Love is Supposed to be Messy (GirlxGirl) (TeacherxStudent)

12. I'm glad I met you

Brianna's eyes were determined, she has made up her mind about telling me exactly what happened with her ex, with Alexandra and the blackmailing thing. I knew she didn't want to be vulnerable, or maybe she didn't even know how to start.

Meanwhile, I was beginning to calm down, I swear to G-d that when I cry, I look like a drowning cat, and that was not the way I wanted Brianna aka the love of my life, to see me.

"My father died" she stated roughly. I almost choke with my own saliva, it was too spontaneous and rough the way she said it that it took me by surprise.

"I'm so so-"

"He had cancer, he died three years ago" she said not letting me finish.

"I'm so sorr-" I tried again.

"I was devastated, he was my hero. He fought till the end, and we were there by his side every step of the way" she said cutting me off. It was like she was talking alone; she didn't even look at me.

"I was miserable, I... close myself to people and..." she paused. All the time she was talking she had a stone-cold face, but I could see underneath it, she was struggling to keep pretending that everything was fine, pretending not feeling anything.

"Hey, look at me" I said sweetly. She hesitated so I added "Please" She sighed but then she did.

 "What?" She asked trying to remain clam, but like I said...I could see beneath it.

Her eyes were filled with an old sadness that now I'm learning more and more about, she was struggling with letting someone in.

"It's okay, I'm not going anywhere" I put my hand over hers and squeezed. "Just keep looking at me" I said losing myself into her eyes.

She took my words in, she tried to look for any lie that my face could tell. But of course, there were none.

"I became different...I didn't used to be this cold, but I didn't know what else do after he was gone" she said with an honest voice.

"One day I was tired of feeling sadness and loneliness, and Alexandra appeared, I didn't think...thinking and feeling was the last thing I wanted" the long she kept staring at my eyes, the more carefree and sincerely her words and her voice become.

"So, she and I started dating, she knew we weren't serious. We were more like an escape...like..." she was struggling to find words.

"Like marijuana" I said.

She looked at me confused, she tilted her head on the side and then started laughing. I smiled at the sight. "What? I don't-...what?" She said through her laughter. I swear I didn't intend it to be funny, but I'm glad it was, her laughter has become my favorite sound.

"What I meant is, you were like a drug to each other. Not because you were addicted to her because that would be really gross" she smiled and rolled her eyes. "But because you helped each other to pass through days, through pain. Now I'm sure you regret it, or you should, but at the moment it kinda numbed you" I said shrugging my shoulders.

She thought about it for a minute. "That's an accurate comparison" she stated.

"We were together you could say, for 2 years, we broke up last year" she paused. All the time she was talking she kept looking me in the eyes, and she was completely at ease now. She had no walls up.

She sighed, then continued again. "It wasn't a fairy tale like your past relationship, the truth is that I even doubt that we cared for each other as more than...roommates?" She said half asking to herself.