Shay's POV
"So, nothing is more important about this character than his pride. His pride is his sole purpose in life, is that it?", I ask Will as we are studying.
"Yeah, but it could be that he's fear of being inferior is the reason that he needs to shield his pride", I write down his words on my notebook and nodding understandingly. Then I look up at him and admire his sweet face, he has been such a sweetheart to me. I extend my hand and touch his cheek, rubbing it softly with my fingers. He looks up at me and smile, "you hungry?" he asks.
"Yeah, sort of. So shall we take a break?", I stand up and put aside my books and notes to make space for the chinese takeout he bought. He grabs a box of noodles and hand it to me, "thanks again for dinner, Will".
"No problem, Shay. It's a pleasure", he said and as I put the food in my mouth, he continues, "next time, I'll cook for you", he winks at me. I almost threw up the food in my mouth, "you cook?"
"Sometimes. I live alone, my daughter, Ellie only comes in alternate weekends so I have to feed myself and I can't just eat pizza all the time", pizza made me think of Calum. I bet he eats pizza all the freaking time, "don't you eat out?", I ask him.
"I do, but I take away the food cause I rather eat alone in the comfort of my own home", he explains.
"So, when you feel a bit stingy you cook your own food?", I tease him and he laugh at my attempt of teasing, "yes, when I don't want to buy my own dinner, I cook".
Will is a nice company to have, we could talk about current stuffs and not about the past and it doesn't have to be all about feelings. Old feelings especially, which is always the topic between Calum and I. "So, how is work?", I ask about his position as a partner of a consultation agency.
"Work is going good, more clients are coming in to look at projects. It's going to be a good year, how bout you?"
"My work in Borders? Same ol, same ol. Nothing exciting happens in there except when I get to buy new books for myself and Tommy, cause I get to use the employee's discount", I grin cause I love the smell of new books and the excitement of knowing what's the story inside cause you know, don't judge the books by it's cover.
"I was wondering, what are you going to do when you have degree in Literature? You're gonna pursue writing?", he asks me and I shake my head, "oh no, I'm not good at writing, that's Calum's expertise. I'm more of a reading kind of a gal". Then I realised that I mention the guy that I want to avoid of thinking. It might've triggered cause the only person that mention about pursuing writing to me was Calum, no one actually help me to peel my potential and passion except him.
"Calum?", he raises his eyebrow in suspiscion. I should just give a brief explanation, I do not want to bore him with my sad love story. "He's Tommy's father", I answer bluntly and hope he does not know who Calum Hood is.
"Oh, okay. He's a writer?", he's asking more questions and I'm continue answering it as short as possible. "He's a musician".
"Oh, what kind of music?", another question and I'm going to stop him right there, "er, pop rock, I guess? So, to answer your question. I don't quite know, I haven't thought that far. How about you? Are you going to pursue literature in any certain way?", I ask him back and he just laughs.
"Oh God no, it's just a hobby. I mean literature is fun to learn, but as a career, I don't think it's income worthy", I am quite surprised at his statement about literature. Yes, I know literature is not a profession that could become a career but it's art. I turn the cap on my head backwards, "the way you're saying that, it's like telling a fine art student that what he's studying is going to lead him to being homeless? Is that how you feel about it?"
"What? Well no, what I mean is yes", I look at him with shock but then he holds my hand, trying to reorganize his words, "What I mean is, of course there are successful artists out there but you have to be great at it. Like fantastic, and not every fine art student in one class will make it. Some of them are gonna struggle and live hard, and they are going to end up doing something they don't love just to pay the bills".
I take a deep breath and thinking that he's right, he's being practical about it, I lean forward to tell him my opinion about it, "well, that's the beauty of it. Struggling of doing what you love, what you're really passionate about, it's worth it. It's undescribable to explain the worth but you're happy with the struggle and sooner or later, you'll get the recognition you deserve. Eventhough it's only from one person".
He kisses my forehead, "You are adorable". I am in awe of what he just said, I just told him about how not having a million bucks in the bank account is not everything if you believe in your talent and you want to pursue your passion. "Did you just call me adorable?"
"Yes, cause Shay, let's be real. We're living in a tough world, where competition is all around. You are successful when you can buy yourself a home and pay the loan every month, and your soul will not be in peace if you can't pay the bills by the end of the month. I'm not saying that what you say is bogus, maybe it is true for some people but I don't think they will feel happy doing their art on the street".
I think about if for a second, maybe what he says is true cause I have not felt the struggle so it's easy to find the beauty of it when you're fighting what you love to do. But he's taking it to an extreme where it would scare people to do what they love, and ask them to do something that they don't love but pays the bills and got to buy a brand new car every month or so. Is that the definition of success? I'm still searching that definition cause I have yet to know what success feels like. If he is so strung about success, why is he interested with me when I'm just a Borders manager?
"You do realize that I'm a Border's manager, right?", I ask him and he nods and I ask him again, "I'm not some high position hot shot, I am abit of a struggle too. I'm trying to manage a day job, my studies and taking care of my son all on my own. Do you look down on me, Will? Give it to me straight, cause I do not want to be some charity case that you just simply stumble upon", I cross my arms and lean my back on the chair.
He stands up and walks up behind me and wraps his hand around me, "Shay, you are definitely not a charity case. Instead of looking down on you, I admire you. You juggling everything and still be this interesting woman that caught my attention, that's a chance I do not want to waste. You don't feel sorry for yourself, you take a step forward on how to make a better life for you and your son which is so admirable. I never meant to make you feel inferior, I'm sorry".
I just sit in silence, eventhough what he said about me is true. I really want to move forward with my life, and a better one for myself and Tommy. He's just telling me based on his experience living in this world, and I have my own experiences too so I'm gonna act as an adult and don't sulk like a teenage girl.
"I'm sorry too, we are just talking based on our own experiences", I spoke up. "You don't have to apologize, our experiences and thinking of the world are different, so no wrong in learning each other's way right? Isn't that what literature is all about? Understanding the writers experiences and make it into a life lesson?".
I laugh and stand up, to wrap my hands around his neck, "you're such a nerd".
"Isn't that your type? The good looking nerd?", he smirks at me and rest my lips onto his and when our kiss are deepened, I can feel his hand travels under my shirt and his touch on my skin is strangely uncomfortable, so I pull away and lands my hands on his chest. "let's take it slow".
He looks down on me with guilt, "yeah, sure. No problem, I do not want to pressure you".
"Thank you, you're such a gentleman", I give him a peck on the lips. "It's been awhile that anyone touches me like that, so I get a little jittery".
"I understand. I apologize", he apologize again and I smile at him to give him comfort, "it's okay, stop acting like a nerd".
"Shall we continue on being nerds and study?", he smiles back at me and honestly, I already feel abit lazy and shrug my shoulders and purse my lips. "Can we stop and watch some tv?"
"So you do not want to study anymore? You're done for the night?", he asks me for some assurance and I slowly nod my head. "Good, me too", he takes a sigh of relief.
We make our way to the couch and I switch on the television, I rest my head on his chest and his hands are wrapped around me and I feel somewhat nice, being cuddled for the first time after a long time. But why when he touch me, I get uncomfortable? Shouldn't I be aroused cause of not getting touched for awhile? That is what I've been telling myself when I feel the urge for Calum to touch me. Why does my heart race so fast when I look at Calum's hands and hoping it would carass my skin? Why in the world am I thinking about him? I have this gorgeous British guy beside me who adores me, Calum should be the last thing on my mind.
"You okay, babe?", Will look down on me and break of my gaze.
"I'm fine", I said wrapping my arms around him. This is me moving on, this is me enjoying my life and putting the past behind me. I'm putting Calum behind me, I want to unlove him. As harsh as it sounds, I want to forget that I ever loved him.
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a/n: So what do you think of Mr.Will Pratt? ;) drop a comment, and vote and thanks for reading! :D
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