Shay's POV
It feels so nice to soak my tired body in this hot bath. It's been awhile I did this and with Calum staying here with Tommy for awhile, I take the opportunity to have alone time with me, myself & I. I take my phone and switch on some soothing music and place my phone on the sink, I close my eyes thinking, this is the life.
Today is a good day overall, Tommy's party has been a success despite the argument I had with Calum. Thinking it over, am I being overdramatic? Am I making Tommy as an excuse for my feelings? ugh, why do I have feelings, still?!
Okay, before I put this feeling aside, I'm going to bare my feelings out on the floor since I'm alone right now. Should I say it out loud? Will that help me to see things clearer? Maybe I'll just keep the silence cause even talking makes me so tired and I'm relaxing right now.
What I can be open about is, I really hate Calum's skinny girlfriend. I don't hate her cause she's dating Calum, maybe she's a sweetheart to him, but I just hate her guts like Calum deserve way better than a model. Am I being too judgmental cause she's a model? Maybe she does has brains, maybe she reads and is really intelligent and has a great body and face as a bonus, just like Tyra Banks. I might be overreacting, it's just my first impression of her. Who knows what is her first impression on me? It might be ugly teen mom that has no future on having a great career and a lean body like her? I do have an okay body, well not everything is toned but I think I'm doing okay? Keep telling yourself that Shay Michelle Dallas.
She did left the party early, gosh! Did Calum told her that I hated her guts? She's just so intimidating, look at her! And look at me! Ugh, I'm feeling insecure right now just looking at my big thighs. Maybe I should start working out? If I have the time, cause I'm working, studying and doing chores and being a mum, is a totally whole other workout and why can't that be slimming? I think I should apologize to Calum, I should be happy that he finally found someone even though if it's only a fuck-buddy, maybe it'll grow to something great just like in the movies. Why do I feel like I don't want her to take my place? Wait, what? Take my place? no no, I have no place in the first place. Right? Ugh, fine I admit it! I've never stop thinking about Calum hence I loved him, and probably loved him even more cause there'll be no Tommy if there's no him. Yes at the same time, I hated him cause he left me alone and made me feel like he didn't even love me cause he doesn't want to jump in the wagon and dumped me.
That was intense. But right now, he has been such a wonderful dad to Tommy and I'm happy for him. I do believe that Calum would not abandon his child, but why was I so caught up and saying that he will leave him? Then Calum told me that was it me who will feel abandoned and unloved? Why would I even? I have Will, he's a great guy! He's my type of a guy and what Calum said that he was just into literature cause he wants to fuck girls is just bogus. We even haven't done it yet, he respects my space like how a gentleman should.
Maybe I will miss him when he's away, oh gosh! I feel so pathetic! This is stupid! I want to forget him, I want to unlove him, but why do I feel that I will miss him when he's away? This is just the feelings talking, feelings are irrational. I care about Calum, I really do. He was my first love, and first love is always the hardest. I'll get pass this. Maybe not seeing him every day will make me miss him but it will give me some space to actually get him out of my system.
You had five years to get him out of your system, you didn't. You date Will, a gorgeous British lad that is a sweetheart, you still think of Calum whenever he touches you and now he's gonna go to tour and you feel a hint that you'll miss him. What makes you think that he'll be ever out of your system?
My conscious just pat me in the back and told me that there's a possibility that he'll never be out of my system. Why?! I'm being cautious, I do not want to get hurt again, did my conscious considered the possibility that he will bail on me, again? Like I said, feelings are irrational. I'm done having a therapy session with my feelings, it's not helping. It doesn't solve anything! I will get him out of my system and fall head over heels for Will, no matter what my conscious tell me.
I hear my phone rings and it's Rachel, she's out with the guys, why is she calling me?
"Rach?"
"Baby Shay!", she's drunk.
"Shay, are you with the guys?", I asked.
"Yeah, I'm with them. But they passed out", she giggles.
"Okay, I'll go and pick you up then", I was about to get out of the bathtub, she mumbled something.
"Pshhttt, you don't have to do that! ", I ignored her and get out of the tub,
"I'll pick you up, just stay where you are", I hang up the phone and dry myself with the towel.
I put on fresh clothes, and tie my hair into a ponytail and exit my bedroom, and I see Calum and Tommy are sleeping on the couch with the Guitar Hero on Calum's body. They are such cuties, I went over and switched off the game.
I nudge Calum's arm to tell him that I'm going out to pick up my drunk cousin.
"Calum..Calum..Calum".
He popped his body upwards, "full streaks, high points!", I laugh at him and he puts his hand over his face, feeling embarrassed.
"I fell asleep, didn't I? There's something about this couch, I'm sorry", he said while getting up but I touched his chest motioning him not to get up.
"Just stay with Tommy for awhile, I have to pick up Rachel and the guys at the bar, they are not able to drive",I told him but he got up anyway,"I'll come with you".
"No no, it's fine. Just stay with Tommy", but he carries Tommy instead and Tommy is sleeping as a cute log.
"What are you doing, Cal? I can go on my own", I told him but he walks towards the door.What's with the doing the opposite thing i told him to do?
"I'm not letting you to drive to a bar at night, it could be dangerous", he told me and I feel instantly weird, like he's not obligated to do so?
"I can handle myself, Calum. It's not like I haven't entered a bar before", I just stand there trying to convince him that I could go alone.
"Then you stay with Tommy, I'll go and pick them up", he's barely awake and he wants to drive? Na'ah.
"What is the matter with you? You can't even open your eyes? And you want to drive?"
"Then let me come with you, at least. At least you have backup if anything happens", he told me and I know he has the best intentions at heart so I just gave up and walk outside the door with Calum behind me.
We got into the car, with Tommy sleeping on Calum's chest. I start to drive and head to the bar they drink at.
"Calum, I want to say something", I told him and he turns his head to look at me.
"Yeah?"
"I just want to apologize for what I have said about Alana, I bet she's a nice girl cause you're with her. I should give you credit cause you did chose me", I chuckled try to lighten up the mood.
I can see him smile from the corner of my eye, "hey, no problem. I'm sorry too for what I have said about Will. If he makes you happy, I'm happy for you".
I smiled back, and we just sit there in silence. But it was not an awkward silence, it's a comfortable silence, maybe a hint of relief cause we made up and apologized for the things we said. That's one more thing about me and Calum that I realized, we could be having a heated fight one minute, but we'll always find a way to come back down to earth and talk about it.
I parked at the side of the road where the bar is, and touch my son's head cause he has been sleeping this whole time.
"I'm gonna go in now", I told him as I hold the door handle to go out but then he grabs my arm, and legitimately his touch gives me chills. Why does he have this effect on me?
"Let me go, you hold Tommy", he told me.
"Are you sure? I can just go in and drag Rachel and the guys out?", I try to convince him that I can do this but he just doesn't seem to budge but why do I feel un-threatened by it? Usually if there's someone told me that I can't do something, I'll be all fired up and be like 'you can't tell me what to do', but I can see Calum's sense of protecting me. I feel okay with it.
He hands me Tommy and walked into the bar, and I waited in the car for a few minutes, holding my son tight to my chest.
Then I hear the bar door open and I see Rachel is walking with Calum, laughing so loud, just being drunk. He opens the car door and slides her to the back seat, and he asks me to open my window so that he could talk to me.
"Shay, I'm gonna get these guys and drive them home. They are so wasted, you have no idea", now I feel concerned about him. "Are you sure? I can drop the both of them at home and drive back here and help you?"
He shakes his head, " no no, its fine. Just get home safely, just strap the seatbelt on Tommy", I did what he said which is placing Tommy on the passenger seat and strap a seatbelt on him.
"You guys! Me and the guys just discovered something about you guys!", Rachel suddenly voices out.
"Okay, I'm gonna drive home now, thanks for everything Calum. You've been great today, I mean it", I smile at him and he smiles back.
"We discovered that you guys didn't really broke up!", she shouts the most stupid thing I've heard in my life.
"She's clearly drunk", Calum chuckles and I just let out a sigh cause she's so says the most silly stuffs.
"Ignore her", I roll my eyes and Calum laughed. "I'm off now, thanks again".
I drive off and looking back at Calum in the rear view mirror, and stupidly thinking of what Rachel said, what if Calum and I did never break up?
I quickly shake off the thoughts cause it's unrealistic. We would be happy, and it'll feel right and we'll be raising Tommy together,feeling forever young and that's why I would say it's unrealistic cause he'll drop out soon enough. If he hasn't left five years go, he would leave five years later.
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