Can I please be happy? (Phan)

I'm not leaving you.

{Phil's POV}

I woke up this morning with a massive headache and a stiff neck. I slept on the floor with my head in my hands all night and i can tell by the light in the room that I slept most of the morning too. I remember exactly what happened last night. I messed up. I did something I shouldn't have done and I deserve punishment.

I didn't mean to like kissing Colby. It just happened. I cant deny that there was something there at least for Colby. I could tell that Colby was feeling some sparks when he kissed me. The only thing I can say is that I love Dan. I cant spend a night without him and I worked hard to have him around. I cant just hurt him like that. I feel better things when he kisses me. I feel things that I dont have to be drunk to feel. Colby isn't warm and he doesn't smell like Dan. He doesn't feel like Dan and most of all he doesn't care about me like Dan does. He will never be better than Dan. I really need to fix this and tell them both how I feel.

Right now Colby is probably crying and Dan doesn't even want to look at me. I cant like another day knowing that I caused all of this.

  "Dan?" I called as I searched around for him. He isn't on the couch anymore and he isn't anywhere in this lounge. He must have left me. I ducked my head back down and started to sob. I cant loose him. not like this.

"Phil?" I heard him call my name after a rustling in the bedroom. I sighed in relief. He didn't leave me.

"Are you ready to talk?" He said calmly as he walked over and gave me a glass of water. I took the glass and sat on the couch right above where I was sitting on the floor. He sat down too but on the opposite side of the couch.

"I'm ready." I took a sip of water and he turned to face me.

"Why did you do it?" He said it like it was a simple and plain question when it was actually a complex one to answer.

"Dan. Babe I didn't meant to-" He cut me off.

"Don't 'Dan babe.' me. I asked simply why did you do it. I don't care what your answer is. I just really need to know." He seemed slightly annoyed with me now. Maybe I should stop giving excuses and I should start answering questions.

"I didn't know what I was doing. I-I lost it." I stuttered. He just rolled his eyes at me.

"It sure looked like you knew what you were doing. I don't think you can kiss someone like that if you didn't at least mean it a little bit." He's got a point there.

"Before I say this, understand that I love you more than I could ever love anyone else. I was drunk and I wasn't satisfied. I needed something and really, it could have been anyone." as i said this he looked as I had just punched him in the stomach. I tried not to look so I dint feel like I caused it.

"So I'm not satisfying? Its my fault now. I should have just taken you home when you wanted something. So I guess now I am the bad person for not letting you palm me whenever you want to. Well I'm sorry I guess. I guess I should have monitored your drinking so that you don't go and cheat on me." He stood up as he talked. It made me feel bad and intimidated by him.

"None of what you just said was even inherently true. Please sit down and keep talking to me like I'm also a human being." My voice came out more aggressive than I wanted it too.

"I don't want to sit with you anymore." He said coldly.

"Dan please. You said that you would talk to me." He just crossed his arms and stood his ground. I stood up to be equal height with him.

"I said I'm sorry. Can you give me a second chance?" I pleaded walking closer.

"I really don't know at this point. I left everything behind to come here and be with you. I have nothing now. Last night's events made me feel for the first time that I made a bad decision. should i just go home now? I love you, but I don't want to be here if you don't love me as much as you did when we met." His voice was cracking like he was about to cry. I want to comfort him but I have a feeling that he will just push me away.

"I still love you more than I have ever love anyone or anything ever. I have no feelings whatsoever for anyone else. You made the right decision to come and stay with me because from this point foreword, it will be all about you. I will love you and care about you and I wont ever even think about cheating on you ever again. I am willing to put anything in this relationship to make you happy and keep this going. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me and I need you to be around me. I love you with all of my heart. Enough to feel something amazing when I kiss you that I don't have to get drunk for." I got closer to him as I spoke. I looked straight into his eyes to show him that I'm being sincere.

He sat down on the couch and put his head on his hands. I swiped his his hair out of his eyes and stood so my legs were touching is knees. I flipped my hair out of my face and slowly bent my knees to sit straddling him against the couch. He was forced to look up at me because I was so close to him  between my legs. I played with his hair and gave him a soft smile.

"How in the world can you be genuinely irresistible even when I'm slightly mad at you." He gave a light smirk before he paced is hands on my hips. I kissed his forehead an he closed his eyes.

"I love you." we both coincidentally whispered in unison. We both smiled and I leaned down to lightly kiss him on his soft lips.

"There's that feeling that I get when I kiss you. It's wonderful." I smiled and our foreheads touched as we just enjoyed eachother's presence. Colby could never give me this feeling I feel right now.

Dan lifted his hand to sweep my hair behind my ear. The one sleeve on his jumper came down and I caught a glimpse of something on his arm. I immediately snapped out of it and quickly grabbed his wrist so I could see it. I rolled his sleeve down and he flinched and closed his eyes as he tried to cover himself with his other hand.

"D-Dan? What is this?"

~~~~

Woah. What even is going on here?

I put that song for this chapter to scare you. Did it work? Hahaha. *evil grin*

I have nothing going on with me right now so I can end this note here saying thanks for reading.

Thanks for reading! I love everyone so much. can I give y'all a giant hug for reading? If you're in the hug lean in now. *hugs everyone*