati ang kanyang ilong. She must have been crying.
"Is everything, okay?" Nag-aalala kong tanong. I know Zeph is okay but I know, too, that Steph and Zeph aren't okay. And I don't want that to stay like that.
Nawala ang pangamba ko ng ngumiti sa akin si Steph. A smile with full of joy, relief, and satisfaction.
"Yep. I am happy she forgave me. I know I don't deserve it but she gave it to me easily. She's really an angel." She said smiling widely.
Ngumiti na rin ako pabalik. "That's good to hear."
"Kaya nga eh." She said. "Oh, hinahanap ka na pala niya, right Migs?" Nilingon niya si Miggy. Tumango ito at right at that moment ay bumalik ang kaba na nararamdaman ko kanina.
Parang mas malala pa nga ngayon. Tagktak na naman ang pawis ko.
"Kinakabahan ka, dude?" Tanong ni Miguel na nakangisi.
"H-hindi ah!" Pagtanggi ko pero napangiwi lang ako ng parehas nila akong tinawanan.
"The Mighty Jayson is scared of Zephanie! Hahaha!" Pang-aasar ni Miguel.
Napailing na lang ako sa pang-aasar nila. I guess I can never deny this. Alam kong may kasalanan ako eh.
Moments later, their laughter died down at saka ako inakbayan ni Miguel. "This won't be easy pero I'm with you on this. We'll support you, right wife?"
Steph grinned at me. "Of course! You deserve each other. Basta promise me that you'll take care of my sister. Mahal na mahal ko siya kaya sana huwag na huwag mo siyang sasaktan."
I saw her eyes starting to go red again. I smiled and nodded. "I promise that. I love her and I will take care of her and our child. I'll make sure that we'll get married the soonest possible time. I won't let her take care of our child alone."
Nanlaki ang mga mata ni Steph at ginulo naman ni Miguel ang buhok ko.
"Wow! That's good to hear!" Steph exclaimed.
"Nice, man! Galingan mo sa pagpropropose ha?" Tumawa kaming tatlo at sinabihan pa nila ako ng kaunting tips sa pagpropropose.
I feel so happy and at last, our happy ending is already near.
Pagkatapos ng ilan pang asaran ay iniwan na rin nila ako.
I breathed in and out for a lot of times and pushed the door open. Muli akong huminga ng malalim bago ako pumasok. Nadatnan ko sa loob si Tita Lyn at Tito Ronnie na nasa bawat gilid ng kama ni Zeph.
All of them looked at me smiling. I forced myself to smile pero pakiramdam ko para akong robot.
Her parents are smiling sincerely at me and Zeph too. And that scared me more. Parang mas inaasahan ko pa na makita kong galit o nakasimangot sa akin si Zeph. Mas kaya kong i-handle iyon eh kasi guilty ako.
"G-good afternoon, po! Z-zeph..." Bati ko sa kanila.
"Pasok ka, iho." Tita Lyn said. Lumapit ito sa akin.
"These are for Zeph?" Tanong niya.
Tumango ako at hindi na ako nakapagsalita dahil para akong nawalan ng dila. Damn it! Ngayon ko lang naranasan ito!
Hindi ako makalapit kay Zeph at hindi ko rin talaga alam kung lalapit ba ako o hindi kaya dumiretso na lang ako sa upuan malapit sa table na nasa tabi ng kama niya. Nilapag ko doon ang mga dala ko.
Pagkatapos ay tahimik akong umupo sa sofa at yumuko. I played with my fingers and just listened to their conversation. Paminsan minsan ay isinasali din nila ako sa usapan nila but most of the time ay tahimik lang ako.
Zeph was smiling all the time. Tumatawa rin ito pero hindi gaano dahil narin siguro sa takot na mapwersa siya. Her laughter and her voice are very soothing to my ears. Ang tagal na nung huli ko siyang narinig na ganyan and now that I am hearing her lively voice, finally, I felt alive.
After less than thirty minutes ay narinig kong nagpapaalam na ang mga magulang niya sa kanya. Bumaling sa akin si Tito Ronnie. "Ikaw na muna dito ha? Balik kami mayang gabi."
Tumango ako. Tito Ronnie tap my shoulder and Tita Lyn kissed me on my cheek after she kissed Zeph.
Nang makaalis sila ay bumalik ako ulit sa kinauupuan ako. I know I look stupid kasi hindi man lang ako makalapit sa kanya.
Maya-maya ay narinig ko siya tumikhim. I looked at her at sinalubong niya ako ng kanyang ngiti.
"Ayaw mong lumapit sa akin?" She said and pouted.
Ngali-ngali akong tumayo at lumapit sa kanya. Umupo ako sa upuan na nasa tabi ng kanyang kama pero umiling ulit siya sa akin.
"Why don't you sit beside me?" Umuwang ang aking bibig. Hindi ako makapaniwala.
Hanggang sa hindi ko na mapigilan ang ngiti sa aking mga labi. God, am I dreaming? Umupo ako sa kama niya at halos mapatalon ako ng bigla niyang hinawakan ang aking kamay.
Tumawa siya sa reaksyon ng katawan ko. "Scared of me, eh?"
She pulled my hand gently na parang sinasabi niyang lumapit pa ako lalo sa kanya.
Ramdam ko ang panginginig ng aking kamay kaya ilang beses kong pinaglitan ang sarili ko. Damn! This is crazy!
I gathered all my guts to move closer to her. She is leaning against the head board kaya sumandal ako doon para isandal na lang ang katawan niya sa katawan ko. Moments later my arms are encircled on her body, her head is rested on my chest.
I smiled and savored the moment. God, I missed this!
She stilled in my arms and no one of us spoke for how many minutes. Hanggang sa nagsalita siya.
"I missed you..." My heart swelled in joy. Sobrang saya ko at alam kong umiiyak na ako ngayon. I wiped my tears immediately.
"I missed you too, baby." My voice is broken.
She chuckled a bit and pressed her head on my chest even more.
"M-mine..." She said.
"hmmmm?"
"We're having a baby..." She said. My heart leaped. I know that fact but hearing her say the word "we" sounds better than how the doctor revealed the fact that Zeph is pregnant.
Ibang-iba talaga. Iba ang saya na malaman mong may buhay kaming nabuo.
"I k-know, baby. And please, don't ever think na hindi ako masaya. I am more than happy." I said.
"Alam ko naman eh. They said that you're happy and I can feel that." I sighed in relief sa sinabi niya.
Ayokong magkaroon kami ng hindi pagkakaintindihan. I can't afford to lose her again just because of misunderstanding.
Tumikhim ako. I know that this isn't a good place to propose but I don't want to waste any time anymore. Marami na kaming nasayang at wala akong planong dagdagan pa iyon.
"Baby, I know this might surprise you, but you see, I don't want to waste any moment anymore." I paused and breathed deeply.
"Baby, I want to take care of you and our child. I don't want you to this alone and I really want to build a happy family with you. B-baby, w-will you m-marry me?" I said with utmost sincerity.
My heart is beating wildly and it became wilder the moment I finished speaking. I felt her body stiffened and right at that moment I felt that she is shocked.
She moved and I realized that she wants to face me so I helped her. I moved a little too para magkaharap kami. And when I saw her face, I felt that the air in the room went thinner that I couldn't breathe properly anymore.
"B-baby..." I felt my hands sweat terribly.
She smiled at me and then touched my cheeks. Her smile is so good that it can hurt me.
Right at that moment I felt my world starting to collapse. And I felt it even more when she answered me.
"I'm s-sorry... I can't."