Into My Heart

XXVI

I have been away from Orange for two whole weeks, as Father told me that we would leave right after the gala to Los Angeles in order to attend a Poker play - obviously, he wanted me to meet his shady associates, which I did. 

After two weeks of getting to know the business - the ties and relationships we had with different   Orange county-based gangs such as the Dragons and Tigers, among others, were very strong and ancient, and it was an obligation for me to be accepted by the different gang leaders around. I met Dan O'Hara, the man who replaced Andrew Dahlkemper's position as regional leader for the Dragons in Orange, and wondered if Kelley knew about her dad's involvement with illicit activities. More specifically, he and Father talked about weapon selling, as well as drug trafficking as the two main activities of the gang. Immediately, I came to understand that a young woman wasn't traditionally welcomed among the ranks of the different leaders, but since I was Father's daughter, they would respect me. After several days, I finally got myself involved into different conversations, using the technique of passive-agressive talkings in order to get myself respected and feared, which left a good impression the different leaders.

On the plane home, Father has been occupied by phone calls the whole three hours - indeed, he was just dropping me off in Orange before going to Mexico City 'for business', which now was the way of saying 'doing shady business with dangerous people'. But I guess that is how my life looks at the moment. I sat near the window, in front of Shelina and Crystal, who I have grown to like in some ways - in this cruel, man-centered world of gangs, those two were the closest I would get to normal friendships. After reluctantly agreeing for them to travel with us and not leave me one minute, excepting at night, I came to realise that they actually were my allies, and they would obey me and only me - after my parents of course. And from what I hear from their conversations, they actually were pretty funny: Crystal was laughing her stomach off after Shelina said a Canadian expression that did not make much sense, and I caught myself smirking in the process. 

Either way, only one person has been on my mind those past two weeks: her smell, her beautiful eyes, the way she was dressed in this elegant and classy dress, the way she would wrap her arms around my neck... Shivers go down my spine, as I close my eyes: I am so fucked. This time, I could not deny the fact that I am not insensitive to her charms. 

The quick drive between Orange's small airport and the manor took half-an-hour and, when I arrived to the place I was supposed to call 'home', Becky was standing by the entrance, obviously waiting for me. 

"Good evening, Miss Press" she says, unsympathetic. Once the luggage man took mine, she soon followed suit on my footsteps, continuing: "Your sisters are out of town, and Miss Mallory is asleep in her room. You also have received mail from admirers from the gala - the local journal used the word 'marvellous mind' to describe you and the heartfelt discourse you gave, and the whole city seems to be under your charms."

"Great" I sarcastically let out, "I am the only member of this dreadful family that raises our social image. What else?"

Becky doesn't care to comment on my replica, but she still responds:

"We have had several visitations of Kristen Mewis, who we have passed the message that you would not see her in any circumstances-"

"Get back to her and schedule an appointment tomorrow morning in my office" I order, turning to Shelina, who takes notes. 

"I do not believe this is a good idea, m'mam" Becky contradicts me, but she knows it is not worth wasting her saliva. As I raise my eyebrow, she continues: "Either way, your little dancing demonstration with Abigail Dahlkemper raised some incomprehension from your family's sponsors and dear friends regarding your sexual orientation."

I smirk.

"I have been honest since I was twelve with my family: I am not interested in labels, and I never fall in love. That is all there is to know."

"Certainly so" Becky continues, following me as I start walking faster. When we start walking up the stairs, she states: "Your mother is expecting you to keep your distance from her."

Suddenly stopping, I turn to her, saying:

"Becks, you and I both know my hands are tied and I cannot do anything regarding my... personal feelings toward her. There is no need in constantly reminding me about this: she is safe, and that's enough for me."

"Very well, m'mam. Now take some rest: tomorrow will be a busy day, your mother has informed me that she was expecting you and Mallory for dinner in Breadsticks."

"Thank you, Becky."

Once I finally get to my room, I lock the door behind me, before falling apart on the ground, sobbing pretty hardly. 

All this pressure from the past weeks, as well as those flows of uncontrollable feelings toward Abby that have surfaced recently, was too much. After a few minutes, I get up and open the bourbon sitting on a coffee table near the window. Once the bottle in hand, I sit down on the cozy chair right next to the window and watches as the rain is pouring down on the empty streets. 

After a while, I get dressed - a pretty old-school yet casual feminine beige suit with a black roll-neck - before joining Mallory near the cars. Once I get her settled with the help of Shelina and Crystal, who have to accompany us to Breadsticks, I sit down next to Mallory, as the two bodyguard take the wheel and passenger seat. I can sense my little sister is tensed, as she wouldn't look at me a single second.

As she car is driving through the busy streets of Orange, I turn to Mallory and softly say:

"It is going to be okay, you know that right?"

She nods.

"I just hope you are not becoming them" she softly, marking a meaningful pause at the end of the sentence.

"Never" I immediately say, taking her hand in mine and confidentially squeezing it. As her eyes catches mine, I add: "I promise."

She nods again, but something in her eyes - some sort of dark, sensitive light that would take over her loving stare - tells me that she does not believe me and is scared to death.

I feel my throat going sore, as we arrive at Breadsticks and join Mother for dinner.