warning: angst !
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The river bank was cool on that late summer night, a slight breeze from the flowing water before him. Anakin didn't mind the cold, though. Not when he was spending time with Y/N.
Alone, he'd spend a few minutes looking out to the starry night, the twinkling lights of the city shining from miles away. But with Y/N there, he'd spend hours looking at her instead, taking in the sight of the moonlight bouncing off of her beauty. The moon always seemed to find her on these late nights; almost as though it knew that only Y/N was worthy of its glow.
"You're staring again," She mumbled teasingly, her eyes on the view ahead. A hint of a smile played on her lips, making him feel safe in her calming presence.
He was sitting with his legs outstretched before him, resting his weight on his arms which were behind him, his palms against the grass. Y/N was sitting with her legs curled up, her body facing him while she twirled the rose he had brought her between her fingers.
"Can you blame me?" He asked, tilting his head. "You're a very gorgeous woman."
Finally, she turned to face him. Even without her gaze on the stars, her eyes continued to gleam. "Flattery won't get you a kiss, Knight."
"It worked the first time," He retorted with a smirk. "And many times after that."
"What can I say? Compliments are the quickest way to get under my skirts," Y/N winked, placing her hand on top of his.
He gasped, dramatically placing his hand on his chest. "Princess Y/N; that is no way for the future Queen to speak!"
She let out a hearty laugh, turning her body on its side to face him as her voice lowered to a whisper. "You didn't seem to mind that day in the garden."
Anakin did his best to hold back a smile. "It was my birthday; I couldn't pass up the opportunity to end the night with a Princess."
"Oh, so you only did that because I'm a Princess? Understood," Y/N said with faux offense, making him roll his eyes before he spoke up with a nostalgic grin.
"You always have known how to throw a good party."
A snort left her nose, "I think you're forgetting Life Day two years ago. It ended with a fire."
"Yeah, but I had a great time prior to the fire," He countered. "And it was fun looking through the ashes for your necklace."
"That wasn't fun!" Y/N exclaimed. "I cried the whole time. That necklace was the first gift you had ever bought me."
"And I'd buy you another if you lost it," Anakin said. "I'd buy you a thousand necklaces."
She pursed her lips, "You always have to win in the gift department, don't you?"
"That's not true," He replied with a raised eyebrow. "Remember that utility belt?"
"I thought you'd like it!" She said, her cheeks heating up with the memory. "It had only been a few months of us dating; I didn't know what to buy a Jedi. I thought it'd be useful."
"I loved it," He insisted with a sweet smile, always knowing how to make her feel better. "But my favorite has to be the glove."
YN's eyes lit up at his words. The year before, on his birthday, she had gifted him a new leather glove for his cybernetic hand. On the underside of the wrist, she had sewn in her initials with thread the same color as his eyes, keeping herself close to him no matter how far he may have travelled. "How did you manage to explain it to Obi-Wan?" She asked with a shy smile, her eyes downcast.
"I didn't," He answered simply. "He saw your initials, but didn't ask."
"I always liked him," Y/N commented with a small grin. "Even when he almost killed me."
Anakin laughed at her words, the sight of her smile making his heart burst with joy. "Teaching you to fly my speeder was my biggest regret."
"Hey!" She lightly hit his shoulder. "I got that good, that Obi-Wan thought it was you flying. I take that as a win, personally."
"Mhm," He hummed, an amused look on his face. "Remember when I snuck you into my dorm?"
Y/N shook her head, laughing. "We were so young and unafraid back then. Even when Windu caught us, we explained it away with no hesitation."
"You were 'there on behalf of your father, to discuss Corellia's stance'," Anakin recalled, a dazed look in his eyes as he watched her lovingly.
"Think he believed us?" She questioned, pulling at the grass.
"Absolutely not," Anakin answered almost immediately. "Especially not when he saw you leaving the next morning."
Her cheeks flushed and her hands rushed up to hide her face. "Oh, stars. I owe him my life for not telling my father- speaking of Father, remember when we stole those cigars from his stash, and attempted to smoke them on the roof?"
A healthy chortle left Anakin's mouth, his face tinging pink at the memory. "I had never seen him as angry as he was when he caught us. I was convinced he was going to permanently ban me from Corellia," He reminisced, his heart beginning to swell.
Some moments of silence passed while Anakin linked their hands together. Their fingers interlocked perfectly, like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle, and that's how it had always been.
"I wish he did," She admitted quietly, making his smile drop.
Turning to her, Anakin frowned, watching her face which was now void of emotion. "But we would have never seen each other again."
Y/N took in a deep breath before meeting his eyes, hers filled with regret and heart-wrenching devotion. "And it would have been easier for you when I died."
His blood ran cold at her words, his stomach dropping. "What?"
"Anakin," Obi-Wan called out from behind him. He turned to face his Master, his vision blurred with tears. Obi-Wan was standing well away, holding up a lantern with the temple standing tall behind him. "You've been out here all night."
Anakin turned back to where Y/N was, only to see nothing. His hand was now lonely, the air around him unbearably cold. "Sh- she was here, I saw her. Obi-Wan, I felt her. Y/N..."
Obi-Wan's heart broke at his brother's words, this not being the first time he had found Anakin sitting on the riverbank, where Y/N and him would often spend time when she was alive. Something told Obi-Wan it wouldn't be the last, either, as he slowly made his way down towards the river.
Tears of anguish poured down Anakin's cheeks, unwiped because they provided him with some warmth. Every time he fell back into the idea of Y/N, and the idea that she was still alive, he became lost in the fantasy. And every single time he was brought back to reality, it hurt just as much as that first moment he realized she was gone; her head in his lap, her heart taking its last beat.
He couldn't let himself move on. Stubbornly holding onto her memory just as stubbornly as she searched through the ashes on Life Day. If Y/N was so unwilling to lose something as trivial as a necklace, simply because Anakin was the one who bought it for her, then how could he have possibly allowed himself to lose even a single memory that he had of her?
So he sat by the river every night, aware that his hope to see her reflection in the water was insane, but unable to let go.
Ahead of him, the twinkling lights of the city. Above him, the stars mocking him with their incessant glimmering. And the moon had disappeared behind dark clouds, no longer having a worthy place to shine its light upon.
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sorry about the sadness
this one is dedicated to a friend i lost a few years ago, and is loosely based on my own experience of grief. it's a shitty thing to go through and there isn't really an ending where you're suddenly over it. and if ever you feel like you might be moving on, you're wracked with guilt. while i can't say that those feelings permanently go away at some point, what i can say is that you learn to deal with those feelings a lot better with time.
as always, my inbox is open for any and all things. rants, advice, just somewhere to dump your thoughts/feelings. and star wars tiktoks, ofc.
stay safe and be kind to yourselves <3