My reality shifting journey

Day 32

OK, I'm going to spare you guys the details. I've had a mix of a good and bad day, my phone group, once again proved me right that they didn't care about me. I invited to some of them to go to a haunted house with me Friday, they they Came up with an excuse for why they couldn't go, then I invited Someone else in their place who is not in the friend group, and she asked if she could bring a friend and I said yes the more the merrier. Me, the girl invited, and her friend all had an amazing time at the haunted house Saturday, we had to reschedule from going to The haunted house Friday, because of weather, moving it to Saturday. We were almost all the way done with all of the haunted houses, and we were in line for the last one and we are about an hour and 30 minutes into our weight and the girl I invited said, "hey look isn't that..." and named off a bunch of the people in my friend group. And I turned around and looked, and it was every person in my friend group. Including the people I invited who said they couldn't go Friday or Saturday. And it hurts that I wasn't even told the truth that they were just going together, and I also really hurt badly knowing that I was purposely left out. And left in the dark, not knowing what their actual reasoning for not coming with me was. And it just made me realize how Are full of friends there, and it also made me realize how much I really want to shift. I haven't even been to Hogwarts, and I feel like I am ready to just go and live a lifetime there. At least the people there would be nice to me, he would actually like me and inviting me to things, they would care about me and care about how I felt. Currently I'm crying, I had a really big melt down, just really realizing out loud how much I want this. I said all the reasons out loud of why I really need this, not only for comfort, but for my mental and emotional health. Guys might be thinking, Lauren that is so stupid, this might make it worse, you're going to go live your life happily with someone you want to be with, then when you die you have to return here, to where you're unhappy. Yes believe me I know that I'm going to be extremely happy living out my life there, then when I come back I'm going to be crushed. But it just, I don't even know I just need it really bad. And I was talking to my mom in the car about shifting and she said, "to be honest I don't want you to keep trying to shift. It makes me uncomfortable and you should just be happy that you were given a reality to live in here." And that hurt me so much because little does she know, that is the only thing I've been looking forward to the past few weeks. It's been the only thing Keeping me happy for the past month or two, just the thought of me getting to be happy with people who are positive and oh funny and are going to love me comment makes me so happy. And the fact that I haven't shifted yet, it's absolutely devastating. But I know if I keep going and pushing through, I will get there eventually, and I will get my chance to be happy. I know that's a lie that you guys probably didn't want to read, but I really just needed to get it out somewhere. I don't have anyone to talk to, I don't have anyone to confide in. I am alone my mom doesn't even support this, but she doesn't even know what I'm going through. End it sucks because she tries to tell me all these things to help me deal with fake friends and cope with being let down a lot, I had to learn that all on my own by the time I was in second grade call mom I am just so tired. I'm tired physically and emotionally, I'm drained, I think I'm starting to develop an eating disorder, I've lost 8 pounds this week. And I haven't even been doing anything, I have little energy, I'm always tired, I'm having constant headaches, I am constantly being let down multiple times through the week, and on top of that, no one understands what I'm going through. And it sucks. I really really don't want to continue, I feel like if I put so much time and energy into trying to shift, and it doesn't work, I am going to be so sad and I'm really going to regret doing it, because I think I'm probably going to fall into a depression state. I don't want to talk to my mom about it, because she thinks I'm crazy. She's not gonna understand because she's not as spiritual, and creative, and emotional as I am. And it sucks. Anyway enough about that because you guys probably don't wanna hear about that, I'm going to meditate, then I'm going to try the raven method. I'm gonna go back to the raven blessed because I got closer doing that one that I had with any other one. So wish me luck.

DAYS AFTER- OK so I kept forgetting to update it and say what happened, nothing really happened and I did not shift. And it's only three days later so I don't even remember what I did.