Zeph.
"Oh, Zeph! What are you doing here?" Steph said with a smile on her face that mirrors the smile that I can see on Jayson's face.
Natulala ako sa kung ano ang nasa harap ko. Steph is smiling widely same as Jayson. That smile. I can't believe I am seeing his smile like this, like a double-edged sword that is excruciatingly slashing every single corner of my heart.
Hindi ako makakilos. Hindi ako makapagsalita. Ang alam ko lang ay sobrang sakit at hindi ko alam kung ano ang hahawakan ko. Ang puso ko ba na ngayon ay sobrang nanakit o ang mga mata ko para masabi kong hindi ko nakikita ito ngayon. Para maloko ang sarili ko na nag-hahalucinate lang ako, that this might me just a dream, that this is not real. But how can this be a dream?
I can clearly hear my sister giggling when Jayson planted a kiss on her cheeks like I am not in front of them?
"T-this is not happening..." I said shaking my head. They both looked at me. I looked at Jayson straight in the eye, I am hoping that I could see guilt or perhaps a glint of hope na baka nagpapanggap lang sila. Pero wala. He's smirking and he looks so damn happy.
"Sis, what are you saying? Of course this is happening! You see, we're finally back with each other!" Steph grinning.
"No. This is impossible. May asawa ka——"
"And we're getting an annulment." Steph said finishing my sentence.
"No... No..." I said and my voice started to break. "Jayson, ano 'to? Anong ibig sabihin nito?"
"This? We got back together? Obvious naman di ba?" Aniya na nakakunot ang noo.
"P-pero... H-how about us?" I asked, my tears streaming down my face. Ngunit hindi pa sila tapos sa pananakit sa akin dahil tinumbasan nila ito ng nakakabinging tawa. They laughed their hearts out while my face got drenched with my tears.
"A-ano ba... Tell me this is a joke... p-please..." I plead.
Both of then stopped laughing at sinalubong ako ng matalim na tingin ni Steph. "Joke? No, Zeph. This isn't a joke."
"No! You said you love me?!" I shouted at Jayson.
"Love? I never loved you, Zeph. How can I love the woman who's the main reason why I lost Steph? I lost the woman I love because she can't do anything but to take your part because your father loves you so much that he forgot about Steph's feelings?" Jayson said angrily.
"B-but y-you said... At wala akong kasalanan! Kung mahal ka ni Steph then she can runaway with you! Dapat hindi siya pumayag sa kasal!" Sagot ko.
"Para ano, Zeph? Para itakwil ako ni daddy? Dahil hanggang sa dulo alam ko na sayo lang makikinig si Daddy! Sayo lang siya nakikinig at hindi sa akin! Pero anong ginawa mo? Wala kang ginawa. Hinayaan mong mangyari ang lahat! Alam mong may boyfriend din ako noon pero dahil abala ka sa sarili mo, hinayaan mong mangyari ang lahat. You're so selfish! Sarili mo lang ang iniisip mo!"
Natulos ako sa kinatatayuan ko. Oo, alam ko 'yon pero kailangan ko bang maranasan ito? Kailangan bang ganito ang balik? I was so hurt that time to talk or complain. Paano ko gagawin ang mga bagay na dapat kong ginawa noon kung ako mismo ay naging paralisado sa sobrang sakit?
"S-steph... magkakaanak na kayo ni M-miguel."
"Oh, this?" Ani Steph sabay turo sa tiyan niya. "Jayson, can accept my baby. Right, babe?"
"Of course." He said while he's intently looking at me. "I love you, right? You must always remember that." At ang bawat salitang lumabas sa kanyang bibig ay sobrang sakit na sana hindi ko naririnig ngayon.
I closed my eyes. Hindi ako makapaniwala na matapos ang nangyari kaninang umaga, sa lahat ng ipinakita niya, sa lahat ng pagseselos at pagiging possessive niya ay si Steph parin ang mahal nila. Para saan ang mga 'yon?
Nanginginig ang aking buong katawan at nanlalamig ang aking mga kamay. Pilit kong ibinuka ang aking bibig. "W-why, Jayson? Why do you have to show me and tell me that you love me? So, lahat ng iyon hindi totoo? Lahat 'yon pagpapanggap lang? You——You could have told me how much you hate me than letting me feel loved but later on treated like this——like a trash!"
I broke down in too much tears. Wala na akong pakialam kung ano na ang hitsura ko. Kung maaawa siya sa akin at baka sakaling bawiin niya ang lahat ng sinabi niya, then I will settle for that. Hindi baleng awa na lang ang maramdaman niya para sa akin basta bumalik siya akin. Basta ako parin ang aalagaan niya. Basta ako parin ang sasamahan niya.
But no. Instead his face became impassive. "You want to know why I made those things?"
I didn't answer but he continued talking. "Simple lang ang rason, Zeph. It was all for revenge, for Steph, and for me."
"R-revenge?" Hindi ako makapaniwala. He did this for revenge and I stupidly fell for it. How can I be this dumb?
"Yes. As I've said, I'm angry at you for causing so much pain for us. And I want you to feel the same pain too. I want you to suffer like we did. I want you to cry like we did. I want you to lose sanity——"
"STOP!" I shouted. I covered my ears so I won't hear him. So I won't know the truth. But hell! The pain is unbeartable. "P-please... S-stop... S-stop... P-please stop..."
He stopped talking and for a moment, I thought I saw him looking at me with guilt, like he wants to take back his words. But I think I was just hallucinating. Because when I blinked my eyes, I still saw his cold stare at me.
Nagpalipat-lipat ang tingin ko sa kanila. Jayson doesn't show any emotion but Steph is smirking devilishly at me. Ang daming nagbago. This morning, Jayson was so sweet and Steph... Steph, Fany, she used to be my bestfriend. She used to be the best sister for me but now, she became the total opposite of those things.
I never thought that they'll come up with this idea of hurting me. Akala ba nila sila lang ang nasaktan? I was hurt too! And now this, they just killed me... They have just inflicted too much pain that even breathing became so difficult.
"Masaya na ba kayo ngayon?" I gathered all my strength to ask that question.
"Yes, Zeph. We're very happy now." Steph answered.
I stared at them intently. This is the result of my past actions. Hanggang nagyon ay hindi ko parin alam kung tama lang ba na makarma ako ng ganito pero siguro nga ito ang tadhana ko.
Tumango ako. I wiped my tears and forced a smile. "G-good... I hope we're done. I hope you're satisfied with the result now."
Tumalikod ako at dali-daling lumabas ng kuwarto. My eyes are getting blurry again and I blinked a lot of times para lang hindi ako madapa sa pagtakbo ko pababa ng hagdan.
Because I can't handle another fall again, I can't handle another pain again.
***
Let's burry him six feet below the ground.