Can I please be happy? (Phan)

forgiveness I guess

{Phil's POV}

The walk to the bar so far is the toughest thing ever. Dan is walking next to me, but that's about it. The space between us is driving me crazy. He wont hold my hand, he wont look at me, and whenever our shoulders touch he moves further away than before. I think he might be mad at me and doesn't want to talk bout it. I have no choice but to respect the distance that he wants, even if it's hard to do.

"So. Umm... Nice weather we're having today. It's nice that it finally stopped raining." I awkwardly broke the silence with something to lighten the mood.

"Yeah. Nice." He said blankly as he stared forward on the path, never even looking over at me as I smiled at him. There is nothing to risk now. I might as well just grab his hand and see if he wants to hold it. Gladly he accepted my hand but he didn't hold it like he usually does. He held my hand like he was forced to hold it. It made my slight smile drop. I might as well just tell him what I have been meaning to tell him earlier today.

"I do understand." He looked over at me confused at what I just said.

"What are you talking about?" His voice still seems colder than the air outside.

"Before when you said that I didn't understand what it was like when I locked away your razor. I understand what it's like. I wanted to tell you but I remembered that everything should be about you so I shouldn't be bringing up my own old problems. No one really cares anyway, right?" I tried to lighten up that hard subject with a light giggle as I looked over at Dan. He just bit his lip and squeezed my hand lightly.

"I'm sorry about that. I guess I should have been more sensitive then." I just shook my head when he was done speaking.

"You didn't do anything wrong. I should be the one beating myself up because I'm so blind. I should have been more conscious of your well being. I am truly sorry" He just shook his head and let my hand loose again.

"Don't bring that up again please. I'm over it. It's done and fixed so just drop the subject." His words hurt. It felt like they were stabbing into my chest and pulling back out just to make it sting more.

"I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you mad. I just-" He cut me off by putting one finger over my lips.

"I'm not mad." He took his hand away and kept walking. I stopped in my tracks.

"Then why are you acting like you're mad?" He stopped and turned around to face me with an annoyed expression on his face.

"I said I'm not mad." He stayed where he was and I crossed my arms.

"I am not moving until you tell me why you're still mad. I understand why you were mad before, but you said that it was over." He sighed and stepped towards me slowly.

"I'm just a little upset. That's all. I am being a cry baby because I want more attention. I didn't mean to show you that feeling. It just made me uncomfortable. But anyway, This is not about me right now. This is about making sure that everything is okay again. You fixed me and now you are nice enough to go fix everything else too and I should be grateful that you are that nice." He caressed my crossed arms to relax me. His voice was softer now and his smile was sweet and less forced. I like this Dan a lo better than the mad Dan.

"After this is done and we go home, you can have all of the attention you want. Okay? But right now we need to deal with something that will benefit us both." I placed my hands on his hips to pull him just a little bit closer before pressing my lips against his.

"People are watching us." He whispered on my lips before giving me one final peck on the lips. I pulled away and looked at him with confusion all over my face.