Shay's POV
How did he find me? I can't believe that I just met him yesterday, 5 years after he left me without saying goodbye. His last words was, 'you deserve better, baby'. Seeing him last night brings back the heartaches I've felt getting over him. After he left that night, I was in a state of shock. I wonder how can he do that to me, but I understood that he was in shock too so I gave him space. I didn't call him after that eventhough I really wanted to, I wanted to talk this through, I want to tell him that I do love him and leaving him on pursuing my dream does not mean that I love him any less. Without any good sleep, I went to his place to talk to him before he go to his uncle's place but when I got there, Mrs.Hood answered the door and she said that Calum is not up yet, I didn't want to wake him up so I went back home.
I waited for him to call or text, but nothing. Then I start to wonder whether I should just study here, where I'll be close to him but this is an oppurtunity! Anyone in the right mind would not pass this offer down, I had second thoughts about it. I went to his place again in the afternoon, hoping that I could catch him and talk to him. I just wanted to talk to him, to make things better. As I drive in front of his house, their car was not on the driveway. I missed him. He didn't even say goodbye. I kept an open mind and figured that he needed space to think things through and hope that he would understand how much I want to grab this oppurtunity.
It had been a week and he didn't even call me, not even a text message. Then, a thought came to mind, did he broke up with me? Is that why he didn't call me? I mean, we had a fight, yes but I never wanted to break up, I was not good at these relationship stuffs so I decided to go over to Rachel's house and talk to her about it.
"What was his last words to you?", I remember she asked me that.
"You deserve better baby?"
She let out a huge sigh, "he let you go, Shay. When a guy said that you deserve better, he wants you to get a better guy which is not him".
"So, I'm not with him anymore? He dumped me on that night?", I can feel my heart drop to the floor.
Rachel wanted to say something but I was having all kinds of emotions twisting inside of me, "but I thought he wanted space cause we had a fight, and he would come back to his senses and understand. I waited for him, Rach! It has been a week and all I could think about was him, but he would not be thinking of me cause we broke up and I didn't know! How stupid can I be?!"
"Calm down, Shay..", I can't calm down at that moment in time.
"No, I can't! Realizing that I'm not with Calum anymore breaks my heart, Rach. This summer was great for me, even though I may not show it that much but really, he is the best thing that ever happened to me. How could he do this to me? This is all because I wanted to go to Princeton?! Oh my God!", I remember the feeling of my heart being stabbed, and my lungs shattering cause of my loud cries.
"Shay, if he can't go through this with you then he's right, you deserve better than Calum. Yeah, he's been an asshole for even make you miss this opportunity. This is your future we're talking about, with or without him in it. I know it hurts like hell right now, I know it feels like that no one can love you like he does but there are a lot of guys out there, nice guys. They can even dig literature like you do, Calum doesn't even read! You can meet guys of your type in Princeton, the smart ones, preppy and nerdy but adorkable!", I chuckled cause I do have a thing for those nerdy but adorable guys, she had a point.Calum was moving on already, and I'm here crying over a break-up? Calum made me vulnerable, I admit but not anymore, I'm not gonna cry and hoping he'll come back. He was going to pursue his music career and I had a university to go to.
I focused my week on prepping myself to go to America, but I would be lying if Calum did not cross my mind. He was my summer romance, he made me happy. He made me do things I can never have done, like this tattoo. I don't regret that I have been with him, it was great while it lasts but when he doesn't feel it anymore, you can't force it. The day before I flew to America, I went again to his place, just to say goodbye and wishing him all the best. It's just an excuse for me to look at his face for one last time. When I pulled over in front of his house, I walked out of the car and went to his garage, guessing that he would be jamming with his band but no one was there. But I see his bass hanging there on stand, he loved his bass. I touch his bass, missing him playing it to me. I pulled out my phone to call him but then, he didn't even once called me and I'm not gonna look desperate so I shove it back into my pocket and just go with the flow. I really do not want to look desperate so I was determined to get him out of my head but then this beautiful boy came along.
"Mummy, what are you thinking about?", I snapped out of my memory when I was 18 and look at my son's face.
"Nothing baby, I was just remembering some stuffs", I said while making packing his lunch.
"Like the big hand of the clock is almost moving to 9, mummy?", he pointed at the clock and fuck, it's almost 9am and Tommy's school starts at 9 and my shift at the bookstore starts at 9.30am. I quickly put the cooked pasta and an apple juicebox into his lunchbox, "put this in your bag, please", I give him the lunchbox and he obediently put it in his bag. I tuck in my shirt into my black slacks and put on my cap, grabbing the car keys and hold Tommy's hand and walk out of our apartment door.
"Mummy, I forgot my cap", he remarks so I unlock the door again to go back in and grab his cap in his room and walk out of the door again. Yes, I have instill the love of caps to my son and he just looks so adorable in it.
I buckle him into his car seat, I know he's five but he is small for his age. People get mistaken him as a 3 year old. I drive the car which is a gift from Rachel, it was hers but then she got herself a good job that pays well, so she bought herself a new car and this old car is given to me. She has helped me alot, especially when I found out I was pregnant. I wanted to get an abortion cause I was supposed to get rid of Calum, and his baby is not going to help me with it. I found out when I was just starting out in Princeton. I start vomiting in the mornings and i thought it's because of jetlag but then my period was late, I had to get myself tested. So, I bought a pee stick and pee on it. I remember the hesitation, how it kills me and I saw double lines. I was officially pregnant.
I decided to avoid it and just go to classes like normal and figure it out later, but then as my stomach was getting bigger, people are whispering around me. Princeton is a great school, but filled with ivy brats that would judge every inch of you if you're not perfectly tailored to perfection. So I stopped going to school and just be stuck in my dorm, and just drowning in sadness and madness cause Calum got me pregnant! He never wants to use a condom with me, I do not even ask why back then cause the sex was amazing. The pregnancy could not have the best timing, it's like life does not permit me to forget about Calum when Calum has perfectly forgotten about me.
I was really in a bad state. I cried almost every day, thinking on how I could not go on with life with this big belly in the way! I'm certainly not gonna tell my parents about this cause they'll freak out, and just be dissappointed. I'm not gonna tell Calum about this, I want him ou tof my life! I never want to speak to him ever again! He left me, and he impregnated me, I think that's enough reason to delete someone from your life. So, I called Rachel for help. I told her multiple times that I want to abort this baby, and continue on with my life but Rachel is not in favour of my decision so she wanted me to think things through. What is there to think about? I'm 18, I should be living and not being pregnant! Rachel flew to America and handled my expulsion with the university, because I just can't stay there anymore. I want to leave that place. I stayed with her at the hotel she was staying in, she took a week off from work to help me. I was determined to abort this baby and Rachel finally respected my decision after having fights with her about it, but then the night before of the abortion, I feel something moving in my stomach. It doesn't hurt, I just feel the baby move.
This little baby was moving inside of me, waiting his or her time to live this life. The baby didn't do anything wrong, it was our fault, me and Calum's. We didn't have protected sex, which leads to this. I'm not a fan of being a teenage mum but since Calum left me, I realized how not permanent love can be. People can love you one day and leave you the next, but having your own baby, someone that gives you unconditional love the moment he looks at your face, that thought made me smile, excited even to receive that unconditional love.For the first time, I can't wait to be a mum.
So I moved to LA from New Jersey cause LA seems more convenient to raise a child rather than the hustle bustle of the city. LA still has the city vibe but it's more relax, I guess. Rachel found a cheap but moderate apartment for us to live in and left pocket money for me to pay the rent and to buy some food at least. She can't stay and took care of me, so I have to do this on my own. It's scary when she left the door to my apartment but before that, she asked whether I should call Calum and told him about this so that he could at least, give me money to survive. I hated him, and he walked out on me so obviously he doesn't want anything to do with me so I simply shook my head and Rachel just have to respect my decision. I have the drive to be independent, so I'm going to raise my child alone.
"Bye, mummy! I'll see you later! Love you", Tommy gives me a kiss on the cheek and unbuckle himself and walk out the door, into his daycare.
"Love you too, baby!", I shouted before driving away to my workplace.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
As I walk into my workplace, 9.30 on the dottt! I let out a heavy sigh, and went into my office. In 5 years working at Borders, I got myself to the manager position.
"Morning, Shay", Ruby greeted me. She's my only friend here in LA and since Tommy turned 3, she has been making me going on blind dates and offer to babysit Tommy. Most of the guys didn't call me for a second date after I told them I have a 3 year old son at home, it's no surprise.
"Morning, Ruby. Has the new inventory came in? We need to stock those up before we open the store", I immediately jump into work.
"No how are you, Ruby? How was your weekend? Did you meet any hunk in any coffeeshops lately?", she teased me.
"I'm sorry, Ruby. How are you? Go to any dates last weekend?", I chuckled and play along.
"Fine and no, I had girl time this weekend", she respond hoping to spark a conversation but I need to know about those inventories, "so how about those inventories?"
She looked at me with her jaw dropping, "girl! Loosened up, will you? The second you came in you already talking about work?"
"Fine fine, I'll talk to you about it after I get my coffee. And after that, I need you to call the logistics", I said it sternly to her cause I'm serious about my work.
"Fine fine! I like you better after hours. Shay at work is so..bossy", she points out. "I am your boss, Ruby", I give her a big hug.
I walk into my office, which is just basically a small room and sit down on my chair, looking through the inventories.
Suddenly, my phone rings. As I look at the screen and it's unnamed but I recognize the number. It's the same one that called me last night. I wonder why I didn't change my number? And why didn't he change his number? Anyways I just let it to voicemail. Then my phone dings of a new voicemail. I unlock my phone to hear what he has got to say.
Shay? It's me. Calum. I tried to call you last night but maybe you have fallen asleep. Anyways, I want to talk to you. Just call me okay?
Who does he think he is? Does he think he has the privilege to waltz back into my life so easily? Fuck, no.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
a/n: Okay, so there's angry Shay tooo....ain' t that sweet? lol. Leave a comment :)
oh p/s, I do not know how Princeton students are, maybe they're super nice idk but this is all for story purposes. Please don't get offended, and I apologize if I do so. If you have anything to criticise, please do! This is a long chapter and I hope it captures Shay's dissapointment and initiative to be a great mum to Tommy. Yes she does look cold on the outside, but inside she's warm as a fuzzy bear. If you have opinion about Shay, pls share! I wanna know! Your opinion matters! :D
And this chapter is dedicated to @sugarplumluke cause I love Roommates and she inspires me to write something real, no easy fairytale bs. I love you @sugarplumluke and hope you enjoy my story here :)