Can I please be happy? (Phan)

No title will be able to descibe this.

Trigger warning: mentions of self harm and almost suicide. I'm sorry it got this dark all of a sudden.

{Phil's POV}

"D-Dan? What is this?" I whispered looking down at the lines on his arm.

"Well m-my cat scratched me before I left to come here and i-it never really healed up?" He tried to make up some story but I wasn't buying it.

"Nice try. But first of all, you don't even have a cat. Second of all, you have been away from home for three weeks so far. Just quit the B.S. and tell me, are there anymore cuts anywhere else?" He closed his eyes and flinched back as I rolled his sleeve up a little bit more. I didn't find anything on his arms but he nodded telling me that there was more.

"They are on my thighs. They were from a while ago when I didn't think my life had any hope anymore. I didn't think anyone would see them because no one would ever be close enough to me to see them. I thought that I was just an ugly little lonely gay that lost his one companion and I need to feel the pain." I kept looking at him with as much care as possible.

"This is from last night..." He nodded and I kissed the top of his hand looking him in the eye. I got up and as I started to walk away, he grabbed my arm to stop me. I wasn't going to stop because this is for his own good.

I made my way to our room and immediately saw his bag with the contents all spread out inside. I searched through it. I know that sounds really invasive but it has to me done. I found a small package. It was something rather small wrapped in paper and tied with a little ribbon. This must be it.

"Phil. Please don't open that." He whimpered standing in the doorway and watching me. I opened it anyway. I unfolded the paper and it revealed something wrapped in cloth. There was writing on the paper that was used as wrapping. I decided to read that and he put his hand on my shoulder as I began.

Dear anyone who wants to read this,

If you found me here I bet you can already tell that I have given up. All I really have is the pizza guy to keep me company now a days so I bet it's you, the pizza guy, that is reading this. If it is you, please tell your daughter that she never had a chance with me. I'm gay. Well I am only gay for one person but that person means the world to me so I guess that means I am gay.

I know that no one here actually cares. My parents never talk to me and they haven't visited my room for years. My boyfriend cant talk to me and he has probably forgotten about me. I have no friends, I have no lover, I have no life. I cant live like this anymore.  There is no longer someone to hold me when I feel like being held and no one to talk to when i feel like being talked to.

I remember when I was a simple little child. I lived in a small home and I had a loving set of parents. I also had a girlfriend named Emma. I hate her now. I remember how on Tuesdays mom would make breakfast for dinner and we would watch movies. I remember when dad used to take me to work with him in his little factory sometimes. He would dress me in a nice polo and dress pants and we would be off to make some handmade dolls. at the end of the day he would take me into a giant hug. It was such a strong hug that I would be lifted in the air and swung around as mom giggled in the background. Then all of that changed when we won the lottery. Dad quit his job and mom stopped making dinner at home because we bought a big house and the maid cooked all of our food. I wished that it could all go back to normal.

Mum cheated on you dad. She started dating a great business man and that is where she got all of the extra money. It wasn't money that was passed on from grandma. I didn't want to tell anyone until I'm dead because I know that I would loose someone. But right now I don't care if I loose anyone anymore. No one talks to me anymore. How old do you think I am? You haven't celebrated a birthday of mine since we got a big enough house for you to stay away from me. So I hate my parents now. I want them out, but that wont ever happen so that is one of the reasons why I am ending it myself.