versions 1.3-1.6 (Diary 1) [A...

By Scarletmonk720

2.4K 1 0

moved to my new diary where hopefully i'll be less of a whiny bit- i mean where hopefully i'll be more mature... More

10/11/2021
11/11/2021
11/11/2021 pm
14/11/2021
15/11/2021
18/11/2021
18/11/2021 night (don't publish)
19/11/2021
20/11/2021
24/11/2021
25/11/2021
26/11/2021
27/11/2021
28/11/2021
29/11/2021
why are we punished for emotions?
4/12/2021
6/12/2021
8/12/2021
12/12/2021
15/12/2021
i feel alone
20/12/2021
22/12/2021
23/12/2021
24/12/2021
25/12/2021
27/12/2021
i think i'm having a nervous breakdown
29/12/2021
let's talk my sexuality!
1/01/2022
again i'm reminded i'm a freak
idk what i even feel
ppl can't hide there intentions
ambiguous wording
week without issue
i'm fooling myself
hmm
still not feeling the best
out of my system and i am good
wooo feeling good
let the job hunt begin
i did say don't read the latest entry
i keep fucking up
idk anymore life is just life
help
question too awkward to ask
why did i think she reciprocated my feelings
and scene
i want a social life
kinda bums me out
):
are u ok?
i'm stressed
holding it together
purge!!!!
morals
heart sinks
can she say no?
baseless
she thinks i'm angry
i love her
what i hate about her
just a relatable quote (to me)
why do people have to be so complex
worried
she's just so precious
i don't give a flying fuck
quick question
1 person i like
two days
and we have reached calm waters
soz all g now
anxiety
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
who can i turn to
me free day
me, myself and i
it was bound to happen eventually
back to the start
I have no-one
why? just why?
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa part 2
doing this for me or you?
didn't, doesn't, won't
i just want my friend back
i'm F.U.C.K.E.D
no need to eat
feel like i've lit the bridge aflame
omg someone isn't just calling me a dick
what i hate about society!
last night
i want to apologise
life is a burden
of a feather
usually I don't get annoyed
already miss u
want her back
last 96 hrs
dodged a bullet?
i'm now a miserable fuck
fuck this shit
rattatatat
ok, 1 more time withOUT feelingS
... plz respond
what else is there to say?
I'm weird, get over it
i want this world to go up in flames
my foot ):
123
leave it be, just leave it
doesn't have to be awkward
real quick (1/2)
real quick (2/2)
i don't want NEW friends
this sucks ass
if i acted up?
pouting
bruh
first time in awhile
and back to sad
feeling neutral so... improvement?
autocannibalism
hold up
2 things
(literal) rocks... a positive for a change
now, my usual bitching
i really don't know what to do
... don't judge me
can't give you up
$D
used to think
put a bullet between my eyes
few was starting to lose my cool
something that keeps me up at night
my two brain cells can't do shit
surprisingly well worded emotions
should've kept quiet
random conspiracy
can everyone just stfu
i feel alone
just watched a true crime video
wtf do i do? HUH?!?!
trying to not harass her
did a funny ;3

17/11/2021

23 0 0
By Scarletmonk720

do you ever feel like there's no point? do you ever feel that if you were to do, everybody would move on? do you ever feel like your life holds the same value of the insects we crush beneath our feet? do you ever think that you are broken and cannot be fixed? do you ever think you can't feel anything apart from mental anguish? do you ever feel like you're emotions are dying, while they cling desperately to life? do you ever feel like the only problem with slicing your wrist would be the feeling of losing your sense of self as you fade into the empty void? do you ever think you should just give up?

do you ever think that you're truly destined to be alone till your inevitable demise? do you ever truly think that the only person who could truly accept you, the only person who could love you, harbors no feelings for you? do you ever think that the sole human being who you find tolerable, doesn't love you?

writting that last paragraph made me cry lol. i've essentially lost all my feeling of pain in a physical sense, i feel little emotions, my world is covered in a constant dullness, but when i'm with her i feel normal, a feeling which noone else has ever made me feel before. she is the one person i have ever truly felt affection for, the only person i have ever truly liked, sure there have been people who i find tolerable, but nothing like this. these emotions surpass everything i've ever felt previously, these emotions are a constant pain to me, the person who thought he was incapable of true emotions (god i never stfu about myself), these emotions are my prison.

i've been trying my hardest to seperate myself from her, and it's worked slight, but they remain in the back of my mind. if this is what true emotions are i don't want these, if this is love i don't want to love ever again, i don't want to love now, or ever again.

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